Super homesick

[ploughingthrough]

I know no one can really help me but it's just a sounding board really amongst others who live overseas. I've been living in Singapore for almost 4 months and this isn't the first time I've lived overseas. I'm with my husband and 2 children as we've both taken jobs which are paying us well. We plan to return after 2 years with a large sum of money as we are saving a while salary per month - this is to buy our forever home in the catchment is good secondary school for our DC. My kids are having a lovely time, my job is okay mostly and I appreciate the good things about SG but I'm so awfully homesick it's making me miserable. I miss my mum, my friends, the UK in general. I miss my kids seeing our parents and I hate the big time difference . I think I most miss being part of a community - it's so transient here.
I really do know why I'm here and I'm trying to keep it in mind - I've come for a reason and there are a lot of positives here. Our future life will be so much easier just by having this stint here and we are lucky in many ways. Any tips to combat the homesickness so I don't feel like I'm counting down?! I have had depression in the past when I was much younger and I don't really want to go there again. I think the problem is that my DH is feeling very similar so we're not being brilliant at geeing each other on.

Hi, saw your post and just wanted to say I'm sorry you're feeling so low right now. Having lived abroad myself, and experiencing this kind of homesickness, I understand how wrenching it is.

Never been to Singapore. What's it like there? What do you and your husband and children do when you're not at work? Have you met any other expats?

I read that 'sacrifice' means giving up something you love now for something you'll be glad you did later. Or something like that. I think your goals are admirable and the fact that you are sacrificing time with your Mum and friends, and home, reflects your commitment and dedication as a parent to provide the best possible future that you can for your family.

Do you keep a journal? If not, I encourage you to try it. Write as if writing to a friend...or your Mum, even. It can help make you feel closer if you can feel that you can 'talk' at any time.

Do you use Skype or Snapchat or similar? I appreciate the time difference but maybe Mum or a friend won't mind staying up late or getting up specially early just once a week or so, so that you can connect with home?

I know its really difficult and when I lived abroad I had no one around me to do anything with, and sadly that didn't change the whole time I was there, so I do know how isolating it feels.

Consider a 'checking in' thread here, too! I'm sure there are lots of people who are up at all hours and wouldn't mind 'chatting' if you pop in. Like me

Sending you hugs

Thanks so much for replying. Singapore is a great city, clean and safe but it's humid and small so it's not long before you feel pretty desperate to get out for a while!. There is a large expat community. Great for young children as swimming is possible pretty much every day. Since we arrived we have had the chance to take our kids on 2 fantastic holidays in the region with another planned for Xmas.
They are attending an international school where I am working and they have the wonderful opportunity to be part of small classes and learn Chinese every day.
I know everything about being here is positive but I am a home bird and I find it really hard. I was bought up in 1 small, poor seaside town where I knew everyone and I never thought I'd leave there, let alone go to uni, become a teacher and end up abroad with all these wealthy expats!!! I think partly I don't fit into the wealthy lifestyle that exists here - not into coffee mornings and nails - I'm here to work!

We should be able to upgrade our house to a larger home in an area with better schools and give them a real chance at a good education.

If it was just me and DH we would probably have turned around by now (!) But we're not really doing it for us and we are really grateful to be able to explore the region and earn good money. Thanks for listening to me!

Sorry I meant this IS the first time I've lived overseas in my first post !

We are doing something similar in Australia and plan to go back home in a couple of years to buy our home. I'm also incredibly home sick. I have found making smaller, shorter term goals has helped. So that I can focus on those while waiting the few years out. Then it doesn't feel like you are just waiting to go home. For example you could really explore Singapore or surrounding countries and take advantage of being in the centre of Asia. Or a professional/ academic goal.
I also try and FaceTime family very regularly so they don't feel so far away. Can any of your family come out to visit ?

@nameisnotimportant I'm sorry you feel homesick too. Where in Australia do you stay? How long have you been there already?
Short term goals is a good plan I should do more of that instead of desperately hoping for June when I can spend a month in the UK.
I feel silly really as I know for some people this whole experience is a dream come true. And to some extent I am having a good time. Asia is awesome and travel from Singapore is cheap but most of the time it's day to day life, just with less friends and family!

My mum has been out already and plans to come again. She has never left England before she visited in September and it was a big deal for her but she enjoyed her stay. I was so sad when she left and so was my DD I felt terrible then. My MIL plans to come in March which will be nice.

We are in Sydney and have been here for 7 years. I really miss the family day to day life too, especially when everyone is together for birthdays or celebrations. I just keep reminding myself that our life will be so much better if we stick out another few years here.

It's so lovely having people visit but it's so sad having to say goodbye, especially when you have got used to them being around.

7 years wow you've done amazingly. It's so hard to say goodbye I can't bear it.
I know my mum finds it hard us being away. She's not really educated and this whole thing is incomprehensible to her but she's being very supportive

Maybe try to break it down into chunks of time and what that will 'buy' in terms of a better house. Already you might have saved enough to be able to get an extra bedroom for example or a loft conversion. It probably doesn't feel like it but two years is a very short amount of time in the grand scheme of things and your children are enjoying it and becoming linguists.

Focus on trying to make friends - any other ex pat teachers with more 'normal' lifestyles? Mum friends? Hopefully you'll get used to the humidity (I hate humidity I must admit - I find it completely energy sapping). Singapore is a lovely place and you'll look back on these times with fondness from your new house when you return.

Yeah humidity sucks!
I've made some friends at work - they are really nice women also British but I have to force myself to go out as I feel so miserable. I do though and I'll keep going. We have already saved quite a bit - we are very lucky and at the moment we're sending it back to aggressively pay down our mortgage. It means we will be able to make affordable payments on a much bigger home . Our home is South East - very expensive sadly. I need to spend a bit less time on Rightmove it's still ages away!

Just wanted to say, first of all, you're doing really well and it sounds like you're being brave and getting on with it, which is probably why your children have adjusted so smoothly. It's definitely okay and normal to be homesick, and it always helps me to remember that it goes in waves (like culture shock, sort of ups and downs over a 12 month period) and ... basically, it will past and I'm sending you hugs from China and lots of good wishes!