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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Anyone in the process of moving home?

195 replies

KobaniDaughters · 28/04/2021 05:20

Looks like we’re more than likely moving back to the U.K. - maybe end of the year for DH but summer for DC and I. Feeling pretty overwhelmed and wondering if anyone else was planning to head back from abroad in the next few months for shared hand holding?

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londontonyc · 22/07/2021 14:24

@Awomanwalksintoabar I'm feeling exactly the same. We're planning to move back in a year and I'm completely torn ☹️. I'm so tired of thinking about what's best for the kids, and where I really want to be. I don't want the last year here to be a sad one, we've all made great friends here.

But, if we don't move then we're tied here for the whole of high school really and I don't want to commit to that either. Aargh!
I keep reminding myself I felt exactly the same about moving here in the first place - so uncertain.

What an opportunity we've had! An amazing chapter in our lives. I keep telling myself that as problems go, there are worse ones to have!

Thefourthcraw · 24/07/2021 08:14

Oh @Awomanwalksintoabar I feel the same! I have stopped moaning to DH now, as he is fed up of it. I was never happy about the decision, but it is definitely too late for us to change our minds, and I do want to see friends and family in the UK, but our quality of life will be measurably worse. I have a job here that I love, fantastic friends, the kids are settled in a great school and it is a beautiful country that we have hardly explored at all due to covid. In my heart I would love to have a few more years, but that makes no sense in relation to timing. I feel like I have cold feet and DH has perpetual itchy feet! I am sure it is partly uncertainty, I hope I will be able to slap on a smile when we are back and seeing people.

Thefourthcraw · 24/07/2021 08:20

@londontonyc that is very true about there being worse problems to have, its the choice between 2 great cities. I love what you said about this chapter in your lives.

Its good to hear that so many others feel the same @KobaniDaughters

DH is already talking about where we can go next. I think overseas moves can become a bit addictive, but he hasn't settled here as much as I have and his family will be heart broken if we jet off somewhere else.

I hope the practical stuff is going smoothly @Awomanwalksintoabar. I am supposed to be looking into covid tests rather than hanging out on mumsnet!

Awomanwalksintoabar · 24/07/2021 11:08

Ah, now I feel less alone, thank you so much. @Thefourthcraw YES! All of what you wrote. About the beautiful country, the quality of life. Especially now the sun’s come out and the COVID restrictions are (temporarily?) eased at last. But there are a lot of advantages to bring at home for us. I just wish it didn’t seem so FINAL. Brexit and Corona make it feel like we’ll never be able to get off our rainy island ever again. I know that’s ridiculous, but I’ve got this closing-in feeling.

Since posting, and talking to DH, I am able to go through the motions of moving - clearing out stuff, signing the rental contract, all that admin stuff - so we are ploughing ahead.

I’m also booking COVID tests! 480 quid for all
of us 🤯

Awomanwalksintoabar · 24/07/2021 11:12

@londontonyc your words really resonate with me. I was also uncertain about coming here, and have made a success of it. So I’m sure we will nail this next chapter too.

I donated some toys to the children’s old kindergarten yesterday, and the lovely head said to me, “How lucky you are to have these three wonderful years to look back on.” And I keep thinking about what she said, and she’s (and you’re) right- we are very lucky, these are great problems to have!

londontonyc · 24/07/2021 15:53

Just to be clear - when I said I'm tired of thinking about what's best for the kids I didn't mean I'm fed up with putting them first, just that it's impossible to decide without a crystal ball and the decision is so huge it makes my head spin. I want someone to TELL me where we'll be happiest but that's impossible Sad

I feel like I need to make a list of pros and cons but they're incomparable. It really doesn't help that we can't go back AGAIN this summer.

The whole school process is awkward too. We would be returning to our own house but obviously can't apply until we're there. The local primaries are hugely oversubscribed, with massive waiting lists so we're crossing fingers that a place becomes available at their old independent school and they'd go back there. This particular point has aged me by about 10 years!

londontonyc · 24/07/2021 16:04

Sorry that was a very negative rant!

