Struggling. Language really.

[BringOnAutumn]

I just can’t improve. I can understand about 80% of what’s going on, but my (in)ability to speak is really affecting my life.

If I break into English, then it’d be easier but I’ll never improve. If I keep speaking the local language , I’m not good enough to express myself, make friends or be taken seriously.

I’m cringing at the fool I made of myself today in front of other parents. I just couldn’t get the words out and everyone was staring. But I was in too far to stop 😭

Are you taking lessons? Just keep practicing. It doesn’t matter if it isn’t grammatically perfect. Just to make yourself understood. The fact you understand a lot is a good sign.

My children are building up a life and I’m happy here when I’m alone or with my family, but I’m such an outsider otherwise.

I was taking lessons, I’m trying to find a new course. I’m about a b1 sometimes b2, but c2 seems too hard. I’m not sure I was understood today.

Could you try to set up a language exchange? You meet up with someone (maybe another mum) and chat for a while, you in whatever the foreign language is and her English. You help each other, improve your vocabulary, no one is embarrassed because you are both making mistakes. I find local Facebook groups useful for this. Or meet with an English speaking friend who is better than you at the local language and chat in it.

Otherwise do local language schools offer conversation classes?

I'm lucky and am in an international area where lots of foreign languages are spoken. I am not perfect but after 20 years I just chat away and don't worry about the mistakes! I have from necessity learned a lot of French through medical appointments and hospital stays but I don't recommend it!

I've lived abroad for 4 years and still struggle with the language. My children had absolutely no problems picking it up, but I'm still pretty hopeless.

I can also understand most things, but by the time I've worked out a reply the conversation has moved swiftly on.

I've tried two different teachers but the classes weren't working for me, so now trying another way and hoping this time I make improvements!

It's difficult, all you can do is to keep trying.

You will see a huge shift once you pass into C1 because that's about the level where you can integrate into normal conversations. Keep going until you break that barrier, you're not far off.

Try a language exchange as mentioned above. Be consistent with it. Also, try taking lessons with a private tutor on iTalki.(Could I send you my referral link if you do? But that is absolutely not the reason for mentioning it; I used it myself to move up a few levels.)

Listening to audiobooks in the new language might help a little.

It is really difficult, but you kind of need to throw everything at it. Lessons, apps, podcasts etc. You have to invest your time. I found reading books- starting with children's books, then moving on to stories written specifically for learners. Listen to the radio in that language, watch films in that language.

Also, could you mention which language? I might be able to recommend a tutor.

How long have you been there?
It was a good 2-3 years before I felt confident enough to engage in a conversation in a normal way, and a good 3-5 years after that before I'd say I was fluent.
Being immersed in the language is a totally different ballgame to learning a language through lessons. The rewards will come, but it takes a lot of time.
I've been here 27 years now and teach languages- it's a question I'm asked more than any other. How can I get to be as fluent as you/how long does it take until you can do everything in the L2. The answer is how long is a piece of string, but it's definitely not short string!
The biggest help for lexical and general fluency that I've noticed with my students? Watch Netflix or anything else in L2. I can tell immediately the kids that do it. They have a wider range of vocab and a more natural pronunciation than those who simply attend lessons.

I am in Spain. And I have mostly given up learning after eight years here. I have B1 but still struggle. Feel your pain. When it isn't legal, bureaucracy or medical, I just plow ahead in awful Spanish and mostly make do.

Are you maybe going through another wave of culture shock, expressed by language frustrations?

Thank you for the replies.

I think I feel lonely and have had to acknowledge it. I'm busy, have a good life and have a full work life, but I can’t branch out without the language.

Work has taken over the time to study and do other things, but maybe I need to find time again.

People just don’t have the time and energy to be putting up with my language skills, but I can’t improve without it.

I'm too ‘advanced' for the more local classes as they are aimed at beginners up to b1. I need that bridge to c2.

Thank you for understanding.

I hear you. 15 years in France and my spoken French is still poor. I’m severely deaf, and it has had a far bigger impact than I thought it would when we first moved here. It doesn’t help that DH is British too so we are completely English speaking at home and with relatives. My children are completely bilingue.

having English speaking friends and working in a largely English speaking environment is a double edged sword. I’ve never felt lonely, have a great social life / network, enjoy my work - but I’ve never been forced to make exclusively French friends etc. I can be myself in English: I feel like anyone I communicate with in French gets this stupid, nervous, shy, easily confused, eager to please version of me that bears little resemblance to my actual personality. I haven’t given up, but I do feel like a bit of a failure sometimes.

Btw watching French tv and listening to podcasts really helps me I find. It’s good for learning the stock phrases, how French people actually speak.

I'm no help, but just to say you are not alone - I feel the exact same way. It's prompting me to think about a move back to a UK as it is really eating at my self esteem. I saying that I have reasoned that the answer for me is to keep going with the language as best I can and to also build my local English speaking network to feel normal ! But it's hard because time is limited!

I cannot get past B1 into B2. Years of trying. God knows how many lessons.

You reach a certain point of functionality with the language and then brain is like, that's it. I don't need any more. I hit that plateau and I can't be bothered. I just lack motivation to learn Spanish.

Oh, how difficult for you!
My suggestion is a bit different from most... go and do a course or hobby in something that you always wanted to know or do. You meet like minded people and learn more specialist words and skills that the others in your group won't know either!
You'll find people are more helpful and will happily assist you with building on your language skills.

I did this with learning English and French... it was the only way that got me to a decent level as I find pure language classes padt a certain level are not for me.

• past a certain level...

Try using italki- there are lots of people offering very cheap online conversation classes where you just talk in the language. I used to have 1hr lessons for 5-8 euros. A lot of tye teachers live abroad so you can find lessons at any time to suit. It really helped me with my speaking and also learning how people actually spoke rather than the formal version you learn in a class

Persevere... it will come!

We used to spend a lot of time in France, and I have an A level not a good one in French. I found the best way to improve my French was for me to chat in French when a French person wanted to improve their English. I corrected their English, or made it more colloquial and they did the same in return. When I struggled for a word, someone told me what it was, or translated technical terms. DH who isn't good at languages learned to communicate a bit at dinner parties and to follow most of the conversation.

Can I ask for French podcast recommendations please?
if you are on Instagram there are dozens of French (or wherever) language teachers who give egs of phrases used in every day interactions. Very useful.

Radio France Internationale has an excellent ten minute news summary online done more slowly and simply for those upgrading their french. Have a look on the website.