Ah fuck, DH wants to move back to the U.K.

[backtotheoldsmoke]

DH is closing his start up which means we need to head back to the U.K. We have 6-7 months to plan the best timeline to go back to London. But fuck it. I'm not ready yet to leave where we are.

Tell me the good things about moving back "home"! Cheer me up about another admin nightmare of a move, this time with baby and dog!

Erm....

I'd be pushing to stay where you are if at all possible!

Sorry.

No choice in staying unless I decided to separate which isn't going to happen.

We'll be going back to London with a toddler. Back to our old flat with many stairs and no space for a buggy in the hall.

I need to try and get excited about this.

Do you have to move back to your London flat? Could you sell it & buy something bigger elsewhere?

Why does selling his business mean you have to move back? Are there no other alternatives that would allow you to stay?

Can you move somewhere cheaper so you have more space ? Why London?

Is you flat currently rented out? Could you lease that out for another while and rent elsewhere that is more suitable for a buggy.

Do you have to move back to London or could you move elsewhere?

Sell the flat and buy something more suitable? Or, assuming it's already rented out, keep it that way and rent something more suitable?

Have you told your DH you'd rather stay? Could he get another job? Or you get a job and he looks after the toddler?

Why are you tied to London? Is there anywhere else you would rather move to, if you are not trapped by jobs/schools.

If you must return to the flat...

1. Lots of public parks nearby
2. Good transport links
3. Everywhere does delivery and prebooking now, making things like getting a table or going to softplay a little more civilised
4. Toddler will be graduating towards a backpack and reins instead of a buggy (could you get away with a folding buggy that can be hung on the wall?)
5. It will be the summer by the time you arrive.

That's it for now...

London is great with kids! And you might be back for summer. Stuff to do everywhere, every day. Look at Happity.co.uk for some ideas.

Natural History Museum alone is worth it for a toddler. We've been there twice and DS talks about it and thinks about it nearly every day. Blows. His. Mind.

And then there's the farms and stuff just on the outskirts. Diggerland is a massive hit for example. Christmas stuff was brilliant.

No choice in staying. The business closing means we lose the visa. Sorry can't explain more than that but really no choice in staying.

We tried to sell the flat last year but no wanted a flat in London during the pandemic. Thankfully we love our neighbours and it's a two bed so can accommodate us all. I don't mind moving back to the flat per se. But having missed NCT/baby groups etc I'm not sure how to make "baby" friends. Do nursery's have parents WhatsApp groups?

Plus both of us will need to look for jobs and use up what's left of our savings to start again. DH seems convinced he can make a better go of the business if we move back to the U.K. he won't go back to the corporate rat race which is fine since I never saw him back then. But it's been weird for me being the main breadwinner and that's going to continue in the U.K. with a lower salary since salaries in the U.K. are lower overall.

@TheABC

Why are you tied to London? Is there anywhere else you would rather move to, if you are not trapped by jobs/schools.

If you must return to the flat...

1. Lots of public parks nearby
2. Good transport links
3. Everywhere does delivery and prebooking now, making things like getting a table or going to softplay a little more civilised
4. Toddler will be graduating towards a backpack and reins instead of a buggy (could you get away with a folding buggy that can be hung on the wall?)
5. It will be the summer by the time you arrive.

That's it for now...

OMG thank you for this! This is what I needed to read!

On the bright side apparently the job market is very hot with salaries rising fast…

It will be lovely weather here in 6 months…

Surely, surely, Boris Johnson will be out of a job by then 🤞…

The Omicron wave will be over by then and there will be very high levels of immunity (as everyone here has covid at the moment), so UK will be in a better position than other countries that haven’t peaked yet…

Good museums / multicultural stuff / London events for toddler…

If you can’t get excited about the flat can you continue to let it and live elsewhere in UK eg pretty seaside town or small village in commuter belt?

I love London. Recently moved further out for space, but when I've gone back in for work I do miss it.

It's already been said that you won't need the buggy for long. Get a good easy fold one if you still do, and a good sling and backpack.

I miss the diversity of London. The parks, the food, being able to get takeaway after 9pm! I miss the public transport (shocking, but when you're gone you become aware of how bad it is elsewhere). I miss the pubs, the theatre.

There's no going back for us, and we couldn't afford a bigger place where we were (was in a 1 bed). And I love our house, but if I could pick it up and move it to London I'd be tempted.

You'll be fine. And if you're not, no move has to be forever. It's just the next step.

I feel for you, we are in a similar situation, we are still debating on whether to move back or not.