A couple of things I'm looking forward to - being with family and friends. Our new friends and neighbours are lovely but you can't beat relaxing in the company of your best and oldest friends!

Travelling somewhere other than home Smile
I feel like I've missed Europe more than I've missed the UK, and want to go to Italy or Spain rather than an annual whistle stop tour of all family and friends.

The weather would you believe - it's so hot and humid here at the moment! Doesn't suit my British constitution Smile

Just being back in Stinky old London. I love it Wink

Awomanwalksintoabar · 24/07/2021 21:07

Oh yes, I knew exactly what you meant. It IS exhausting to think about all the time. We realised, in our last ditch cold feet moment last week, that for every pro of moving home there is a con, and for every pro of staying there is a con. So in a way I’m glad I never wrote a list, although I always felt I should.

In case it helps, what we’re telling ourselves now is that in 2 years time this will all be irrelevant. We’ll be settled, and we won’t know how the path we didn’t take would have turned out.

And yes, your second post about new friends and neighbours vs old friends and family, I could have written that myself. We’ve made some amazing friends here, but I’m really looking forward to having, for us and especially for the children, our “people” around us again.

I keep telling the children that this is the hardest part (as it was when we moved here, but they were too little to really remember). We’re dismantling our current lives, packing up, saying goodbye, doing all these “lasts”. But we can’t see the benefits yet, because we haven’t moved. So although there’s an ending, we haven’t quite reached the beginning. And when we do, things will start feeling easier and happier. They seem to understand, and it was certainly my experience 3 years ago when we came here.

turfsausage · 27/07/2021 04:39

I'm so pleased to have found this thread! We are planning a move back to the UK as well, after nearly 3 years in NZ. I really haven't enjoyed it or settled in here, I've made a couple of friends and it's been ok, but I just find it pretty boring and have felt quite depressed most of the time. I think we have just about agreed to move back (my husband is a kiwi which doesn't help) but even though I don't like it very much here, I still feel daunted by the moving back! It's ridiculous I know! i think it's the knowledge of all the stuff there is to do, and I don't quite know where to move to, and what we should plan first. Sometimes things can feel overwhelming and I feel like I can't be bothered.
We have 2 kids, 10 and 8, and I feel a bit bad for them in some ways as I know they'll miss their life here, and it will take a bit of time to settle in, but I think the opportunities are much better for education and careers in the UK. It's also always just the 4 of us which is definitely not what I'm used to!
Anyway please keep posting, I don't think anyone will have found my post useful but I've found all yours very helpful and reassuring!

turfsausage · 27/07/2021 04:41

PS @londontonyc I hear you about stinky old london! I miss it so!

Wantingtomove123 · 31/07/2021 13:21

Hi again
Awomanwalksintoabar you are definitely not alone!
Still haven’t moved. Waiting for some financial matters to be sorted out. Then I can book the tickets and hotel quarantine. Going to cost so much but it doesn’t look like the country we are in will move out of red list any time soon. The covid numbers are increasing. Nearly 5 months after our first jab and we still haven’t been given the second. Confused
Managed to renovate our apartment which will be given on rent. Can find someone after we move.
Keep looking at rightmove for houses to rent in Cotswolds. I don’t think dd will be able to start at a school in September as I planned.
I’m itching to move now!

Awomanwalksintoabar · 01/08/2021 15:32

@Wantingtomove123 wow, hotel quarantine. It’s just good money after bad, isn’t it? We’ll be going through France, so it looks like we’ll have to quarantine with family. Although I’ve refunded the COVID tests I bought (£480!!) because I’m hoping things will change!

Less than a week till we leave our little village, and I’m SO sad, still crying all the bloody time. I actually think I might be having some kind of breakdown. I’m not sleeping very well, which isn’t helping. All our friends are popping on and off holiday, and I keep thinking, if we weren’t bloody moving, we could be driving to the Italian lakes or spending a week in Austria. This makes no sense, because we will actually have a holiday on the way home, but it feels like an awful lot of effort.

We’ve even figured out a way to tie up some financial and legal loose ends, which I’d been feeling terribly guilty about. I thought this would make me feel better, but apparently it hasn’t. Sorry to be so negative. Wishing you all very well.

