Moving back to UK due to health, but at what cost

[fragilecedar]

Sorry for the not so joyful post, but I wanted to get different perspectives - I find it hard thinking things through.

Moved to Hong Kong 7 months ago and due to a number of reasons I've come down with clinical depression (e.g. rejection after rejection during job hunt, difficulties finding friends, etc.). My husband had already been here for a year before I moved because I needed to sort through health issues (we actually have no kids).

From my perspective I can't stay in Hong Kong because our insurance doesn't cover psychiatric help (even GP costs aren't covered) and we don't have the funds to cover these costs.

My option was to find a rehab facility in a country close to Hong Kong which doesn't break the bank (e.g. Thailand) to get myself to a place where I don't need to be hospitalised. I know though that when I finish with rehab, I will need regular follow-up support wherever I actually live.

I mentioned to my husband I'd like to go back to the UK where I know I have doctors I can go to regularly (even though the quality can be poor and you don't always get access to a psychiatrist on the NHS). He said that he won't be able to move back for another year due to financial issues as he needs to pay off accumulated debt (also there are no positions for him in the UK at the same company he could transfer to). Unfortunately, we had always counted on me getting a job to afford living here as Hong Kong isn't really affordable unless you have a fantastic expat salary package (which he doesn't). So, this is partially my fault.

Now, I don't know what to do - I need medical help, but want to be with my husband too. I really don't know how I am supposed stretch another year in Hong Kong without any medical support (I have tried seeing a therapist, but can only see her once a month due to costs). Going back to the UK would mean paying rent which is not cheap in London and while I could get benefits, they are really a fraction of the living expenses there (if I get them that is).

Another option is going back to my parents to make it easier financially, but they live in a different European country and I am unsure of how the psychiatric support there is.

I feel like it's either my mental health or staying with my husband which is making me panic. (I have such a strong suspicion that if we do another year apart our relationship will end).

I am sure I haven't thought all of this through - what other options could there be?

I'm sorry to hear you are having such a bad time. I'm not experienced in expat issues so hope others post.

I'm not clear if you have been able to access medication and whether that's helped?

There are counselling services, would they work as support? I have a relative who lives rurally and uses one, i think some are properly trained however I imagine you would want to do a l of research and make sure if was some one good.

Cheers for the quick replies!

TemporaryPermanent - I have tried medication in the past, multiple times and none of them helped. Until I saw a private psychiatrist in the the UK last year when I still had an income who confirmed that antidepressants won't work for me. To get medication I would need to go to a psychiatrist here and I can't afford it (from what I have read there aren't many good ones and it's expensive). :(

jellybean85 - I am seeing a counsellor/therapist but due to costs I can only afford to see them once a month. I would need more intensive support at this stage as this alone isn't working anymore (hence not just depression but clinical depression). :(

If your husband has to stay in HK for another year to pay off debts then he can do that. Could he move to smaller /cheaper accommodation to save money? You need to come back to the UK to get better. Do you have any support here in terms of friends or family? I assume you lived in London before as you mentioned London as being expensive. I guess you would want to go back to your old area which is fine. If there is nobody you could stay with why don't you get a studio or flat share? Cheaper than a whole house. You haven't managed to get a job in HK which has contributed to how you are feeling now. Obviously you would need to do something here to support yourself but it could be refreshing to do something outside of your normal area of expertise just to get working again. Skype with DH. This is just a small blip on your life together. Take each day as it comes. Most important thing is to start getting well.

Magissa

It's a good suggestion to look at cheaper accommodation while he's here, I'll talk to him about that.

I think I have more support in London than in the country where my parents live - at least in terms of people and the GP I know. I had considered the costs with a flatshare, just need to make sure I find one that is cheaper than the market rate as I would like to go back to the same area.

You're right, the lack of job has been my downfall; I was always the one the most dedicated to my specialist career (in terms of seeking out courses at my own expense and working extra hours). Not being able to continue just broke me (not what I expected). Also, I got confirmation today that I would have to work my way up again if I wanted to stay in the same field and I just can't anymore. Problem is that whenever I had to do a job that wasn't related to my career, I got anxiety problems and my mental health was even worse off, so I'm not sure if I want to risk that.

Thank you for the reassurance - I think I'll print out your last three sentences on the fridge as a reminder!

Thank you, you've been very helpful.