To have a baby abroad or return home

[SunnyHAn18]

Hello! This is my first post on mumsnet although I have read quite a few threads and really enjoyed reading others experiences of living abroad. My husband and I are currently living abroad in South East Asia. We want to start a family in the next year or so and currently debating whether to return to the UK (home for both of us) or to remain abroad. There are of course lots of pros and cons to both. The main thing is that overall we have a much better lifestyle living abroad which we love but we miss family a lot and would love to be near them.

I would love to hear some stories from people who have lived abroad or are still living abroad and raising a family. Did you have babies abroad or did you return to the UK to start a family? I know this is of course personal preference but would be great to hear from real life experiences.

It would be a no brainer for me. Move home. You already miss family. You'll miss them even more after having children. Having a baby is hard, you will want the emotional and practical support of your family if you can get it. And it will be so much nicer for everyone if your parents can see your children regularly and have a good relationship with them.

I’ve had babies in three countries. We actually went ‘home’ to have dc3, as we felt with three tinies it would be nice to live in the same country as grandparents etc.
She was actually brain damaged at birth - our only nhs baby and they broke her...
I do wonder occasionally if we had stayed overseas would she be still be disabled? Or would she not have survived?
Anyway - I had two in different countries overseas before dc3 and it was all fine. I’m pretty easy about babies fitting in with whatever you are doing when they are tiny.

I can't think of anyone who has gone home to start a family.
I can think of loads of people who have moved to Saudi and babies appear about a year later.
I can think of several babies born here, and families have gone home about a year later.

Just 2 other things to consider: will Baby get a British passport if born abroad - it is dependant on how you and DH got their British citizenship, and what are the quality of hospitals in the country you currently reside in.

What would the citizenship situation be if you stay in the country you're currently in? I know several people who have returned home to have a baby so that the child has citizenship of the country they eventually want to return to. Some countries do not give citizenship to a child just for being born there.

I have all 3 of my babies overseas, 1st two in New Zealand last one here in Australia. No2 was abit of a stressfull pregnancy and birth so ended up running home and being miserable for a year then moved to Australia. It is hard at times but it is also quite liberating as you can do things how you want. The best part is my kids now have multiple passports so have lots of options when they are older.

I had mine in Oz, amazing experience, all my friends were here my life was/is here.

We did move home when DS was 6 weeks old as my DH was having some issues at work.

I lasted 8 months and begged to move back, it wasn't really home anymore.

I had my family which was lovely and I miss them but they all have their own lives and all the reasons I left were all still there.

Hi thanks for all your quick replies! 😀 the passport thing would not be an issue for us. We both originate from the UK and would only need a British passport for any children that come along.

Hospitals are a good consideration for sure. That is also another reason staying abroad could be a positive. From my experience in the country I am in now, private hospitals are affordable and offer a good maternity service. Not that I am at all against the NHS and have also had some positive experience there.

Interesting to hear some experiences have been liberating moving abroad. For us, our life here is far less stressful than in the UK, work life balance much better and we feel much more removed from the “keeping up with the jones” culture here. That is a big draw to stay out here as how stressed I am or not has implications for pregnancy and family life. But saying all that I do miss family. Maybe the answer is to move slightly closer to home so easier to fly back more regularly....

@beingsunny I think that is also a worry for me, moving back home to be near family when they all have their own busy family lives spread across the country. Not sure how much in reality we would see them.

I think it depends how happy you currently are living abroad, and what your support network is like. I've had my two kids abroad and have found it incredibly hard. Although the country I'm in is constantly being declared the "best place to have a family" it really isn't the case if you're essentially on your own. We have lovely friends but they're all in the same position as we are - young kids and no family here - so we can't really ask them for help. Unfortunately we're not in a position to move home as my husband's industry is dying in the UK. But it sounds like you could potentially move back at any time so why not try it and see how you get on? Of course there are many positives too, especially if you have the financial freedom to bring people over for visits.

My friend moved to NZ and had two babies. Then she split up with her partner and wanted to come home (to be near her mum etc) but she can’t - she needs his permission to take the children out of the country, and he won’t give it as he’s happy there. So now she’s stuck there forever. Just something to think about.

I had my 5th child here in the UAE. It was fine, not that different from having the other 4 in the UK.
Passport wise, if you and/or your husband got nationality because you were born in the UK then your child will be fine. If they go on to marry a non UK citizen or someone who was born overseas then your grandchild may have problems getting a UK passport. Laws change though so dont let this worry you too much.
The UAE dont give nationality to babies born here.
I think quality of life overseas means its better to have young children away from the UK.
Bring your parents over to help for the first month?

I'm in South Africa and have a 3yo and 6mo twins. I was guaranteed an ELCS for the twins which was great. While we have no family nearby, we can afford to pay two nannies, both of whom get about 50% more than the going rate. Honestly they are far more helpful than any family could be. I think we will stay here for a while longer.