KobaniDaughters · 05/08/2021 19:40

@Awomanwalksintoabar I imagine these last few days will be really hard!

I’m on the plane back to LA after a month in the U.K. with much to discuss with DH. DS loved touring schools and is now super excited about the move, DD oscillates between being excited and distraught. We’ve decided we’ll be moving in 2022 and I wouldn’t have told them this far in advance but I really want to take DS to see some schools and for them to use the trip to picture themselves back. I think DD has just had a tougher time during the pandemic than DS and feels like she’s only starting to be able to see her friends again. I’ve said to them both we don’t need to discuss it any more until the new year and encouraging them to live in the moment until we make firm plans.

In the meantime still no closer to deciding where to live. Toss up is between a few places that feel more us and a really fresh start but being an hour + away from my parents, or going to their nearest town and the corresponding benefits of them being nearby but really need to work it out with DH

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Thefourthcraw · 12/08/2021 06:20

Hi everyone! It’s getting really close for us now only 9 days until we fly. I am flirting between cold feet/ anxiety and a tiny bit of excitement. I just wish we could go back to our house and didn’t have to go to an Airbnb for 4 weeks. Still no further forward on school places for the younger 2 so will be applying after we arrive, this doesn’t help the anxiety levels, I hear you @londontonyc on the ageing affects of school worry!

Have you got closer to booking @Wantingtomove123?

Exciting to have a plan for next year @KobaniDaughters, time to start decluttering!!

How are you doing @Awomanwalksintoabar? I guess you may be on your way by now. Safe travels, I hope you are feeling more positive about the move. I am also in the constant crying phase.

Welcome @turfsausage! Do you have a time frame in mind?

Wantingtomove123 · 12/08/2021 10:10

@Thefourthcraw Booked plane tickets for 24th but waiting to hear back from hotel quarantine. The prices have gone up and I did send email to book before price increase but they haven’t confirmed the booking yet. I guess we’ll be paying the increased price 🤨 They have said if hey can’t find a family room we may have to change flights. 😕
And sorting out last minute things here. Legal and financial matters. Dropping off things as need to empty our place so it can be given out on rent. Packing. Only allowed 23kg each. 😫
The covid numbers here are increasing by the day. So worried we’ll catch covid and won’t be able to come even though we have had both jabs.
So excited too. Returning after 16 years!

KobaniDaughters · 12/08/2021 14:52

@Wantingtomove123 that sounds so stressful - where are you moving from?

@Thefourthcraw gosh that’s come up quickly! Is everything set for your tenants to leave in 5 weeks so you can move in?

I had a massive anxiety dream about life in the U.K. last night and battling the tube and train to get to work and doing the maths on the conversion of my earnings (I will be earning substantially less doing the same work) which was discombobulating. I know our lives here are easier than they will be at home on many levels but also just tired of living in limbo

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Wantingtomove123 · 27/08/2021 07:37

Arrived in England! Although not seen much of it yet as we are in quarantine hotel and there’s 2 trees right outside the window.
@KobaniDaughters from Sri Lanka.
Looking up houses for rent on rightmove. So excited to be back!

1frenchfoodie · 28/08/2021 08:44

You must be close to moving back in to your house @Thefourthcraw - is everything on track? We have been back 4 weeks now but still sofa surfing/camping as the ex-tenant left everything in the house when evicted and we need to give 14 days for collection. Less than a week to go til we can get clearing at last.

Thefourthcraw · 28/08/2021 14:20

Hi @1frenchfoodie, we arrived in the U.K. last week and are still staying with family members playing on the fact they have missed us so much that they want to put us up! I can see this is starting to wear thin and we are moving into an Airbnb next week for 2 weeks until our tenants move out of our house. I’m glad you are close to moving into yours.

