Living in two coutries

[Kar06]

Hi,

I am considering living in two countries and would like to know if any one has a similar situation as mine or can offer tips that can help make it happen.

I have been living in the US for over 5 years because of my daughter. A legal battle and broken down communication with my soon to be ex has tied me to the US and thus I cannot move back home with my daughter. I have not found peace or be able to settle on a personal and professional level here. It has been a struggle and I long for the peace and comfort of home, the support systems and the financial opportunities that seem to be more readily available there for me. Further, I found a soul connection with someone back home and I have considered extending my family.

I cannot see myself leaving without my daughter. She is a pre-teen, a sensitive stage, and I would like to be with her. I cannot see myself leaving her now at all. Yet at the same time I want to set up a life back home and maybe a new family. I am exploring living in both countries at least until my daughter is independent enough (at university).

I have explored ways to make it work financially, but I am not financially grounded and due to the difference in currency setting up a viable business back home in my field will not for some years be able to help support living expenses in the US. Setting up a new business in any one of the countries will be hard if I am traveling frequently as I may not be able to give the needed time a start up may need.

It doesn't sound as though you're in a financial position to do what you want at all. Its a luxuary of the rich in afraid - you're stuck in America for another 8 years unless you abandon your daughter.

Presumably you're her father not her mother to be even considering living so far away from your pre teen child just because you've found a new girlfriend?

blueskies I assume you want to be considered equal and I assume you are an advocate of equal gender rights? Then stop perpetuating the idea that all mothers are saints and all fathers are demons.

sollyfromsurrey so you're a woman considering living across the Atlantic from your pre teen even though you can't afford to, because you've found a new shag and want more babies?

I have never met a woman who's leave the country her dependant child lives in, but so many men who think it's fine as long as they pay maintenance and maintain some contact in the holidays.

blueskies stop perpetuating the idea that all mothers are saints and all fathers are demons.

sollyfromsurrey ist there an Echo in Here?

By the sound of your pist aren't even solvent and don't expect to be able to meet your responsibilities in two countries.

How are you planning to support your child, seeing as she's not going to be living with you? Why are you planning on "extending" your family if your "not financially grounded".

I haven't suggest all parents of either sex are saints or demons, there are good and bad of both sexes and most are in between, but I've yet to meet a woman who'd deliberately plan to leave her preteen daughter on the other side of the Atlantic.

Your opening post makes you sound utterly self centered and deluded. You want approval and suggestions to allow you to move back to the UK chasing your new love-interest and won't even be paying maintenance for your pre teen daughter, given you're not "financially grounded" and don't expect to be able to support"living expenses" (hers or yours?) in the US, soon enough you'll largely loose contact unless someone else funds you, but you'll presumably blame her mum for that. Meanwhile you'll be "extending your family" whom you presumably won't be in a position to support either... What a prize.

Why not get a job where your existing child lives. Why is your daughter only worth a long term relationship with but your new "soul connection" needs you to leave your existing child behind and move thousands of miles to be together?

blueskies Are you ok? Seriously? None of the assumptions you have made of me are even close to being accurate. Regardless, you seem VERY angry. Please, seek some help as throwing some wild and crazy accusations about online suggests you are suffering some genuine distress. You seem to be reflecting some very specific person on to me. One that has perhaps caused you great pain but one that is far removed from who I am, where I live, what family dynamic I represent or even my financial status. Please, stop channeling your anger at strangers and seek help.

From what you've said and the fact that your DC will have to stay in the US, I think you have to face the fact that you can't do what you want right now. Neither your finances nor your living situation suggest that this is an option. I think too that you need to accept that you CHOSE to live in the US and take that on the chin. Surely no one moves countries and has a DC with someone from that country without considering what that might do to their life and their future options for living and working? I know I weighed up that very decision very, very carefully, so if for some reason you didn't I suggest you start working through it in your mind right now, with the intention that you learn to accept this decision that you freely made. You have a DC now who needs you. You are no longer the free agent that you were before you had her. Her needs come first. Yours will have to wait until she is old enough to be independent.

sollyfromsurrey I cannot understand a parent who would contemplate this with a preteen child.

Mothers move heaven and earth to stay in the same country as their children, including getting jobs at their schools or live in jobs nearby if everything goes against them in court.

The utter selfishness of asking for tips on abandoning the child you have to make more theoretical babies with a new squeeze abroad is breathtaking.

blueskies I literally wrote 3 sentences and you went ballistic at me..... I have realized your error. You don't know how mumsnet works.

There is this thing called an Original Poster. I am not the OP.

Stop getting angry at me. Go away.

sollyfromsurrey I apologise - I did mistake you for the OP because you echoed their exact words. Why would you do that?

My posts should have been addressed Kar06

blueskies...nope. Didn't echo anyone. Repeated my assertion.

solly I think you've as much of an agenda as you accuse me of having. Did you hop onto the thread to be the PC police? The OP is looking to abandon his kid and not support them financially - why do you feel the need to make this about scolding me for pointing out that 99% of the time the only parent who would think of doing this is the one with the penis?

OP. Which state are you in? Would it help to move within the US?

I know a few people who do this but they are retired/ have grown up children and are well off financially.

Even if you manage to do this financially it won't be fair for your daughter and for your new family; by trying to be in two places, you will always miss things. Unless you leave your daughter behind the only solution I see if that you try to find stability/ peace in the US; perhaps your new partner will be willing to move to the US with you until your child is old enough to decide where she wants to live or go to university.

blueskies reckon you touched a nerve . I don’t see where you are perpetuating any myths re men and women.

Op Why can’t you earn money where you are in the US?

We are a multi-country family. Accounting for everybody there are 15 members of my immediate family who regularly split their time between at least two different countries. But it is expensive. More expensive than you realize. FIL spends so much time going back and forth that he just ended up buying a plane because it financially made more sense. That's insane. I just don't see how it is plausible for the average Joe or Joanne.