Getting over fear of speaking

[llamageddon]

Hi all,

Recently moved to a European country where English isn’t the default for signs/people speaking etc.

I’m having language lessons and my teacher has told us to find 5 native speakers and start a basic conversation - their name/age etc. to get us talking.

I can’t! I just have an overwhelming fear they’ll laugh at me, not want to talk, won’t understand because of my bad pronunciation and so on.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? How do you get over the embarrassment of speaking in a second language?

Thanks :)

I have the same fear (about being laughed at) and I’m in an English-speaking country! I am always asking my husband to “do the talking” when we go to a restaurant or out shopping or if I need to make a phone call to a company. My fear comes from one occasion where someone said she couldn’t understand me and made me repeat something over and over again and then acted as if she was correcting me “oh you mean xxxx, I thought you were saying zzzz”.

Are foreigners often viewed negatively where you are? Do you have family who live there? They wouldn’t laugh at you, surely?

I understand how you’re feeling, would it help to think about all the times someone whose first language isn’t English tried to communicate with you. How do you feel? Do you want to try and help them and understand them, or do you laugh at them?

I understand how you feel but most people will be delighted that you are learning the local language and fall over themselves to help out.

I would just give it a shot - when I learned languages ( many years ago ) we were all jus told t to to try. Most people appreciate making an effort in their language. I think the main thing is getting over being nervous in a different language. Honestly I think most people don't mind if you get some vocabulary or grammar wrong. It might even lead you to have a joke or a laugh.

Learn " I am sorry , I am not fluent" in the language & they will know you are trying and you can say that to let them to know you are trying - most normal people will appreciate the effort

I just downloaded the tandem app. It's a new online chat room for languages tandems. There are far too many men on there and some of the women look like they're soliciting for cam work, but I've made a couple of positive connections. You can ghost anyone who you've embarrassed yourself in front of!

Otherwise, there is conversation exchange which again has too many men, but is more geared to meeting people. I'm very cautiously meeting people from that and from the expats facebook group in my city.

It's much easier if you're in a country that's not really bilingual (e.g. Spain vs NL) because they won't be super confident either. I'm having to do it because I think my career is dead so I need something to show from this posting!

I arrived in Latin America with no Spanish and discovered very quickly that actually despite what we had been told everyone didn't speak English.
It was really hard at first, I wrote out little scripts before I called people and wanted to cry if they said something I hadn't expected!
But it gets so much easier.
I started ordering by coffees, the baristas would chat to me and correct my Spanish.
Then I talked to checkout ladies and teachers at the school.
Then I got bilingual friends to talk to me in Spanish.
People were super supportive of the effort and although I felt like a plum I kept going.

In my times abroad, I've actually found people were very willing to engage if they could see I was making an effort, even when I was butchering their language. And the more I spoke, the more confidence I gained. It's really hard to do it the first time, but the only way you will stop being anxious is if you just take that first leap.

It takes time. I was in Italy for a good 2 years before feeling really confident. Others are right, too, and it's what I tell my students- you just have to throw yourself over the edge. You learn to speak by speaking, you learn to not make mistakes by making mistakes.
Good luck!

You have to take a leap. You WILL make mistakes. In the beginning I would recommend setting goals like saying hello to people. Very small goals. Increase them but with the caveat that you DO NOT need to look for accuracy. You only need to be understood.

Also think of including things like aiming to only have to repeat yourself three times to be understood, then after a while, two times.

Once you are being understood, ONLY THEN start worrying about conjugating verbs properly or gendering nouns correctly etc. If you are learning to read and write you will be learning correct grammar. It's harder to speak correct grammar at first so don't try!! You don't need perfectly correct grammar to be understood!

And expect that you'll have people laughing - I told my FIL he had a fat arse rather than a large neck. These things happen. It's not the end if the world and the more you do it, the less you'll do it!!

But if you don't make that leap into the unknown it's absolutely certain you'll never be able to speak the language.

I found the best approach was to memorise certain phrases:

"I apologise. My [language] is very bad."

"I am learning to speak [language]. Please excuse my mistakes."

"I'm sorry. I don't know the word for this."

"Thank you. You have been very kind."

By apologising for myself all the time I found people were really helpful and cheerful, often finding my terrible language skills hilarious. I'm quite a confident speaker now!

Another tip - read the local newspaper even if you can't understand a word of it. It's really helpful in showing how the language is put together and the spelling/pronunciation of words.

Ideally find people to talk to who don't speak English. Many people think "everyone" speaks English but it isn't anywhere close to true even where everyone has done a minimum of six years of English at school.

You need to be away from tourist and international areas.

Do you have preschool children? Join a little local toddlers group as well as an English speaking one

Go to little neighborhood shops outside the tourist and central business districts.

If you're really struggling ask if you can volunteer half an hour per day to sit and chat to residents in an old people's home.

It's embarrassing speaking a language you're only learning to someone confident speaking English, but far easier if they don't speak English or their English is so rusty they're embarrassed to use it.

I agree with what everyone has said.

I am an ESL teacher and I am currently learning another language myself.
If your aim is spoken fluency you really do have to bite the bullet and speak to people. As others have said, learn those keys phrases. People usually appreciate the efforts you go to. It will come remarkably quickly if you can find someone to chat with.
Try watching local tv or radio to get the feel for the rhythm of the language

Thanks to everyone who has replied, I definitely just need to get over the fear and go for it! It’s good to know others have felt the same even after years.

@BritWifeinUSA - no family, I’ve come over by myself. Foreigners aren’t viewed negatively, but as I’m in a fairly small town I do feel like I’m trying to infiltrate somewhat!

@noloh1 - this is exactly what I keep saying to myself.. I’ve never judged someone speaking English/laughed etc.. so why do I think people would do it to me!

Thanks again all :)

Find some teenagers! They'll want to speak English with you and in exchange you can practice the local language with them.
Could you volunteer for a few hours a week at a school or club?

Years ago in my early 20s I lived in France. My written French and understanding of the language were perfectly fluent, but I just really struggled to speak myself. I was/am very shy and it didn't come naturally to me.

I shared a flat with a random bloke from Essex. He spoke French with a terrible accent and couldn't write it to save his life, but after a few weeks his level far surpassed mine because he just didn't give a shit. He'd just wade in and start talking and not really care if he made mistakes.

I actually learned a lot from watching him and realised how much of my own inability to speak came purely and simply from being so reluctant. It's a catch 22.

It depends on the situation but i think where a short conversation is guaranteed (ordering at coffee shop) is a good place to start just to get over the first hurdle. Then kind of strangely, if I talk to the same person over and over like a work colleague I would just drop in a word or phrase
that you say often, in my case a word or phrase that is related to our work and is said frequently like 'pass X please'. the person gets used to you switching a lot and I just increase the number of words in the new language untill its most the time. Good luck! its fun, soon you'll be dreaming in your new language, it's awesome.