To move before or after baby arrives

[TheRealMummyPig]

I'd love some thoughts from people who've moved overseas either whilst pregnant or waited until their baby was born.

We've got an opportunity to move back to Singapore (lived there for four years 2011-2015) for my husband's job. It's not a move I'm 100% keen on but the benefits of going seem to outweigh the alternative of staying put.

I'm due with our second child (first DD has just turned two) in late April. We've discussed moving there in February or June. There are Pros and cons for both.

Part of me wants to be settled in our new home in Singapore before beginning the tough early months with a newborn but part of me wants our child to be born here where everything is familiar and I'd have my family on hand (especially as having another c section).

We may have time to organise a live in helper before baby came if we moved in February but in my first pregnancy I felt horrible for the last few months and wasn't up to anything much (let alone moving country!)

I just don't know what's best.

Hmm, I moved out here 6 weeks before DD2 was born (8 weeks before due date but I have GDM so was induced early).

There were pros and cons to that.

DH was given accommodation for the first 4 weeks, but that meant getting an apartment and moving in only 2 weeks before my induction. It was a very busy and stressful time (building an IKEA bed while in early labour was a highlight ) as I also needed to get DD1 settled into the local preschool too. We found a helper who came to stay when DD2 was 2wo. Again, it was full on!

HOWEVER, once the baby had arrived (now 4 months), things felt calm as DD1 already had a routine going by that point. With all the change going on she was barely bothered by the new addition! Our helper has been a marvel too. There is a well-known mother's group called NMGS which does lots of meet ups - soft plays, coffee mornings etc.

It is a lot different with two and even with all the last-minute stress we had, I'm glad we moved before and not after the birth. We're all heading back for a holiday at Christmas and the flight alone is giving me palpitations Would not want to move with two!

If you want your DC to have full British citizenship with the right to decendancy then move after. Baby would be British if born abroad but their children would not have automatic rights to citizenship.

Would the citizenship really be a problem? I have had both my children abroad and neither had a problem with citizenship. Their British passports were issued very quickly without a problem.

Also had 2 C sections in a country where I don't speak the language and only had DH here. It was scary but it was fine and in your situation op, I would rather move before than trying to deal with it all while recovering and with a baby and toddler in tow.

Same @mrsnec - Ive had 2 babies in 2 different countries and no passport problems with either!

Thanks so much for your replies everyone. I'm less concerned with the citizenship side of things as this hasn't been an issue for others we know in Singapore.

One other potential issue I've thought of is that we wouldn't be able to get medical insurance coverage at such a late stage so we would have to cover all costs for the birth (including hospital and OB) as well as for the baby post birth. Can only imagine this could be sky high if there were any problems.

You can get insurance - look at Aviva (I couldn't at 32w but only because I had GDM, otherwise Aviva would have approved). Birth plus 2 nights' stay at a private hospital for me was circa 8000SGD.

Thanks @Limpshade I'll check out Aviva

The citizenship issue isn't so much for your children, it's for their eventual children (your grandchildren) should they have any. My understanding is that British citizens born abroad generally can't pass on citizenship to their own children (exemptions apply for cases like diplomats our armed forces posted abroad), while British citizens born in the UK can.

I think moving before would be slightly earlier than moving with baby in tow, administratively if nothing else. But having your family around, especially to look after the older child, would be helpful. Can they come out and stay with you for a while around the birth?

British Overseas Citizenship doesn’t really exist any more. You have to spefically apply for it. Born in Singapore to married British parents, your kid will definitely be British. You or DH will just need to go to the British Embassy to register the birth.

Some of the posters seem a bit mixed up. Of course the child would get a British passport.

The point is that once you have your child abroad, they will always be British by descent. This was a change made by Margaret Thatcher.

Their own children will not be British automatically, so would not get a British passport. It may sound simple enough and a long way off (i.e. that your child to be will surely live in England when they eventually have children themselves). But in today’s world and especially for an international family, it may not be the case, that adult child may happen to be living and working elsewhere just at the time of the birth.

Personally, I would have the baby in England for that reason alone.

Move after. My DC have zero claim to British citizenship because I'm a second generation expat.

Thanks everyone. Re: citizenship, I'm British by birth but DH is Australian by birth and we are currently living in Aus so our child won't be born in England regardless. I don't know what this means for the child's citizenship if born in Singapore!

