Feel lost 2 years after moving back to UK, seeking advice

[Lizzie523]

I first went to Spain when I was 20 on a uni assignment. I fell in love with it & went straight back after graduation. I stayed for a year then went back to UK. Why? Not sure. Because I only planned to stay for a year...

Back in the UK i met a guy & we were together for 2 years before he cheated. I went back to Spain for another 2 years and left because my job had stopped paying me & I became depressed. I felt the city was my 'home' in my heart, loved the culture etc but thought I'd better back to UK to get a better job.

I got a job almost double my salary in the UK quickly, much to my surprise. Ive had a better standard of living & got paid for some theatre performances & booked again before lockdown. I was also due to go on a date with a guy the work of lockdown/who I still like & have kept in touch with throughout the pandemic. But who knows if that will pick up.

But I don't know. I'm late 20s now. I think about things opening up again & all I can think about is being back in Spain. About half my friends are there now. I think if I went back to live I'd never come back to the UK permanently again.

I just....dont know what to do. With all the coming and going I dont seem to be making the right choices and I'm scared of waking up one day and regretting where I am.

I'm also getting Irish citizenship atm in some hope that would help me if Brexit caused issues in future.

I’m not sure I understand your dilemma. Bouncing around between countries and jobs is what your twenties are for, as I’m concerned. I lived in two different parts of France, the UK, different parts of the US and the ME in mine (not from the UK).

Is there any reason why you shouldn’t go back to Spain?

@Lucent after a while there is something exhausting about moving around endlessly. I have friends everywhere & romantic relationships have been difficult to sustain.

I think my family expected me to get travelling out of my system then come back and settle down. Then under sad circumstances I came into some of my inheritance when I first came back. I bought a flat & have since saved a good amount of money. But of course the property ties me here for now.

I feel under pressure to choose a country as I dont want to keep moving. I'm not happy in my career either & want to change. As I say, feel totally lost and i dont feel there is anyone who can help or help me find the answer?

I think if you address your career concerns the country question will fall into place naturally. I wouldn't discount the advantages you have here with a flat and savings. Spain isn't going anywhere

In your 20s you shouldn't worry so much about how much you enjoy or are motivated by what you're doing now, but what you are working towards - what the people 5-10 years ahead of you are doing. That's where you're heading, with luck - if you like the look of it then stick to it, and if you don't like the look of it then now's the time to think about other options. For instance, when I was in my 20s I was in private practice in the city. I enjoyed my job and what I was doing on a day to day basis as a junior associate, but looking at the partners in my law firm, it looked grim the further up you got! Longer hours, less control over travel, more at the client's beck and call and a whole new pressure to bring in business. Whereas people in some parts of the finance world appeared to be having anything between super boring to absolutely miserable time at the junior end but it definitely seemed to get better as they got more senior. I switched fields nearly 10 years ago and it was a good decision.

Do you have a mentor in your industry? Now might be the time to have a few really good talks with people more senior than you about your strengths and where you see yourself in 2, 5 and 10 years. It may be that a lateral move into a related role is what you need, rather than an entire retraining. It may also be that you just need lockdown to end and normal life to resume and you will remember what it was you enjoyed about your career.

I hope some of that helps

Thank you for your reply @Xiaoxiong

I suppose I am very conscious of being late 20s, about to leap head first into the 30s. Feeling I should be settled & yet not wanting to be.

Might be outing here, but anyway: I am a writer. I have had work published in a few collections in UK bookshops. A couple of great mentors have said they think I have what it takes to be a novelist. I finally wrote my first draft & am trying to edit my second now. I have also written a play recently. I know it is very hard to make it as a writer but I feel miserable at the thought of not even trying.

In a perfect world, I would have more time to work on my writing for at least a couple of years as my sole focus.

Among the other writers I know, hardly any of them seem to have a proper day job. (other than a few teachers/tutors). I remember interviewing a now well established UK author years ago & when I told her I work full time she said 'but how do you write?'. She worked part time waitressing & spent all the rest of her time writing.

So what are my options?

• I could become a digital nomad and work freelance.
• I could find a part time job and write on the side
• I could retrain at university - the issue is that there are 3 different degrees I find interesting - and yet I am afraid of choosing something that would tie me to the UK.

So I wonder what would be right for me & would give me that flexibility I crave? On the flip side, I worry about never putting roots somewhere & regretting that later on. While it isn't my no1 priority to find a husband and have kids, I am still open to it.

@Xiaoxiong I will also consider what you have said about a lateral role. It might be an option in the nearer future.

I have the exact same feeling. I need to choose a country to live in, and I am scared to make the wrong decision.
My family are all in one country that I dont really like - Ireland.
I have also lived in Spain, and I have also lived in other countries.
There are alot of things that I dont like about Ireland, but I dont like missing time with my family. I would like to be near them.
It is so hard to decide where to live! I honestly have been thinking about it for the last two years - and i am still worrying about it and unsure. It does feel like we have to "get it right" because it is very difficult to move country, and to move again if it is the wrong choice.

I read a good thing online where it said to meditate - and to really visualise each possible future choice, what you are doing , how happy you are. Eg imagine yourself moving to spain, and imagine yourself staying in the UK. Feel it out in your mind. The decision that feels happiest to you is the right choice for you

@Lizzie523 good idea getting Irish nationality as getting a visa for Spain is a nightmare. A friend of mine is experiencing that

I think you need to look at the source of your feelings. You mention an inheritance. Were the circumstances difficult/have unresolved thoughts or issues or guilt? You are still young. Moving will not improve things til you have moved on to a more positive outlook with how you feel within yourself.