A support thread for those returning from overseas

[Canihaveafairygodmotherpls]

I thought it might be nice to create a thread for those of us returning from overseas - especially during this time.

Making the decision to return has been really hard and I imagine I might not be alone. I keep wondering if we might change our decision but in my heart feel it is right. We will be saying goodbye to warm weather, schooling style we like and dreams of a new lifestyle which never quite came to fruition. This year in particular was our chance to really see if we wanted to remain here long term before our eldest reached secondary age. However life has been indoors only so that didn't work out! Covid numbers are frighteningly high where we are, although I realise it is unpredictable everywhere...

We pros in returning are friends, a stability (which was out of reach for a while longer here,) me having the freedom to work and raising our DC in our home country (which lessens the chance of our family being split across continents in the future.)

Would be nice to have a mutual support thread for those of us in the same boat.

I returned in Feb this year and dh two weeks ago. We had been overseas for 25 years with the last 12 in China. We are also looking for stability as prior to dh leaving we had been split across continents for 6 months.

Sorry it's taken me she's going respond to this! How are you feeling since bring back, have you all reintegrated ok?

We've made the decision to return but Covid has complicated our timing. I think we'll need to sit tight here a while longer before returning. I'm trying my best not to feel like we are treading water and trying to create things for us to do and see (within the limits) while we are still here.

It’s difficult to integrate when so many ways to meet people are not currently possible. However, I am just relived that we are all finally in the same country. I am sure it will get easier when dd starts at her new school in September, assuming children will be back on campus. Dd has only had three weeks on campus since December 13th.

Lol it’s YOUR thread @Canihaveafairygodmotherpls !!!

I hadn’t opened it until now...but on the train with you!

Do you have any idea when you’ll be heading back?

Ha, ha, yes I started it up but it appears not so many people are in a flap about their return unlike us! I'm not sure where to reply to you from 😂

Sorry pressed send by mistake! We could have the house we are in until spring but there's a part of me which feels if we are going then let's get on with it. So possibility within the next three months!

Wow that would be so soon! I do wish we could just get our shit together and go now ready for U.K. school starting but have to wait for naturalisation and also I think better to move when the U.K. is heading into good weather rather than bad - it’s going to be the biggest shock for our lot!!! Remind me where you are?

We are westside like you. Those beaches are definitely going to be hard to say goodbye to! Rightmove searches with the grey rainy windows make me wonder what the heck we are doing at times! But the comfort of home, old friendships and ability for me to fulfil my work feel worth it. We will always have a connection here and I hope we will be visiting in the future. My DH job means we won't leave here too soon as covid has meant delays that will keep us here at least 3/4 months.

There are many pieces of the puzzle to put together and I'm finding covid is adding an extra layer of consideration on where to live- city v rural. I'm learning that there will be no perfect answer to all this. I've actually found another thread so helpful in all this. The one called "if you live your life, tell me why..." it really helps me focus on what's most important.

• love your life not live!

I’m not sure whether to leave where we are. It’s hard work moving. DH might head to a 3rd country and said oh just move back to England. I’m not from there and even though my brother lives south of London and my in-laws up north where we lived a short while, I don’t really have anyone there, and I wouldn’t move back up north. I figured I’d say where I was for a year until things settle with Covid, but I’m unsure about it all.

He’d bigger off to his new job and leave me to it. It’s been difficult where we live and we’ve never had quite enough money to have holidays and such. He’s now on 1/2 pay so need to find something else fast.

@HerRoyalNotness that sounds really hard - is he basically saying he’s going to do what he wants and doesn’t care where you go or live?

I’m currently in a panic that naturalisation is going to take years and I’ll be stuck. I actually wish I could go back now and just enroll the kids in school and start the ball rolling. I don’t really want to wait another year especially under covid conditions

@IJumpedAboardAPirateShip. He’s just very casual and doesn’t think things through. We might be able to go with him, depends on conditions, but I need to work as well so may be best to go to England or other. I’ve applied for a job down south there

Sorry I've been a bit absent on this thread! The week has been dominated by all of our up and down feelings around our move. I'm actually feeling quite a bit better about it today. I am beginning to look forward to lots of things and accepting that leaving here will come with feelings of loss and wish we have been able to do this/that before we left. But it is what it is...

HerRoyalNotness that sounds like a really tough situation. Will you have a friend to support you in the UK?

IJumpedAboardAPirateShip- I know there is a green card backlog, might be worth finding out if naturalisation is the same?

@Canihaveafairygodmotherpls from the other expat boards I’m on it seems like there are huge discrepancies area to area so for now we know we’ll stay to march to get DH’s bonus and by then at least our application wait time should be up to date so we’ll go from there. But generally it seems like UCSIS is not as delayed for naturalisation

That sounds hopeful then and the bonus sounds well worth the wait. I always thought that naturalisation meant needing to pay tax both in the UK & US but I've little knowledge so may well have this wrong. It's good you have March as a first marking point. I think it's hard once the decision has been made to return, as there much temptation to start getting things into action, especially during this time when there is so little of normal life going on.

Being a GC holder and a citizen mean you have to file taxes in the US no matter where you are. You don’t necessarily pay taxes, totally depends how much you earn and how much tax you’ve already paid in your resident country and what the tax agreement is between the two countries. We would have paid to keep our green cards open for 2 years anyway if we hadn’t done the naturalisation and you’re subject to all the same rules but it’s hard to then renew it and then you lose any kind of visa status. For us, we didn’t have to pay for our visas or green cards so it felt like looking a gift horse in the mouth to let it lapse especially now it’s even harder to get into the country. I guess I’m also seeing it as long term opportunities for DC, who knows what the world will look like in 10-20-30years time and now they’ve lost the chance to live and work in the EU it seems silly to lose another opportunity.

I am DESPERATE to get things moving but DH has admitted he feels a huge amount of anxiety around it still, he has agreed but he’s not suddenly over the moon about it so he’s asked that maybe we just don’t discuss it properly for another few months.

We’ve agreed to get things done like sort out our garage of crap, get all the little jobs finished in the house, and if we make it over to the U.K. in November we’ll take some day trips for reccies on areas we could potentially move to.

This is turn does make me anxious but I get that things like houses on the market now won’t be available next summer so no point in looking really, we’ve decided not to tell anyone yet but I think around Christmas we’ll let our families and DC know. I generally feel very anxious that it’s going to be taken away from me.....

Gosh I can imagine, it must really really anxiety inducing hearing both your DH feelings about it and that you have such a wait. It's good he's being honest with you but it must be hard to hear. Its funny because I'm having real panic about returning today. I spoke to a friend who shared her deep dread of a potential covid lockdown in the winter and reflected on how much it's helped us having dry, warm weather during all of this. I'm also so worried that my romanticised idea of returning is not going to live up to what I hope for in my head, especially as I don't have a real sense of belonging anywhere in particular in the UK.

It might change the dynamic for you once your dc and families hear about your move. Maybe that will help support your DH in feeling more positive about it...