Single mother moving to Dubai with an autistic (Level 1 ASD) 7 year old - advice please!

[ChocoLeibniz]

I'm not sure whether to post this in "Living Overseas" or "Education/SEN" so apologies if it's in the wrong place.

I have been offered a promotion to a role based in Dubai which will involve some regional travel once a month to Saudi, Nigeria and South Africa. The package includes housing, car allowance and international schooling and financially I think I will be significantly better off than I am currently in London, even allowing for the high cost of living in Dubai.

I am aware of the human rights, cultural and security issues in UAE, Saudi, Nigeria and South Africa.

As well as developing my career, one of my goals would be to save some money so that when we return to the UK in 3-4 years time I would have the option to send my son, currently 7 years old who has Level 1 ASD (equivalent to Aspergers) and ADHD, to a private/independent high school as he cannot manage large class sizes but his autism is not sufficiently severe to qualify for a special school or help in the state system.

It's 10 years since I last visited Dubai so I'm hoping someone living there can help with some queries, particularly about moving as a single professional female with children age 5 (neuro-typical) and 7 (with ASD/ADHD):

1). I'm a solo parent so one attractive aspect of the move would be the ability to have a live in nanny which would allow me to do the travel part of the job and have some time to rest and recharge each week. Is there any hostility towards solo parents/single mothers in Dubai?
I have asked a few people at work but they all have "trailing spouses" /stay at home partners so they didn't have any insight.

2). Would the International Schools such as GEMS or Swiss International Scientific School accept a child with Aspergers? My son is currently in a mainstream private primary/prep school in the UK and is mostly managing ok although he has occasional meltdowns and frequent shutdowns where he falls into a deep sleep for 30 minutes in the afternoon when he has been overwhelmed with stimulation in the morning.

3. My children are very energetic/outdoorsy and really like playing and cycling outside - I'm assuming this isn't possible in Dubai between May - October as it's too hot. They currently enjoy going to swimming lessons, ballet, gymnastics, tennis, football, climbing and tag-rugby all of which can be done indoors. What is the lifestyle like for primary age children in the Summer? I understand a lot of families come back to Europe for the entire school Summer holidays to escape the heat but I wouldn't be able to do this because of the job. We would be able to go on holiday for 2 weeks at most in the Summer.

Sorry it's a bit long but I didn't want to drip-feed and thanks in advance for any insight you can share.

1. there's a fair number of single parents in Dubai. I wouldn't worry about hostility any more than you would do in the UK.

2. I don't know what level 1 means. International schools will take but they'll probably expect you to fun a full time LSA. 7 years old one question will be school space. You will get one but a lot of the more established schools will be full.
   Swiss school is bilingual - is that something you're looking for? I recommend you look at GEMS Metropole for SEN.

3. More and more families stay over the holidays. It is harder for sporty kids in the summer. There are plenty of summer camps though. They can play outside in the evenings for some of the time period you're talking about (DS was playing football this evening and cycled there) but by mid June that will be hard work. You adjust and there's a lot of stuff to do inside (although not cheap!).

Fun = fund

One more point, be aware it won't be that easy to find a live in nanny that you would trust to deal with two young children whilst you travel. There's a shortage of nanny's in Dubai and it might take you a while to find the right person.

I can't help with uour situation as I have no knowledge about it, but yesterday or possibly Saturday someone started a AMA thread about living in Dubai.
if you can find the thread perhaps they can help.

@Nahnanananahna - Thanks for your advice. I'll see if I can renegotiate the package to take into account the cost of hiring a teaching assistant and look into GEMS Metropole. My kids are trilingual so they could probably manage at the Swiss School and pick up another language.

@DeanStockwelllsBunny - thanks for the tip, I'll head over to the AMA section.

We were in KSA, but things to consider:
Check the SEN support carefully. It was really difficult in KSA, but I believe easier in UAE.
Money can very quickly be eaten up. Do your sums.
Check the nanny situation carefully. The nannies I met wouldn't have expected to do overnights solo. Especially if you were out of the country.
I can't see a problem with the single parent bit, but would the kids father concert to them moving country?

@KarrotKake, thanks for your insights. The package I'm being offered covers housing, schooling and car allowance so I'm trying to look at the cost of living for the rest. Part of my motivation for leaving the UK is I'm having problems finding a nanny to cover overnights because the labour market is tight post-Brexit and Pandemic and all the senior jobs in my profession require regular international travel. I was hoping it would be easier in Dubai and was looking forward to travelling in the region but I will look into the nanny situation as I won't be able to do the job if I can't travel.

There's no issue with the father as I'm a solo parent and he has never had any involvement beyond donating gametes.

@ChocoLeibniz be aware that schooling (and transportation) allowances rarely cover all fees.

