Who else is off to visit family over the summer holidays ... and not entirely looking forward to it?

[NotQuiteCockney]

I'm wondering if many other MNers are in the same boat as me. I go home every year - might try moving to every two years or year and a half ... I don't really look forward to it, and find it far too stressful.

How does everyone else cope with family obligations?

Its not easy - DH is from Syria and so that means a yearly trip over there as his mum isn't getting any younger...its expensive as well as the tickets on Syrian air are over £400 each, plus vitamins etc for his mum and garuanteed there are requests for several things for us to bring which takes up space in the luggage....has to be done though...its not as if his mum can hop on a plane very easily and she worries about dying while over here - all the typical old people things!

Not sure what your situation is? Can't you compromise - they visit you one year, you vist them the next?

Yes same boat. Same exact boat. In fact heading off to the US later this week. Again.

We live in London. Holiday after holiday, we have to see family: US and Spain, again and again. My children have hardly seen anywhere else. But my parents have a BIG sense of entitlement. . .and they're resentful that I've moved away. . .and they'd be catastrophically hurt if we didn't see each other 4 times a year--and they'd say so!

And my kids' aunt & uncle live in Spain. . .so we're always off there too. They're equally pushy and expects visits. But when we visit them, my father starts kicking up a fuss; and vice versa.

But the thing is, it's never enough; you never please any of them; and there's so little gratitude for the hell we go through dragging small children 3,000 miles away, so many times a year. It really enrages me just writing about it.

So not sure how I "cope" or even if I cope. I think i just chalk it up to one of those things in life you have to do but don't want to do, and I just do it and count the days.

And I don't know about you, NQC, but my relationship with my parents is not great so I get extra resentful. But they're controlling, and come out of a very "family-oriented" culture, so the idea of our seeing them once a year, or once every two years (as you're considering) would be out of the question and laughable. But if you can pull that off--I'm jealous!

we are going to see my family in a weeks time. am quite excited, has been over a year since I've been back, and have dd3 to introduce to everyone. I'll be there for a long time, most of the summer holidays, and after about week 3 I'm wondering why I've booked such a long time at home

you're not alone

Oh god, the idea of doing this four times a year, gak.

When the kids are bigger, I guess we might go away more, but we mostly only go away once a year, to Canada.

I am resentful of the whole thing, but it's complicated - none of them have money, so travel isn't easy. I want to see my friends when I go home, so we visit the city my family is in, and then go on to the city my friends are in, as a "treat". (It's a toss up, though - do I go to the friend city first, and spend that trip stressing about seeing my family? Or do I go last, and spend it exhausted from seeing my family?)

Last year I swore I'd go to doing it every other year - it's so stressful, it's so much work, and I get no real appreciation for it, and don't really enjoy it. Oh, and I don't get any help from Canada to sort it out, and my relatives are often hard work about it all.

Entertainingly, this year, we are officially holding Xmas while there, which means maybe my sister will have to bestirr herself to actually sort out a present or two. Normally, I bring things for her and her kid, and she does nothing. (Money is an issue, but it's a token effort thing, there's no way I'll be bitching afterwards, 'I spent X and she only spent Y'.)

(One thing that helps, though, is we don't stay with people. That would kill me. Although, to be fair, it's more because nobody even vaguely has room.)

hana, I remember you're East Coast, but not which bit. Do you get to do some wildernessy things? Or at least go blueberry picking?

Xanthipi, my culture isn't very family-oriented, we're British/Canadian. My parents did used to be more controlling, and tried hard when I first moved away (within Canada). But I decided to be pavlovian about it, and would avoid them if they were being jerks. This worked pretty well. (Well, really, the problem was my mother, and now she's gone. But it doesn't mean the rest of them aren't bloody annoying anyway.)

am from NS - we'll mostly stay with my parents, and also visit a sister in NB. dh is only there for a week, I'm there for 4 more. We'll pick blueberries, strawberries, raspberries........!! The dds will have a blast, my parents can't wait to see them. I feel enormous guilt about living in a different country and this in some way offsets it. a bit

I'm staying with family all summer as I do every year and I could certainly imagine some place nicer to be (like in a nice hotel next to a pool ) but I do it for my dc sake as we don't have any family nearby (we're abroad) and I just want them to have the security of that unconditional love that you get from grandparents, aunts and uncles. Dh's family is in India, Bangladesh , USA, Dubai and Pakistan so they are so spread out that I'm spared that duty - we might go to Bangladesh at christmas so his mum can see the dc again but I admit that I really see it as a duty and don't look forward to it.

Ah, see, my family can't really put us up (no room) and doesn't really make that much of a fuss. I think I will go to every other year, there isn't that much for them to do there, I don't really get help when in Canada, it's all hard work.