Should I move to Australia from the U.K. for my son?

[Jbirds]

Hello,

So a brief background. We live in the U.K. and I’m thinking more and more about moving to Australia for a better quality of life for my son. Me and my partner lived there for a year in 2016/2017 and loved it but moved back for family as my parents are quite old. I’m glad I did as my father has been diagnosed with cancer and hasn’t got a good prognosis at all. I also have a son- 17 months old- and since having him I have been thinking about whether Australia would provide a better life for him. I am a teacher and my wonderful partner is a doctor, so we shouldn’t have an issue with visas. We previously moved to Adelaide and loved it, so would potentially move there again.

So, should I move back for my son? I would love to from anyone who has made the move for their child and if they think it has made a difference to their child’s life. I would also love to hear from anyone that had children in the private school systems there- how do they compare to British schools?

Any help or kind words would be most appreciated.

TIA

I would not hesitate moving back to Australia at all.

@grassisjeweled I cannot stop thinking about it. Did you live out there too? If so, where were you based/ would you recommend where you were?

It wasn’t Australia but my parents moved overseas with me when I was less than a year old. Although it was Europe, it was in 1970s so no mobile phones, no FaceTime, no Zoom, etc. we were lucky to get an airmail letter once a month from my grandparents. I saw my grand parents once a year. I didn’t see cousins for years. It was very isolating and I still feel like I don’t know my extended family members when we returned 6 years later.

Consider whether the things you loved about living in Australia as a childless couple are things that you will love with children and that your child will love. I left the UK 5 years ago yo love to the US (husband is from here). I always said that I wouldn’t have done that if I had children. I could never take them away from their grandparents or take the grandchildren away from my mother.

Not while your parents are alive. They need you now.

I have both friends and family that have done it for either Aus or NZ. On balance they are all happy with their decisions but it isn't always an easy move. Whilst people mention the climate, it is often blisteringly hot and wearing ....that is the word from family of mine that are born and bred Aussies!! Also they live in Western Australia and complain about the availability of some consumer goods compared with the East side.

However, a big plus is the quality of life...there doesn't seem to be the utter stress that some occupations experience in the U.K...a friend said the company Celt of getting up at 4 am to be prepping stuff for work was history from the Ma ent they landed in Aus.

The friends of mine in NZ are equally happy and prefer the warm. It more temperate climate there. Apparently you have to get used to 1960 style furnishings though!!!

With young kids I would do it. Despite having ill parents I think you have to look to the future

Yes I agree with you both @BritWifeinUSA and @HeddaGarbled. I am currently the sole carer for my father, so wouldn’t leave him. His cancer however is very rare and aggressive and his prognosis isn’t great.

Thank you @BritWifeinUSA for your insight. It’s greatly appreciated. X

Just as another view to Britwife I also grew up in a nuclear family a long way from any relatives abs it had no impact on me whatsoever. I still live there and from time to time when I do see my cousins I think it would be nice knowing them more but it's never been an issue. My DP has his massive extended family around where we live yet barely sees his cousins anyway. If I could turn back time I think I would go to Oz it looks amazing but my kids are too old to take them to another country now

I have a friend who moved there with a baby and a preteen, now 5 & 17. They are a very active family who have thrown themselves into their new community and the outdoor life and their pictures look amazing. They're certianly living a life that wouldn't be possible in UK.

However, she missed visiting her father during his final illness and because of Covid wasn't even able to return to support her mother after his death or to attend the funeral.

Thanks @Sunflowergirl1 that’s really useful. We moved last time to Adelaide which was surprising when we hit winter as it got down to 2C and I wasn’t expecting that but on the reverse I wasn’t prepared for 42C in summer haha. I also agree with the working conditions comment. As a teacher my hours were a lot less, pressure was a lot less, pay was double and the children were a lot happier on the whole. It’s such a difficult decision to make especially with my little boy in tow this time around and it isn’t a cheap decision either. Last time it cost us approx £10,000 to make the move (we did take our dog with us though). There are positives and negative to it, but I suppose it comes down to- do the positives outweigh the negatives?

@gottakeeponmovin thanks so much for your comments. I am close to my brother, sister and parents, but no other member of our family. We have cousins but never see them. My brother lives in NYC and he agrees that being far away from everyone hasn’t made a huge impact on his life. He says he misses people, but gets his fix when he travels back a few times a year then is happy to be off again. I certainly don’t want to live with any regrets, but also know the weight of the decision that I’m making. It’s a tough one.

@Toorapid parent illness- this is definitely a huge factor to take into account. At home, i am all my dad has as my brother lives in NYC, but my mum has my sister (not my dad’s daughter) to be there long term if she ever did get sick- heaven forbid. My dad would have been on his own and the thought really are me up. I never regretted going to Australia, but I certainly regret that we left there and often think about it. Especially now that I have my son.

Why do children have "a better life" in Australia? I keep hearing this. You can have an outdoor lifestyle here if you like. Many do.

