Ugh I want to move overseas. Come talk some sense into me

[iwanttomoooove]

I really want to move abroad. Always have but never took the leap. I want my children to be bilingual and have a better quality of life. I don’t just want to stay in my home town until I die. I also want to move to an EU country as I liked being a part of the EU.

I can’t get the idea out of my head.

I’m retraining to be an accountant, my DH works in financial services. I was thinking of moving once I’ve qualified.

But is this even realistic? I won’t have a job I could transfer to so would have to apply directly. It would mean the DCs would need to move country but it would be before they start school.

What do you think?

You don't need to go to Australia to feel at home - sometimes just moving to another place in your own country is enough

I have lived all over the UK and nothing feels like home.

But the moment I arrived in a particular town in the US. A town at the time which wasn’t great. It had a terrible crime and murder rate and was a bit run down and seedy. But for me it has always been home.

I can’t explain it.

It’s easy to fly from Canada to the UK but the flights are really expensive!

To those of you who have moved, can I just ask was that because of work, your partners work or another reason?

Led my DH's work, but after a short time of funemployment I ended up working for my previous UK employer and still am 8 years later so it worked out well. We've lived in the same city (Asia) for 10 years but don't consider it permanent. Imagine we'll probably move back in 3 years. It's a good city to have little kids but a bad city to have pre-teens/teenagers IMO. Some Brits are super long termers (20 years+) but typically either (1) they were born here or (2) they married locals. Most expats are 3-5 years so friendships are something of a revolving door. I have some local friends through work and the gym but hard to extend the friendships beyond those environments. The cultural differences shouldn't be underestimated and often are.

To those of you who have moved, can I just ask was that because of work, your partners work or another reason?
I moved straight after university initially just for fun for a couple of years but I found a job I liked and then a man I liked so I stayed! Language is key though. If you really want to do it, pick a country and start learning the language!

An interesting thread. We live in Germany (moved for husband's job) and are happy here. But...I think that, until you've actually done it, it's impossible to imagine quite how isolating it can be to move to another country, especially one where you don't speak the language fluently.
There's something amazing about being at home, being a local, fitting in without trying. You don't realise this until you're an outsider.
I so agree with this. And I have lived in places in the UK where I've not felt that I fitted in, so I do know what that feels like. But, this is something quite different. It's a much deeper feeling and it's hard to even put my finger on exactly what it is. But, when you're not from a country, there is definitely an aspect of just not quite 'getting' small aspects of culture that does make you feel like an outsider in a way that you never would in your home country.

But, when you're not from a country, there is definitely an aspect of just not quite 'getting' small aspects of culture that does make you feel like an outsider in a way that you never would in your home country

I was born in the UK but my family are immigrants from all over the world. There is probably some genetic reason I cannot settle.

I dont feel at home here (I have lived all over the UK)
I have a couple of friends who I have known for about 5-6 years but I wouldn’t say they are friends that will not fall by the wayside at some point. I have a lot of acquaintances.

If I decided to move tomorrow with my immediate family no one would miss me and I wouldn’t miss any aspect of British life

Just because you are born in a certain area doesn’t mean you feel even remotely at home there or you fit in there.

I was born in a certain area of the UK. I don’t belong there. Even as a child I knew I wouldn’t stay there. All I wanted to do was to leave.

We would have left sooner if it weren’t for Dp who for years resisted moving abroad.

Only now when it is too late for him (cancer) does he get what I have been telling him for years.

The feeling of 'home' is an odd one. People ask me about it all the time and I don't really think it particularly exists for me - but then, I think that is a consequence of moving around a lot - nowhere really feels like home. And I don't especially miss British life or individual people either (I love seeing them for a visit, but snap prettily easily back into my life here). But the feeling I'm talking about is something beyond all of that. It's really hard to pinpoint what it is, but I think it's just not having the same innate understanding of culture and how things work.

I would have felt exactly the same TheHoundsofLove if I hadn’t visited a particular town in the US in the 80s

It might have been a bit of a dump but it immediately felt like this was the place for me. This was home.

