Living abroad and parents not visiting?

[MonikaKralik]

Hello all,

Together with my husband, we have been living in the UK for over 9 years now. We have moved from Slovakia, Europe as we wished to complete our studies abroad and work somewhere more lucrative. All our parents were against this idea and some hards words got said at the time should we not listen to their advice and move out.
In the past 9 years, my parents came only once. That was over 7 years ago after 2 years of daily begging.
Slovakia is only 2 hours away by plane and my parents have both the time and the money to travel. Despite having the means, they do not come often stating 'i wish you lived somewhere more exotic'. My parents go on holidays multiple times of the year, to Maldives, Mauritius, Dubai, Italy, etc and are not scared of flying nor of new cultures.
I have been inviting my parents to come over for years with no outcome. They ignore the topic and say 'we will see...' or 'you live too far away'
We have offered my parents to come over for a holiday to Scotland as my father loves whiskey and wanted to pay for the whole trip including flying tickets, accommodation, all the activities, car hire, etc. When I proposed this to my parents instead of excitement I got told 'you always have some crazy ideas' and 'they do not want to go as one of their kids (my sister, 14 years old) cannot be left at home with my 25 years old brother or other family members i.e. grandparents for 3 days'.
This all makes me sad!
We are now planning to buy our first ever house and have kids.
I am dreading the moment when we announce this as my parents will be so upset! this is to be a happy moment, time to celebrate! I am not sure how to speak to my parents, we call almost daily via Whatsapp and we visit multiple times a year (the last year 2019 we went 6 times!). We both work so our holiday days are limited yet we always make time to visit. My mum is a stay at home mum and my dad has his own company. they have much more time (and resources) yet they do not seem to be interested in our life abroad (not to mention they do not even ask how are we, what we do, what our plans are)
How would you overcome this?
I got enough of feeling guilty for being happy and doing my best to secure a better future for me, my husband, and our family.

My PiL visited once in the 5 years we were abroad. And told us bluntly after that visit they wouldnt be back, they didnt like the place (ok, it's not on anyones holiday destination list, but their grandkids and son lived there).
Its them that lose out. My kids have a much closer relationship with my parents who visited most years.
I'd also reduce the visits home. Use some of your holiday to actually go on holiday. And start that now, before the kids arrive.
Basically, you cant force them to visit, so you just have to accept it, and get on with your life. It sucks.

Fuck that. Change things now. Maybe they don't visit because they don't like the place, or maybe because they know you will always go back.

Put aside a decent length holiday just for you and DH each year. This will be even more important when there are kids in the mix, especially if you are both working. You need a time set aside to enjoy each other as a family.

Break traditions before Dc come along.

Why do they have to visit you? Could you not meet up in Italy or wherever for your holidays. Hint: separate accommodation!

Stop asking them. Next time they refuse, tell them they know where you are and to let you know if they decide they want to visit and you will let them know if it's convenient/ can discuss dates. Asking them daily is a bit ridiculous.

I think you need to step back. My in-laws are similar. We moved to Central Europe from UK.
They have rarely visited. We have two Dc. Used to visit a lot. Now I please myself more as it was not reciprocated.
It made DH very sad and as a couple you have to adjust to the idea that you are doing it alone and that visits back etc will not be reciprocated. And more hurtful too that they don’t want to see you. Sadly that is their choice.
In all truth some sessions with a therapist for the two of us as a couple might have helped to come to terms with it.
But it’s better to try to adjust because otherwise they are quite happy living their lives and you are deperatly try to please them. It’s not a healthy cycle for you.
Build your life, contact them weekly and see what comes. Don’t visit for at least 6 months.
I now have zero expectations of in-laws and so does DH. I’m fond of them. They love the DC . But when they say they are going to visit I make approving noises and forget about it until they have actually booked their tickets. It’s less painful that way

Perhaps it doesn't matter where you live...sadly they just might not want to visit you. My parents lived 5 mins away from my sister, 45 mins from me and 4 hours from my brother. They saw my sister all the time, and my brother at least 4 times a year. They used to pass within 3 miles of my house as they went to my brothers. They hardly ever came to see me.
We are nc now...and I'm so much happier.