If you moved back for family once, what would be different this time?

We lived in adelaide for 7 years. Came home with our young children for family mostly, I was hone sick too and honestly dont regret it for a moment. Better life for our young child here- move varied (in normal times!) Can go out whatever the weather. Always remember the stifling heat and deserted beaches and friends thinking we were mad for going outside in summer- it's all softplay and shopping malls in summer heat with little ones dont forget. Were more outdoorsy all year round now and also can easily go abroad in normal circumstances, and enjoy scouts, beavers, theatre clubs etc none available where we lived in oz. Friends in adelaide are jealous! Think very carefully. I miss the sea and coast but remember the temperatures and wet winters, spiders,snakes,sharks etc . I'm sure your dc will have a great life in either place.

@Mrsbrownsgargoyle I suppose it more the working hours that were appealing to us last time.

@TangerineGenie sadly my father is incredibly ill and his prognosis is less than a year, so that’s a huge factor in our decision and thought process about moving back as we predominantly came back for him. And wouldn’t consider returning if he wasn’t so ill as my son is his only grandchild. I wouldn’t leave him in his current condition as I am his sole carer so we are now looking towards the future.

Oh forgot to mention the sexism- sorry but Australia is a bit behind the times and lots of people never been out of Australia that insular view is tough and the sexism is still alive and well 😐
On a positive note teaching is easier- less planning and paperwork.

@Alwaysready thanks so much for the information. So much food for thought there.

Someone else mentioned this to me and I never experienced this when I was there. Perhaps I was super lucky.

We came home yearly 20 years ago for the gps- they’re all still here and enhance our lives and vice versa.
I did notice a that most recent expats when we were there didn’t have parents, were cold towards them or had parents who could spend extended times out there- young fit rich retirees. Those who had good relationships with parents who couldn’t travel easily came home.

Well, you're obviously not one of those Wanted: Down Under types who think it's all barbecues and beach days.

You've experienced once and want to return so you're in a good place to make a decision that's right for you. My only thought is whether the extreme pressure you're under now is colouring your decision? I'm sadly in a similar position with my husband at the moment and I must admit there's a huge yearning to get far, far away as soon as it's feasible.

I wouldn't worry about making a decision now as its not an immediate issue - although I understand it might be a much need distraction. Do take care of yourself.

I’d go for a year or two to see how you go .otherwise it will always be an unscratched itch . Climate change is very dramatic there , the weather is brutal and I’d worry about water supply . My dads family live there and whilst I love visiting, it’s like a return to the 60s , and im generally pleased to come back to the uk .

A relative of mine emigrated 3 times to WA and returned each time because of their struggle between their family and the lifestyle there. They ended up returning to the U.K. permanently as family one for them.

I know you sad your dad is very poorly and doesn’t have much time left. What about your Mum? You mention that she’s elderly. What happens when she becomes ill, won’t you have the same pull to return?

The only really successful emigration I’ve seen is a good friend of mine who moved that way and her sibling subsequently joined her, as did her parents. So she really had it all and is so very happy. She had initially emigrated and returned home because of her family but did eventually return with them all in tow!

Thank you so much for everyone’s replies. I too do worry that my father’s condition had caused the push forward to move back, so I have told my partner that we would have to carefully consider and wait for the dust to settle before making a choice. We have also planned to go back to visit friends. My wonderful partner is completely behind whatever I want to do as he lived in Australia and didn’t want to leave the first time around.

There was a similar discussion recently www.mumsnet.com/Talk/living_overseas/4120707-Moving-back-to-Australia-should-we

I am from Monaco, so don't really see an increase in quality of life, more the restriction of living far far far from everything. Life here is simple but a bit empty. My children can't wait to move back to Europe. And since the covid closed the borders and nobody can leave, they talk every single day about our next trip.

What do you think you will get from moving here that you can't get in UK? This said, I really like Adelaide, far more than Melbourne, but the water is so so so cold, even when it is 40 degrees, so you can't really enjoy the sea as much as you can in Sydney.

we are in Aus and have been for quite a lot of years. Our teens were born here.

we are seriously thinking about moving back to UK. Kids love the idea.
Covid has made us feel really isolated (maybe no international flights for another year) and the states keep slamming borders closed so we feel less Australian and more like a collection of small countries with no power.

And everyone talks about the weather. It is either stupidly hot where you do nothing but stay indoors, hot and windy which is an awful combination, and I am incredibly aware of melanoma (very fair skinned).
My teens do have a fair degree of freedom- taking buses and trains around with their mates, but I am not sure that is enough.
My kids are mixed race and have had a fair amount of racism- particularly from Lebanese boys.
Finally meth is a HUGE problem. It causes huge antisocial problems and violent nasty crimes which are reported only very locally, unless you go searching for them.

Still everyone likes something different- there is good and bad in every country. Crime and anti social problems everywhere.
However do not move for the weather!