Returning to england

[Welikebeingcosy]

To cut a long story short I travelled a lot and returned to the UK with my daughter in 2019 after splitting from her dad. Obviously the pandemic hasn't helped but I'm struggling massively to settle here with her. Lots of time I have returned from travelling and not been happy here to head off again to somewhere which does make my heart sing but because of my little one I coming to terms with the fact that it isn't something I can do for a while now.

I wonder what other people have found has helped them to be happy and settle here. Whether or not you had travelled somewhere else or just love living here in general.

I'm still overseas (HK) but have a lot of friends who moved back to UK last summer or since. They have all, without exception, found it really hard to settle back in (even people who moved back close to family and friends), because it's virtually impossible to meet people with social distancing/ no proper school/ wfh etc. So I think that's normal.

I think there's also the tendency to have grass is always greener thoughts about lockdown. So HK has been prolonged but not as strict- so my friends in UK are like "Omg, you can go to a restaurant" and I'm like "yes, but you have schools open and you're allowed on the beach" . So I think that also doesn't help, because you imagine the other place isn't as bad.

On being a perpetual traveller, I'll share one of the best things I read on MN (thanks Bonsoir, whoever you are now!) which is that short term expats/ residents are happy because they don't really have to properly engage with the place they live in. Things that affect citizens don't affect you to the same extent, so it's not that the other places are better, but that your perspective is different because whatever the annoyances are, they're temporary and not your problem to solve. Things about HK that drive me nuts after 12 years were kind of novel and exciting at the start but the trade-off has been a much deeper engagement with where I live.

I really like that input but I haven't had that experience of not engaging with the country or countries I was living with. I probably dealt with the USA system more than I've had to deal with the UK system if I'm honest.

If I can add something as someone in the UK who perhaps isn't here as their first choice (as much as I appreciate the many wonderful things about the UK, and so many lovely people, there's a reason why a flightless bird is the symbol of the Kiwis, lol), sometimes the only way is through. As in, making your mind up, that this is it for now, and to make the best, and help your daughter make the best of where you are at right now.

We try to focus on the positives (they are there), help our girls focus on the positives, allow them to have a bloody good vent (and us) at home, but remind them that it's impolite to do that with those who this is very much their beloved home, and it will only end in tears,.

The positives range from the amusingly small - M&S gluten free flour is a revelation, as is the free from range, Itsu is to die for, and you can dress in a way that would possibly get the police called, or at the very least, the concerned busybodies association getting in touch with the school, in NZ. To the large - the history is amazing, I'm sorry, I know there are a lot of issues with education over here, but the education our girls have had is far superior to what they would have received in NZ, and they've been challenged and engaged over here while over there they coasted. The teachers, contrary to their mutterings, have been amazing.

Find a friend or family member with similar experiences that you can vent with. And remember, this too shall pass. The world will still be there when your daughter find's her wings, and you can rediscover yours.

@mbosnz thanks that is really so sweet. Yeah that is really what I try to do the most and it is usually those little things like the wide choice of food and the economy that I focus on. I'm sure my daughter will love living here as she won't remember Florida where she was born. What made you move back here if you don't mind me asking?

DH's job, lol. He's terribly grateful that I don't hurl this at his head - but we made the decision together, made on the information we had at the time. Have to say, terribly shortsighted, didn't see pandemic coming, but there you go. . .

She's not a bad little country, she's going through hard times. There's so much to be proud of, so much to celebrate. Most of the people are great - apart from the bastards in charge, that is. . . they're funny, kind, witty, and good humoured - often in a very cynical way that is very conducive to the times we live in! And the ready meals are greeaaaaat!