Both of our kids will have been born abroad. Our first was born in the UK, we are Australian. Our second is due in 3 weeks and will be born in South East Asia.
Private health care is fabulous and we've had no qualms about giving birth here. It's also affordable. That doesn't stop us from having a little grumble every time a bill comes in because we'd been used to not having to pay anything in the NHS!

Not having family around is also a consideration. I found my support network in the UK was a lot stronger than here, but we are only 6 months into living here as opposed to the years we had lived in the UK. In saying that, we've coped fine. Sometimes an extra pair of hands would be nice but also not having opinions and unsolicited advice is just as nice!

It can be hard, but living abroad in general is hard! You just make it work! We've committed to 3 years here, which is really nothing in the grand scheme of things. We will reassess when that time is up but we'll probably return to the UK or try and get to the States. We aren't homesick for Australia after so many years away, even though all of are family are there. The world is a lot smaller now with Skype/FaceTime and reasonably priced flights so our family has still seen our son grow up, although we are well aware it's not really the same as being in the same town/city.

We love the opportunities that living abroad has given us but we also couldn't wait much longer to have our kids. Ticking clocks and all! We haven't regretted it at all!

Good luck with your decision! It's not the easiest one to make, we know!

Both my children were born overseas - in Europe, not where we currently live. Care was superb, private room, decent hospital stay and support with breastfeeding - definitely better than going back to the UK.
My children have lived overseas their whole lives and it's easy to keep in touch with Skype, wechat and we are happy to pay for grandparents to come and visit.

We are also in SE Asia and planning another DC (currently have 4yo DD).

We will stay abroad for a while if we have another baby. We would be able to afford a full time nanny to help practically which will probably be more help than family at home. Emotionally I have a good network of friends and I know DM and MIL would come to stay and help at the start.

DD is so happy and settled at her international school and is getting an education above and beyond anything we ever expected.

Some points we needed to consider about staying abroad to have a baby:

Medical insurance, does it cover pregnancy and birth?

Passports, not eligibility but rather the actual process of getting one. A friend of mine had a baby here and it looks as though it will take 9 MONTHS to get his passport. The documentation required to prove he is eligible is insane. (Even when both parents were born in the U.K.)

This might sound odd but what blood type are you? I am Rhesus negative. Less than 1% of people here have negative blood and it is hard to get donors. I need a C-section for number 2 and the thought that I might need blood does concern me.

I think for me personally I would go home to physically give birth and get baby's passport (and let family meet them). Then I would come back to SE Asia to carry on living for a few years and enjoy the lifestyle benefits until we are ready to go home.

We had dd overseas and returned to UK when she was 6 months. DP needed a visa

thanks for all your quick replies! 😀 the passport thing would not be an issue for us. We both originate from the UK and would only need a British passport for any children that come along.

I'm not sure that's quite right op? where are you?

I've been living in the ME for nearly 6 years. Got pregnant and had most of my antenatal care here but went home to the UK for the birth. We have very good medical insurance here but my worry was that I'd be advised to have a c section etc as they can bill more for that than vaginal delivery etc. Plus I wanted my mum near etc. We came back to the ME when ds was 6 weeks old. I do miss my family but we spend a lot of holiday time back in the UK and ds has a great relationship with my family. The lack of support can get you down a bit but it gets easier. Financially, it makes sense to stay abroad for a while longer. Ds is in preschool now and loves it. We have a cleaner and driver and don't really want for anything. Just miss home sometimes.

So nice to hear all of your experiences! 😊

@babysharkah We are in SE Asia. What I mean is we are not fussed about baby having multiple passports. The baby would only need one password and would get a dependent visa because of husband's work.

@skukuza I also heard that applying for British passport can be a nightmare if abroad. So that's a consideration. Also didn't think about what blood type I am (I have no idea at this point!) so that is something I will check out.

@SunshineSnowflakesDaydreams it's def not an easy decision to make!

In monetary terms, in the uk we earned more money as both could work (in in a specialist field and unable to work in same field here). However we have a far better lifestyle here in terms of less stress, worklife balance and travel opportunities here which we love. So despite earning less overall because cost of living is lower we end up having a lifestyle we enjoy here. Not working here is frustrating for me here however I've also had brilliant opportunities to use my skills through voluntary work.

The decision is impossible as there are pros to both. I'm happy to physically have the baby abroad as healthcare here is so good. It's more the experience of raising a baby in another country without family around versus raising baby in the uk surrounded by family but with higher stress levels and higher cost or living. I think ultimately there is no right answer and we will see what opportunities come up for us.

Hi OP - I came across your thread and wondering what you decided to do. I had my son in the US, he is 20 months old. We are planning to return to UK (both of us british) as we are finding it harder being away from family every day:
that said I am having lots of wobbles based on quality of life reasons you mention.
wojld love to hear your experience. Thank you!

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