To move back to Australia with husband and son

[ECK23]

Hello everyone!

I'll be as quick and concise as I can with this! Sorry for the length...

For context, I moved to Australia with my parents and sister when I was a teenager (now 32) - it was my dad's life long dream. I enjoyed myself there, made some great friends, went to a lovely private school (the like of which we would never have been able to afford in the UK), obtained Australian citizenship and for an 18 year old at university and working part time, I was certainly wealthier than a lot of my friends back in the UK. Higher salaries seem to be a theme in Oz, no matter how old you are.

However, my heart always yearned to be back in the UK. I've never felt so British as I did when I lived in Oz! I never really threw myself in to the Australian lifestyle on reflection... perhaps in protest at being away from the UK?! Who knows what was going through my mind.

After graduating from uni in Oz, I made the move back to the UK and tried my luck in London. Leaving my parents - my mum in particular - and my sister was devastating. We're very close, but I knew moving back to the UK was the right thing to do. It was! I excelled in my chosen career, it was beyond wonderful to see extended family and close friends, hop over to Europe any time I wanted for a tenner, be around the culture and history that I adore. I studied history at uni, so being around that sector constantly was wonderful. My parents travel over once a year, sometimes twice, and I go and visit them when I can.

I met my husband in London and we went on to get married, bought a house and have a DS - he's 1.

Getting to the main point of this post, I miss my mum more than I can say and I'm unsure whether to move back to Australia... I would love for my parents to move back to the UK, but they have a great life here and have no intention of moving back. I've started to realise that young, single me is no more and I'm now a grown up with a husband and baby. I think my son would have an amazing life here with the added bonus of seeing his grandparents, but he also has a wonderful life in the UK. I certainly loved my own childhood in the UK. I think these feelings have been made all the more prominent in my mind since my sister had her baby. We're very close as a family - my husband is close to my family too - and my heart aches to spend more time with them now.

I haven't broached this with my husband. He enjoys visiting Australia and has made casual noises about perhaps moving here with work, but it's certainly nothing concrete. I have no idea how he'd react if I asked him how he would feel about moving, although it likely wouldn't be totally unexpected. I've also lived in the US, so picking up and moving somewhere new is somewhat easy for me and I find making friends and connections easy. He's more of a home bird, but loves adventure.

I could write another post about his own family... I used to get on with them very well, but their behaviour during my pregnancy and since the birth of my son has led to my anxiety growing worse and worse, to the point where my GP has referred me for CBT. I had / have PND and it's all related. My husband isn't that close to his parents and barely sees his sister, so perhaps he would be open to the adventure of moving down under, however the last thing I would want to do is create any more tension with his family. My own feelings about his family aside, I want to make sure my husband is comfortable. The above paragraph is all very vague, but trust me I could go on and on.

I don't really know what my question is...! I was perhaps thinking about moving to Oz temporarily, perhaps - 2 years or so with the intention of moving back to the UK and keeping the door open there. We really do love it in the UK and have a great life. My husband could get permanent residency in Oz, along with my son - I have dual citizenship.

Hmmm... what do you think? Stay in the UK, move to Australia, temporary move to Australia...

I'd welcome any stories from anyone, particularly anyone who boomerangs back and forth from the UK and Australia! x

I have both passports so I've done a bit of back and forth over the years. Why not rent out your place in the UK and go to Aus for a couple of years? If it doesn't work out, go back. I'm in Aus at the moment but haven't written off another stint in the UK at some point.

I think it's really up to your husband. Unless you voiced this before you settled down, it would be unfair to force him to move. So I guess you see if he's willing and if he is, go for it. You can always come back if you find it's not quite as you remember it. Nothing worse than living with rerets and if onlys. But you and your husband near to be clear before going on the rules about staying or returning.

I think if you were ever going to try out a life in Australia now - while you son is young - is the ideal time. There are obviously lots of logistical and financial considerations that you don’t mention in your post but those can be worked out and I think the fact that it seems to be such an emotional desire from you means that you will always wonder about. And you may possibly regret not giving it a try. I think you need to speak with your husband and see if this is something he would even consider and then go from there.

I will say that, as with all international couples, you need to worry about what will happen if one of you loves it there and one does not. If your child lives there for more than 6 months that will be considered their country of residence which would make it very hard for either of you to return to the UK with your son. This is something you should discuss with your husband so he can make any decision about moving internationally with the most information.

I think if your husband is willing, do it now.
Your son is only 1. I'd plan to go for 2 years and extend if you want to.

@silentpool

I have both passports so I've done a bit of back and forth over the years. Why not rent out your place in the UK and go to Aus for a couple of years? If it doesn't work out, go back. I'm in Aus at the moment but haven't written off another stint in the UK at some point.

If either of you has the option to second through work to Aus absolutely take that opportunity.

Our stories sound really similar except I grew up in Australia (my Dad was British but died when I was young so I am a duel citizen). We decided to try out Australia and moved when I was pregnant with my first, so went to Sydney for two and a half years. Luckily we rented out our place in London easily and DH took a secondment through work which covered all of his visa expenses, and most of our moving costs and it came to an end naturally, which kid for us to move back.

We did like it and had a wonderful time but ultimately decided London is the place for us. We found Sydney felt quite a transient place compared to London, harder to make friends (I didn't grow up there), cost of living is exceptional and just couldn't see a future there.

I hate the distance from my family but we have a way better quality of life in London (and, COVID aside, go back every 12-18 months), and London feels much more aligned with how I want to raise the children. I am really close to my family so it is hard, but we just make it work and the time we do spend together is very precious.

Thank you so much for responding everyone!

Yes, I think if I was going to move temporarily with a young family it should be now.

I’ll chat to hubby… we could both potentially get transferred for work, although my job is really UK focused. Financially we’re comfortable, so that should be OK although I’d need to do some more research there.

So many things to think about! I really do put family first now I’m older and a mother myself, but it’s whether my husband is on the same page. I also need to confront whether deep down it’s really something I’m prepared to do…

Thank you again - very much appreciated!

Do it.

I moved back September 2020 after 7 years in Melbourne and I'm now desperate to move back (albeit have decided Perth is better move for us this time)

Good Luck.

Hi, do you have an update? Have you decided?

Curious @ECK23 what you decided to do in the end?

I moved home to Aus in 2018 after 10 years in London. Absolutely the right decision for us.

This time with your baby, Mum, sister and cousins is magical.

I would choose to spend these precious years with them wherever they lived if it could work out.

That would be a wonderful gift for you all.

Love and family is to be cherished and what it’s all about - if you have that set up.

I must be v hard if your DH family are less than in that regard.

Choose to go for a year. See how it goes.

Hi everyone!

Thanks for the nudge 😊

We're still in the UK and have back and forth conversations about moving. My husband would like to wait until our DS is a bit older so he can enjoy the outdoorsy life a bit more. Surfing etc. He's 18 months old. It's still on the table!

I'm currently in a very good position with work and am enjoying post-mat leave life.

I don't think we'll pick up on this for another year or so, or even later if we have a second baby. It poses the risk of our DS getting older and becoming unsettled... I think, as it stands, if we were to move it would be temporary.

It's definitely 2023 thinking, but I really appreciate your comments and have taken them onboard.

Happy New Year!