Still feel the same way 40 years later.

I wish I could feel that way about a place in the UK or in a country that wasn’t so far away.

Whilst Europe is nice for holidays, moving to a place in Italy/France or Spain etc full time would be just the same as moving to a place in the UK.
It would only be temporary. It wouldn’t be home.

The feeling of 'home' is an odd one. People ask me about it all the time and I don't really think it particularly exists for me.

I think it can shift as well. I absolutely loved London. Lived there 12 years. When I left for Asia I was sure we'd move back and I'd grow old there, die and ,my soul would haunt the south bank. Now when I go there and I've totally lost the feeling. I still enjoy being back there , look forward to going and find it a fun city but I don't have any sense of belonging at all. Conversely I now have a strong sense of belonging to DH's home town (more so than him) which I used to be so dismissive of . Age? who knows?

I've moved abroad a number of times just because I felt like giving it a try and trying out life in a different country. Only twice did I move with jobs lined up and I never moved with long term accommodation set up. But this was all before having children so I think I had it easy, with children in tow I imagine it would require a lot more planning. Have you thought about getting a job in a big international company in the UK who might be able to offer you a transfer to their foreign offices after a few years working for them? If you aren't decided where to go or aren't sure what day to day life would be like once you get there you could co sider house swapping or house sitting for a couple of weeks in a desired location so you can get a bit of an idea of what life is like there before you make a definite decision.

I will be back in the UK in just under a fortnight, and am dealing with the last bits of admin in Belgium. Postal redirection...have to provide ID cards for everyone who is on the redirection. Closed ds's bank account today - queries about his residence for tax - no income, so no tax due either here or the UK. Have had to provide cash for when we send back the car number plates (after they are back on UK plates).

Went to the Gemeente to see about handing in ID cards and getting a statement about good conduct whilst here...questions in Flemish about why I needed one. Trying to explain DBS checks in Flemish is challenging.

It all becomes niggly after a while, and I am looking forward to being back in the UK, where I just get what's happening.

We have lived in two different countries. I don’t feel that things are ‘same shit different country’ although of course life is frustrating at times. But overall, I love living overseas. I love the travel, the meeting new people, new experiences.... I don’t miss living in the U.K. but love going back for a visit. It will always be there :)

I think, as a couple of others have touched upon, the people who emigrate permanently and successfully are the ones who always felt like outsiders even in their "hometown".

Actually officially being "our" as an outsider and not having anyone judge you for that because you're foreign is actually somewhat freeing

I was happy and had friends and a career in the UK, but I had no roots. Frequently moving around the UK for my father's career as a young child, then my parents settling somewhere very Royston Casey with completely the wrong accent and being sent to out of area schools and private school can make you an outsider in your ostensible "home town". I do feel England is my home country, but I don't feel I belong in any specific town or location in that country - that makes it far easier to feel equally at home and not at home simultaneously in another country, once you've got to grips with the language.

"out" not our

I should have said I've been in Germany 12 years and lived in my current house longer than any other house anywhere including my parents' house. I've brought my newborns home to my current house, and it's been important to me to give my children roots so I've no intention of moving while any of them are in full time education at any rate.

I don't anticipate ever moving back to the UK and get annoyed by some things (especially the roads and paying for parking everywhere and everything being so shabby in most areas) when I go back.

Another I totally understand the equally at home and not at home feeling! That sums it up perfectly.

Op, how old are your children? Once they get past a certain age they need to be consulted about any proposed big change.

They can learn other languages here, don't need to live abroad to do that.

Anyway you have two years to make your minds up.

When I was young, ie before marriage, I imagined I would work abroad for a while, maybe America. I didn't, I've not only stayed in England but not very far from where I was brought up.

I like living here, we've had a good life and hopefully I will continue to do so for at least a few more years.

I understand the feeling of not belonging, I was like that as a child but it wasn't about my location.

Good luck whatever you do.

I love the thought of moving abroad. I once lived in Madrid for the year and loved my experience there, I am now back in the UK but I have already set a plan of moving back, such a laid back lifestyle and 100% less stress!