I recommend joining British Mums Dubai on Facebook and asking there as well. You can get nannies who would do overnight care but it isn't the norm - expect to pay top end and it to take a while to find someone. If you come soon you may get lucky and this is when a lot of families leave and nannies are job hunting.

On schools, if you ask on Facebook be aware you will get lots of parents saying their child's school is the best ever, and very few negatives. This partly due to strong defamation laws but also because a lot of parents need to believe they are sending their child to the 'best' school. There is, of course, no 'best' school as it depends on the child and what you're looking for.

Hey OP congratulations on the offer!

I can't help on the questions you've asked, but have one relating to the nanny. You've mentioned being aware of the security risk in the countries you'd be visiting. I have known people kidnapped in one of those countries and others kidnapped in a country neighbouring another. Does your organisation have a system to support your kids in this (hopefully hypothetical) situation? It would be far too much to expect of the nanny to provide adequate emotional support for an indefinite time. Would the kids be sent to family in the UK/UK family flown out?

All the people kidnapped that I know were released but not immediately. It's not something comfortable to think about, but even worse would be for no plan to be in place and you're the solo parent.

I don't mean to rain on your parade here! While your chances of it happening are small they're raised significantly over living in the UK and having seen the impact it had, it's worth planning for, for your kids' sake.

As an idea what some companies offer abroad for kids needing LAs at school, I know of some who haven't paid and others which have, or a percentage. The diagnosis needed to be provided to the company and in one case I know needed to have a written recommendation of how many hours support. The cost was generally always the full salary (not all the benefits) of the LA, whether part of full time. In terms of what you save, this can be a big drain if you're paying it. And not all schools accepted a child who would need one.

Good luck. Also - medical insurance? Is that covered? Including repatriation if required?

*gosh, there were paragraphs in there!

There's a great Facebook group called Expat Kids Learning Differently where you will get a lot of advice on this, plus they have some good lists and resources. International schools are definitely not all created equal. I don't have any Dubai specific information as we're elsewhere.

@daretodenim thanks for the thoughts around security. I'm ok on this front I think as the company always pays for armed security when I have travelled to places like Nigeria and Algeria in the past and more recently they have done a great job getting all female employees and their children out of Ukraine and into Eastern Europe.

@MerryMaidens thanks for the Facebook group suggestion. I came off Facebook 10 years ago because of privacy concerns but it looks like it will be worthwhile setting up a new account to access useful information to prepare for the move and settling in.

I am an inclusion leader in a private school (British curriculum) in Dubai - schools are not allowed to refuse to admit your son, but he will be required to have an ILSA (1:1 support) which could costs from 3500 - 8000AED/month. Because of this, the schools will normally only have one child per class who has this level of support so you will need to check availability of places. Some schools have additional provision for children with autism - this may be for children who have greater need than your son though.

Your nanny will not be permitted to support him at school, so you face paying for someone to provide in-school support too.

Hi, hope you are ok? I moved to Dubai in August 2022. My 8 year old son struggled with the transition. I have had to employ a LSA as he was struggling with not only the transition but his learning. The class sizes are the same as a mainstream UK school and behaviour isn’t great with the boys. My son accesses a small break out room to help him concentrate and access his learning. The LSA’s are typically non British. However all the teaching staff are British or Irish trained. Hope you have found what you are looking for.

@HSY85, thanks for your message.

We survived the first term at least! I will also now hire a temporary learning assistant for my son from the Spring term onwards - it's going to cost AED3000 per month. I'm hoping this will really help with his reading.

I was surprised at how big the class sizes are and you're right that poor behaviour from the boys is somehow tolerated.

On the upside my son has been in a STEM holiday camp this week and has absolutely loved it so I'm going to try to sign him up for more STEM and sport extra-curricular stuff after school to help with his confidence and to have more positive male role models, as all his teachers at school are female.

The move to Dubai has so far been really good overall. I am particularly blown away by the healthcare system here - we have a health practice at the bottom of our apartment building which is open 7 days a week from 8am - 9pm with doctors, dentist, physio and they do blood tests on site. Amazing and good value for money given the service level.

Glad to hear he’s getting the support. I have felt quite overwhelmed by it all as my son did not require a lsa at home. However with soo many needs in his classroom I felt like he would fall through the net especially when he started to display behaviours we have never seen before. I was afraid he would be branded as “naughty” when really it was frustration he of being in Arabic lessons and his learning not being accessible. The school phoned his school in the UK to clarify and they were shocked to hear. Every child reacts differently we think naively that children are resilient. I really did not expect it. However I did expect the school to meet his needs and differentiate and scaffold his learning this is happening now after trying to get to the bottom of it and getting my son to talk about/draw his emotions.

The extra curricular will be great for his confidence. You are doing amazing.