And here I was only worrying about the logistical side of things 

Any more opinions from people who've moved pre or post birth? So far it looks like moving pre birth is the more popular recommendation (citizenship issues aside)

I think the citizenship point applies to Australian citizenship too - your child would be a citzen of either Aus or the UK by descent and cannot pass that on to his/her child. My third child was born in Singapore (moved when I was 7 months pregnant) and he is both Aus and Brit by descent. Fine for him but less so for his kids compared to the full citizenship my daughters have. Worth looking into.

We had the same option and I chose to move after (mainly because I thought my mum would kill me if I moved before!), DD was almost 3 months when we moved, DS 3.5yrs, was easy enough and I’m glad everyone got to meet DD when she was born and I got my NHS midwife and my NHS homebirth and knew the medical system

It's an interesting one for you. I can tell you the pros and cons from my perspective (bearing in mind I had one child out here, having been in SG for quite a while, with insurance etc)

PROs

• the hospital experience is ridiculously nice - private room, good food, nice nurses. I got a massage on day two - crazy!
• the doctor I'd seen through my pregnancy delivered my baby. That was so reassuring
• it was lovely to go home and already have room set up, nice new helper in place etc.

CONS

• SG hospitals are not very into 'natural' births - there are a lot of c-sections and they are keen for you to use drugs. There are c. 2 water birth facilities I can think of in hospitals (although there are of course birthing centres if you are ok to research).
• You won't be short of good doctors etc but probably wouldn't have the same rapport as you have with your NHS midwives given the timing
• I don't mean this to sound scare-mongery, but in the unlikely event that something didn't go well, you could face a huge bill. The medical care is amazing but it is expensive. A friend of mine's baby was born with lots of issues, she's now fit and healthy thanks to amazing care, but the bill was $300,000.

It's definitely worth looking into the Aviva insurance, and thinking about the type of birth that's right for you - then you can make an informed decision.

Good luck with the new adventures.

@Halogenbub thanks for your response. The hospital experience certainly sounds luxurious! I'll be having a c section again after ending up with one last time so the lack of natural options doesn't affect me.

The potential costs for any medical problems does concern me but I'm hoping to find an insurance policy that will alleviate these concerns. I emailed Expat Insurance a few days again but haven't had a response yet.

The helper side of things does sounds appealing - if I can get used to the idea of a stranger living in our home!!

I moved when 7 months pregnant with DC2, when DC1 was 22 months. I also had a planned section. My first section with DC1 was a fairly horrendous and possibly botched emergency section which led to continued internal bleeding, blood transfusions, and going back into surgery. Nevertheless I was kicked out of the noisy, overcrowded, understaffed, overheated NHS postnatal ward less than 3 full days after DC1's arrival.

The language barrier where we are now was daunting initially, but I must say DC2's delivery and the after car was worlds better. A totally different experience which made the NHS look like 3rd world medicine. Despite DC2's delivery being problem free I wasn't even meant to be changing his nappies myself on day 3 in hospital, the nurses did everything and were surprised that I checked myself out of my sunny, well ventilated en-suite room on day 4 (I felt bad staying away from DC1 so long) as I could have stayed up to 7 days!

So from that side of things I'd have the baby abroad! :o

My mum came to stay after DC2 was born but tbh that was a nightmare and very stressful as she wouldn't drive here and can't speak the language and essentially just installed herself in my feeding chair expecting to cuddle the baby every moment he wasn't feeding or having his nappy changed. When DC3 arrived a few years later I found it much less stressful to get on on my own despite another section and firmly declined live in family help - obviously my parents came to visit, but briefly and together which was much easier. DH was about of course. That part of things depends on your personality and your family I guess.

The one thing I missed was my friends. I had made a big effort to build up a group of friends through antenatal course in the UK and had a blissful maternity leave with a brilliant bunch of new mums after DC1 was born. We still saw each other several times a week up until I left the UK. Arriving in a new place with a young toddler and not speaking the language meant I couldn't do the same thing here - so I lacked the wonderful support network of people going through the same thing I'd had in the UK. That was hard.

In Singapore you won't have a language barrier though and with a bit of effort you should be able to build yourself up a group of friends before the baby comes along.

I'd move before, definitely.

@blueskiesandforests thanks so much for your reply. Your experience second time around sounds wonderful.

I think we've pretty much decided to go before the baby is born and try to hire a helper. My parents will also come over too.

There is no insurance policy available to cover my hospital stay or OB fees for my c section surgery as we can't serve the 12 month waiting periods so we'll be out of pocket around $20k SGD I think which is obviously not ideal. The Aviva policy only covers complications during pregnancy and also covers the baby for 23 congenital diseases.
Was that your experience @Limpshade ?