Anyway, pros

It’s London, there is always something to do and somewhere to take children, especially as they grow, museums, theatres, theme parks, historical sites….
Excellent transport
Easy to hop on Eurostar for holidays
You can definitely move to a small buggy with a toddler
Great social life
There will definitely be parents you can meet through nursery, activities.

You will have an amazing time back in London. And there were no baby groups in covid so everyone will be in the same boat as you. Just try to join some toddler groups etc. if you possibly can.

Thanks for all those sending the pros!

One of things that really holds me back is the weather! I loved those rainy horrible days when DH would sit on the sofa and watch a million movies but now I hate them! DS is a non stop child who hates staying in. I know all I need is appropriate weather clothes etc! But it's so much easier when all that's needed is shorts and a t shirt and then a bath afterwards. As opposed to the muddy mess that comes with going to a park with a toddler in the rain.

I'm really wimpy about the cold and rain. Weirdly I'm ok with snow as it's "dry".

I need to remember that we loved London before. We can love it again with DS with us.

The part which makes me sad is that London will be further away from my family who are abroad too. Closer to DHs who are still in the U.K.

I moved back last year and I bitterly regret it, so cannot offer any hope

I hate it so.

Can you not move somewhere else? A different country?

Where are you?
Seasons, rain, grass, heating, drinking water from the tap, not brushing my teath in tepid water, museums, changing rooms in shops, online shopping, traffic that vaguely obeys the rules of the road, continuity of supply in shoos (ie icing sugar only available this week no sugar the week after, sugar cubes only the week after vs everything usually there)

Bad: wet, grey days, community spirit (lack of).

I'm glad we're back.

@LemonMuffins

I moved back last year and I bitterly regret it, so cannot offer any hope

I hate it so.

Oh no! Why the regret? Where were you before?

Hmm. I’m self employed, and have worked abroad, so I get the visa situation… but I wouldn’t be moving home on a whim and a faint idea that his business would do better here. Business is hard in a lot of places right now… and london is expensive.

It also doesn’t sound like this has been much of a chat, but more him deciding?

You’ll do fine if you do decide to come back, everywhere has downsides, and London is nice enough. But it’s a massive life decision and I’d want solid plans about why it’s best for everyone…

We should have moved abroad last March on a business visa. We didn’t, because the in-laws needed us, and I regret it massively. It’s harder moving around now, even with business visas. And even if you’re not in the EU, and it’s not harder, it’s a big disruption to life. I’d want to be sure that it was then right move for everyone, not just a convenient one right now.

Re nursery WhatsApp groups, some might - I expect they’d need to be parent run rather than a central nursery thing, for GDPR etc.

I absolutely loved being in London up when my children were young, still love it but it is so easy to get about, so many different toddler groups (where you will meet people), a great community around primary schools as everyone lives so near. Great things to do when it's wet like galleries etc., taking buses (top deck), parks... it will all be ok.

@TracyMosby

Can you not move somewhere else? A different country?

We've explored all the options. And actually we're we currently are was our stop gap "let's not move back to the U.K. yet" option. Now for the sake of DH's business we do need to go back to London

@TakeYourFinalPosition

Hmm. I’m self employed, and have worked abroad, so I get the visa situation… but I wouldn’t be moving home on a whim and a faint idea that his business would do better here. Business is hard in a lot of places right now… and london is expensive.

It also doesn’t sound like this has been much of a chat, but more him deciding?

You’ll do fine if you do decide to come back, everywhere has downsides, and London is nice enough. But it’s a massive life decision and I’d want solid plans about why it’s best for everyone…

We should have moved abroad last March on a business visa. We didn’t, because the in-laws needed us, and I regret it massively. It’s harder moving around now, even with business visas. And even if you’re not in the EU, and it’s not harder, it’s a big disruption to life. I’d want to be sure that it was then right move for everyone, not just a convenient one right now.

Re nursery WhatsApp groups, some might - I expect they’d need to be parent run rather than a central nursery thing, for GDPR etc.

Our current location was always a stop gap, I knew the day would come when going back to the U.K. would be the next step.

We have chatted and chatted and chatted Staying is a no go. We are in our current location because we were trying to get a visa back to the US - going to out myself now. - that's just not going to happen anymore. And so we are in a third country where we can live visa free but DH isn't fluent in the language and his start up unfortunately hasn't thrived - it was an online thing with client in the US.

London really is best for everyone in a long term future sort of way.

Well, for what it's worth, I'm raising my kids in London, and I love it! So much to do constantly, so many different cultures, and food. The kids go to school with people from all over the world. It's so great never having to drive- the I love people who chose to live here. Once, we went to the Natural History Museum after school, just for fun.

I actually think London is more enjoyable when the kids are older so they can enjoy all the above properly, but it's really a great place to raise kids :)