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Living overseas

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Moved back home and struggling with friendships

4 replies

DrJamesSheppard · 21/03/2021 10:51

DH and I were abroad for 3.5 years and now we've moved back to our home country. We've been back for about 6 months now and I'm really struggling with friendships. While I was away, I tried my best to keep in touch with friends and stay up-to-date with what was going on with them. When we decided to move back, these friends were saying how excited they were and couldn't wait to spend time together. In the first month or so it was great - we got together and felt like it was really lovely. But since then, I've really struggled to get any kind of regular contact going. In fact, some of them made a lot more effort when I was overseas, but now I'm back they really don't seem to care!

Of course, I know people's lives move on and I can't expect things to be exactly the same as when I left. But I find it odd and quite sad that I managed to keep in touch with them a lot when I was away, only for it to fall down when I'm actually here. I keep trying to make plans to see each other or just exchange messages, but I'm getting very little back.

Anyone else experienced the same? Do I just accept they've moved on? These are friends I've had for most of my life and so I'll basically have to start from scratch if they aren't keen to be friends again Sad

OP posts:
Flittingaboutagain · 21/03/2021 11:00

I'm not sure where your home country is but in the UK I would say that the pandemic (and its unique impact on each of your friends) could be a large part of this problem since returning home. It takes time and energy and 'something in the tank' I suppose to be able to reconnect and I wouldn't personalise their lack of effort yet because of the pandemic.

DrJamesSheppard · 21/03/2021 11:06

In our home country things are very much business as usual (very minimal Covid cases and very few restrictions), so I don't think it's that, as much as I'd love to think so!

OP posts:
DrJamesSheppard · 22/03/2021 11:20

Anyone?

OP posts:
zafferana · 27/03/2021 15:36

Okay, I'll bite, since I've lived OS for nearly 10 years in total in three different countries so have some experience of this ...

If these really are lifelong friends I'd persevere, because people you went to school/uni with are hard to replace - unless of course they're outright rejecting you, as opposed to just being busy and a bit crap at keeping in touch. But I'd see if you can't connect with some new people too.

When we moved back from overseas the last time we moved to a new area, so that was tough, but getting involved with my kids' school, local sports club, starting a book group, joining a running group, going to regular exercise classes, etc helped me to meet some new people. Friendships come and go, particularly school gate ones that ebb and flow as kids join and leave and move on to new schools, but one or two might stick for the longer term.

It's hard when you've been away for a few years, because you expect to just pick back up where you left off, but those people you used to see regularly have got used to you not being around and they've filled that space that you used to occupy with other people. It's a shitty realisation, it really is, but you have to do the same Flowers

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