Should we move back to the UK?

[Ritz87]

I have no idea what to do, so I am looking for any opinions on this. Every time I think we make a decision we end up changing our mind.
We moved to Canada around 6 years ago. The first few years were great, but then things got tough which I think shaped our view of the country. I had 3 miscarriages before our first son was born, I had a whole host of other health problems diagnosed in this time, however they were dealt with very quickly as there are barely any waitlists here for healthcare (this is one bonus for Canada - I also work in Healthcare here and worked for the NHS back in the UK so feel I really can compare the two). I am currently 31 weeks pregnant with a very high risk pregnancy. I have been in and out of hospital and am on strict bedrest so we are really seeing how hard it can be to have literally no family around to help - this is a huge reason for wanting to move back to the UK, even though we are not particularly close with either family - they say they will help, but will they? It is tough never having date nights or ever getting a break (pre-covid).
Our lives here are pretty awesome, I can be a SAHM if I wish, pay is much much higher, our house is one we could only dream of in the UK, we can take multiple holidays a year, this is all great. There is so much space here, opportunities for the kids are amazing in terms of education, lifestyle etc. I am also scared of knowing how the UK is now, I saw a video from only a few weeks ago of a child being hideously bullied in a park, knowing there are children out there like that scares me. I get that bullying happens everywhere but it is not on the scale of what I saw. Is this a one off? Don't get me wrong, Canada has its issues, but you have so many choices you can easily move away from issues.
The other problem I have is family. I have always been the second best child, my mum has even told me that my sister is her favourite. But they still expect us to come back, they feel we owe them the chance to see their grandchildren grow up (mine are the only grandchildren on my parents side and will stay that way). Do I owe them it? How can I ensure a relationship if we are thousands of miles away? The other problem is I HATE having people in my house. My parents treat my house with no respect and we end up arguing every time they visit. I don't want them here. But they refuse to stay in a hotel.
We are also nervous if we don't move in time our oldest won't get in to a good school if we aren't in an area of the UK we want to be when registration opens up.
I have no idea what to do with where to live! It is the hardest decision I have ever had to make. Has anyone been in this situation before?
Sorry for the long post!

What are you confused about? You have a great life there and horrible family in the uk?

So stay put!

Life in the UK is appalling at the moment. Wouldn't recommend it at all atm.

Don't you have any friends who can babysit for you?

How stressful would it be moving internationally whilst pregnant? Or with a baby and young child?

The nhs is fucked thanks to boris with unprecedented waiting lists, our government lazy and incompetent. Our police forces are corrupt and misogynistic. Funding for everything is about to be slashed even further, house prices are enormous and pay is about to get frozen for five years for many.

You would be crazy to move back right now (maybe ever!)

It makes no sense to move back for family help when it doesn't sound like you'll get it. Concentrate on creating a network where you are.

If I could move to Canada tomorrow I would.
Your life sounds lovely, and I think it would be pinning a lot on family if you moved back with the expectation that they would help you. I personally would be very wary of making a move for an unquantified level of support.

The UK at the moment is pretty depressing. I try not to dwell on it but the unequal society, massive health inequalities and racist undertones in every day life are making me think twice about my long term future here.

Stay in Canada! I might move there now after reading your thread.

I'm not one of these that thinks the UK is shit and places like Canada and Australia are brilliant. I have 3 DCs in the UK and don't feel that bullying is an issue for my kids so the FB clip is saw is, IMO, not the societal norm.

But I'm seeing nothing in your post that would make me move back to the UK. Literally nothing.

I do think however that home is home and if you're struggling, it's sometimes nice to be in a familiar, childhood setting where you are not the foreigner with a weird accent and you fit in effortlessly with the culture and lifestyle. So I do get where you are coming from.

Your situation reminds me of an English couple I met briefly who moved back to my town from the US for family reasons. Their kids hated it and although they had the money to buy a gorgeous house etc, they lasted 6 months and went back.

I would definitely stay put in your situation.

Stay put for sure

From what you have written it doesn’t sound like the DGPs are likely to be that helpful. Don’t let fear/obligation/guilt panic you into a decision where you’ll be worse off. Give COVID, can you park the idea for 12 months and see how you feel. If you did need to move back midway through schooling to the U.K. it’s actually often easier to get a school place in a good school than in reception, so don’t stress too much about that. We moved across the country and found an outstanding primary in busy London. So it can be done.

They make us feel guilty for not coming back

If they are the sort to try and make you feel guilty for , far better to have them a good long way away.

Your current life sounds brilliant esp for your children.

As a former total people pleaser, I'd encourage you to get some help with your boundaries and self esteem. Enjoy xx

I like living in the UK and having lived abroad and travelled a bit, appreciate that most places have their pros and cons. Your life in Canada sounds lovely. I’d postpone any big decisions until your baby is older and the pandemic has gone. But even then PLEASE don’t move back in a misplaced bid to people please others. You and your DP and new baby come first now.

We are in the same boat- I am Canadian, DH is English and we moved to Canada 5 years ago. We have 2 young DC. We've been in an endless debate about whether to move back, but we have finally more or less decided to make the move at some point soon.

Our life on paper is great here, but I think the difference is that in our hearts we know the UK is the right place for our family. I think you know that Canada is the right place for you, but you're feeling family pressure. A friend recently said that I can't live my life for my parents and it clarified things for me. I'd encourage you to mull that over too.

(Where do you live though?? The 'no waiting lists in healthcare' certainly does not ring true for me!)

@Ritz87

I would not return to the UK in your circumstances. you have a lot going on and your family is just starting. Why go back if there is no guarantee there'll be close relatives to help out? I think it sounds like you are on much more solid ground in Canada.

We moved to the US from the UK when our kids were 2 and 1 year olds. And now they're 13 and 14 and all the hard things that you go through when they're tiny, honestly you're better off doing it in your own family unit without interference from the rest of the family, unless you're super close.

Stay. I came back to the UK after 12 years away from it. It is not the country you left. You will suffer from reverse culture shock. I really would wait a while and review.