Move to Dubai or not?

[Dorisbonson]

I'm dad of an 8 year old who plays an active role in my child's upbringing with my ex partner.

I have a potential job in Dubai that would pay me 50% more than I currently get paid in the UK. I already have a very good job here, though my company will lay people off later this year - if that happens I won't walk into another job straight away but would get 3-4 month salary pay off and am confident I would get another one soon. My son is at a good school and seems very happy.

I get on well with my ex and she is open to moving to Dubai with my son if she also got a job which made sense for her career.

If I went alone I think I could save about £100k a year living there (I've checked costs out there) and let my house out here. I would go for 3-4 years? If they came too, then we could collectively save more a lot more and let her house out too.

Should I take the job even if it is without them and they don't move there? I love my son a lot and worry I would miss him if he wasn't there but equally the salary there is huge and tax free.

I know someone who has done this. His ex-wife and kids are here. I always thought he was a good Dad but he rarely sees his kids. He's now pretty much stuck there as he doesn't want to take the pay cut.

I wouldn't move there personally. In fact, I wouldn't even go there on holiday. Their attitude to human rights and women is appalling. The only thing going for it seems to be the ability to earn money. People don't go there for the culture.

What about the life in Dubai is it what your into?

MN are very negative towards Dubai be warned!

This would be a hard decision even if you were still together.

The extra money will definitely give you all a boost.

If you and your ex remain on good terms then I don’t think it would affect your long term relationship with your son. Lots of parents, particularly fathers, work away for long periods with no long-term ill effects. My father did and it made no difference to our relationship.

It may be different if you and your ex fell out.

Are you divorced? As opposed to just separated? If divorced, your wife would need her own visa / employment sponsorship. You would both get less time with your child - working hours there are long in most industries, and often include Saturdays. Will your company pay nursery / school fees?

as A single female I would never go to Dubai. Make sure your ex understands what life there would be like if she moved as a single mother (would you live together or would she be alone?).

if I were you I would only go of my child was going too. Realistically, how often would you see your son if he stayed at home? he is very young - you will miss out on so much, won’t know his friends, won’t be there when he is sick, won’t know his teachers etc etc.

could this work until he goes to uni? It’s ten years of him growing up that you will never get back.

Please don't encourage her to move, whatever you decide. It's not a safe place for women fire to the legal system.

I mean due to...

This would be a difficult decision.

I wouldn't bank on your ex getting a job and moving too - it's very easy to say yes I'm open to the idea but actually making it a reality is a lot harder.

So I would take the view that if you move your son will stay in the UK, and if they do end up moving that is a massive bonus.

The motivation for the move wouldn't be because of any desire to work in Dubai in particular - it's a big tax free salary and the opportunity to work outside the UK for a bit - a completely different existence to commuting into London.

If my ex came, we would live together. I would find it difficult to go there without my son. I could see him being happy and have a totally different experience out there for a few years and then returning to the UK.

If he and my ex dont move there too is the money a good enough reason to spend the majority of the next few years away from him? Could they visit at half terms or am I being unrealistic?

How old were you when he worked away? How often did you see him when he worked away?

I lived and worked there for decades, many of which as a single woman. Some of these assurances might help:
-perfectly safe for both women and children. Safer than the UK if you take into account lack of crime
-despite all the glitz and glam, there are plenty of families and individuals just working, saving, enjoying their time off and living normal lives
-it's easy to save money. Tax fee plus higher salaries... Living costs have risen so much in the UK that the two are almost comparable e.g. rent/utilities etc. Petrol and cars are cheaper, some food (raw ingredients ) is cheaper but some (branded) is more expensive
-childcare is easy and cheap
-travel in and out is made easy by an efficient airport and Dubai is close to wonderful places for holidays
-given your family situation, I'd advise putting in place powers of attorney stipulating custody arrangements if plans fall apart. This will give your ex-wife peace of mind. Ditto sorting wills out. I'd do it as part of the admin of moving there and sooner rather than later
-quality of working life depends on your employer. If it's a multi-national, you won't be working Saturdays etc and working patterns will be similar to London
-it's a fabulous opportunity to set yourselves up for life, meet people from all over the world and enjoy a wonderful quality of life

Good luck to you.

"If my ex came, we would live together." They are bending the rules a lot more in Dubai than when I moved there 2010, but I think they still clamp down on unmarried couples living together. You would probably need not to be divorced for living together with your child to be allowed, I think. You could do it under the radar and not advertise it, but there are all sorts of restrictions when getting tenancy and employment contracts and residence/work visas, nowadays, and it might be difficult for you both to work and live together if you are not still married (at least on paper), I think.

How much leave would you get? And are there restrictions on how you can use it?

Not the UAE, but we (as a family) lived in the middle east for several years. DH was strongly encouraged to use all his leave in one long block, which would make it hard to come back for shorter bits of time.

The summers are brutal. I brought the kids back to the UK for most of the summer holiays, as it was just too hot.

I think you all living as one family would be a bad idea - there is a reason you separated, and expat living is not an easy ride - indeed it leads to a number of divorces. So, the choice should be you on your own, or staying in the UK.

Dubai is very safe for women and children, as well as men.

Were you ever married, or are you still? You cannot sponsor her unless you are married but you can sponsor your son.

If not married, she will need a job to be resident there or at least pay for a freelance visa if she wants to set up a small business? What job does she do? There are many jobs that UK expats don't do in the UAE because there are people of other nationalities that will work for much less.

Spot on

I’d also like to add that you’d be unable to live with your ex wife as you’re not married to each other. Yes you could probably find loopholes/live very discreetly but it’s just not worth it. It really is a country where it’s best to follow the rules.

"I think they still clamp down on unmarried couples living together."

They no longer do - it is not an issue.

Interesting, thank you. What is the deal for tenancy contracts, though, when you have to show proof of residence to get your work visa but there is only one person named on the tenancy and registered with Ejari? Has that changed too? Or does a No Objection Certificate cover it now?

Until you are caught.

Not- don’t sell your soul for money from a corrupt and cruel regime

What's the question? I think there can only be one person on an ejari but not sure why that's a concern. My DH isn't on our ejari and he's very much legally working here.

As others have mentioned, unmarried couples living together is completely legal now. Plus they're not a couple anyway - presumably they will have separate rooms.

She will need her own visa sponsorship, but OP said she would only be coming if she could get a job so that's accounted for.

Plenty of single parents in Dubai. Not sure what's the concern from previous poster there.

OP i'd check on the cost of education.

You don't have to show proof of residence to get a work visa, if that's the question (how would that be possible - you can't be resident without the visa,!). You have to show proof of residence to get an ejari. You also have to show the ejari to sponsor family but OP won't be sponsoring his ex as he can't.

Thank you, this is very reassuring and sounds like good advice. I will investigate the legal position but feel much more reassured about this now.

I wouldn't move to another country if my DC couldn't/didn't come with me. Maybe it's a 'mum' thing, but no way would I ever leave my DC. If your ex and your DC can and are willing to go with you, okay, but otherwise it would be a big fat no from me, not for all the money in the world.

My brother lived there for years unmarried to his now wife. Nobody ever batted an eyelid. They even bought a home out there together when still unmarried. It’s not a big deal out there anymore. However, if not married then both parties need to be working out there otherwise it’s a max 3 month stay at a time for the person without a job

safe unless a crime is committed against you as a woman and you are the one convicted.