We have only been living out of cases for 2 weeks, but it feels like much longer! I can’t wait to get back into our house and get unpacked. I sure you feel exactly the same. Also frustrating that we won’t get school places before term starts, but I am resigned to that idea now. It seems like the next things on the to do list all require a permanent address so we are stuck until the tenants go. I hope everyone else’s plans are progressing Smile

Thefourthcraw · 28/08/2021 14:22

Welcome back @Wantingtomove123! I hope your time in hotel quarantine passes quickly

Zpack · 24/09/2021 02:50

Just checking in, I have been lurking because there isn't much I can do now until nearer the time. I am changing my mind constantly about the decision, the kids are happy and settled here, we have a good network of friends, good career prospects etc. BUT I have told my family we are coming back so now it is non-negotiable, they would never forgive us if we didn't return.... and that's why I told them. We are simply too far away from ageing family. I hope the kids come out of it relatively unscathed though.

We are considering sorting a rental before we get back, in which case it's going to sit empty for a period until we arrive. Is a lease enough to apply for a school place? Has anyone else done this before they got back?

I hope everyone is coping with the all the upheaval and uncertainty of the overseas move.

londontonyc · 24/09/2021 03:21

Hello Zpack I'm feeling the same! Next summer seems not so far away now that autumn has arrived and the kids are well into a new school year. They will be heartbroken Sadand I hope they don't resent it. It's the end of an era, which is kind of tied in with the end of their childhood as they approach big school and more homework, less time to play etc. I'm so pleased they've enjoyed a more laid back approach to elementary school here but I think we'll pay for it on our return!

A lease is certainly enough to apply for a school place, but you have to be actually living in the rental before you can make the application. Such a pain, to have the uncertainty of schools looming over the move right until you get home.

We have to put our house here on the market, and work out how to get the cat home. Feeling guilty about that too! So many emotions!

Thefourthcraw · 24/09/2021 20:16

Good luck with it all @Zpack, we also told our families so we felt the decision had been made and we couldn't back out! The difficulty I have found is that I now feel quite resentful that my family doesn't ask any questions about our time in Australia and just seem quite smug that they have got what they wanted. It feels quite chaotic in the uk with some empty supermarket selves and fuel panic buying! Like the early days of the pandemic Other than that, it is lovely to be in our house and the kids have settled well in school and seem to have adapted much better than their parents. The schools here are definitely a big step up for our kids and the school has identified a lot of gaps for my 5 year old. I sometimes think of a parallel universe when we didn't make the decision to move abroad and just stayed here in our same boring life and i get a shiver down my spine!! I would love to be planning another move, so it can't be too bad.

Zpack · 02/10/2021 00:03

@Thefourthcraw how are you doing now? Have you been affected by the fuel shortage? That’s great you’re in your place and starting to settle in. It must be quite tough that family are being a little smug, I’m not surprised you’re feeling resentful. I am worrying a lot about the upheaval for all of us, and just missing it here after so long. My youngest two will be considerably behind by the UK’s schooling standards. I’m expecting at least a few months of them struggling to catch up and adjust, as well as make new friends. The kids have all been able to see their friends during the second week of the holidays and it’s made me realise that they all have a good network here. There’s always a friend over, and they bump into friends at the beach or the park!

I know what you mean about “what if we’d never done it”. It’s why I couldn’t go back to the town I grew up in. We might come back in the future, I think the kids will at some point. Hopefully they all move and then we can stick together!

Thefourthcraw · 04/10/2021 10:14

Hi @Zpack, fortunately we haven't had to drive our car much, so still have fuel although all the fuel stations near us have run out. I am hoping they get a delivery soon, as we have to drive a lot in the next week.

I think moving here would have been easier if I'd come prepared that no one would care about our time overseas. I was really worried about the kids missing their friends, but they have hardly asked about them at all. The first few weeks they were all regularly doing video calls, but now they have met new friends, they aren't asking at all, its quite ruthless how much they live in the moment! They are also on a steep trajectory with school work and they all get much more homework here, which has been quite tricky to fit into busy evenings, but they are all making progress to catch up.

Things I would have done differently-

  1. Zero expectations of family asking about our time abroad
  2. Give enough notice to tenants to move into our house immediately (not our fault- pandemic minimum notice period)
  3. Move back in June/ July to get school places sorted for September so they could start with all the other kids

Also I have felt so homesick for our Australian home. I really didn't expect that Sad

Good luck all you movers!