Does anyone regret it?

[Gossipygirl]

This might be rambling, but we got asked to go to Australia from the U.K. with my husbands job (we both work for the same company but it's him they wanted) we've been here since May.
For so many reasons it's just been not what they promised us, or what we expected. Our house in the U.K. is due to complete in the next two weeks and I'm really struggling with that. I loved our house and our life and had no desire to leave, I glad we came on this adventure as such but I'm just not happy, I miss the life we had and our home, family and friends. I don't know what I'm expecting in answers really because everyone is different but, did anyone regret moving initially and it got better?

It can be really hard at first. Are you working? It can be particulary hard if you aren't. Is this a permanent move, that is very different to a short term move.

Hi OP,

I also moved overseas last year. As you say everyone is different. The first year I absolutely loved. Felt like a huge adventure, something new everyday. As the second year has come around it’s been different. And I’m missing home and our old life for the first time.

So maybe the homesick feeling is something we all have to go through at some point.

It might be helpful if you could say what exactly it is you miss.

I wouldn't sell your home just yet. You dont know if the move will be perm or not?

I've just returned to Aus after 10 years in London. It's a bit of a shock to the system but this is my home and dh and I had no interest in returning to the UK so did sell our house.

But, it does take at least 2 years to settle I think. I really struggled with London for about the first 3 years, then it just started to feel like home.

Do you have to sell your house?

I loved being overseas for many years and suddenly homesickness hit- still here but going through a stage of wondering whey we did not just find a job in the UK and be close to grandparents once the kids came along.It may be a getting older thing but I just want to be in my home culture around old friends where it is easy. However jobs pay better here, schools are easier....but I still feel pangs to be back in the UK.

We do have to sell out Home as we need the equity out of it to pay off Car loans and credit card otherwise it wouldn't be feasible to live here and travel back to the U.K. Maybe it's just the stress of money that's been getting us down so far.

I am working yes but not particularly what I want to do and it's so cold here right now!

I can't really pinpoint exactly what isn't right, I miss my home my friends and my doggy. It's just for a two year sponsorship to be reviewed after the two years is up.
Thank you for all your replies - probably just need to give it some time I guess! I was just interested to hear others journeys

You've not been there long OP - it can take a while to feel you have any kind of life. I spent my first year in the new country concentrating on building a social circle (I wasn't working) and I'm so glad I did - nearly three years in, it's hugely paying off and I love the friends I've made here and the things we all do together. I do still miss the UK and think we will go back one day but at least I can enjoy this experience. Good luck.

The first year or so is hard and I think most
people regret it at points in that time.

I’ve been in Korea five years and while I will never love it here, I’m ok with it.

I regretted an overseas move, I missed my family and friends, career, the no nonsense approach of the NHS and everything else about good old Blighty.

I came home, alone, well with a toddler and all my animals after three years, DH stayed for an extra year.

It could have been a forever move and I think we thought it might be when we left the UK.

I am so much happier at home and so grateful that I have been close enough geographically to see my parents regularly over the last ten years, they are now approaching 80.

If you can review it at the end year 2 you should, that isn’t too far away.

I found the first couple of years hard. I only moved to France.
I think you have the most important thing sorted, a job.
When you live overseas, it’s really important to make a good circle of friends. As I don’t work, mine came through DS’s friend’s parents and a circle of emigré as opposed to Expat mums.
We are all here permanently; not on a short term placement.
I’ve now been here over a decade, and would never live in the uk permanently.
Although I go back very regularly for visits. I realise this is not so possible with Oz.

I've lived in several countries abroad and while I made the most of it was never happy unril I came home. I was just homesick all the time.
I don't even go abroad on holiday now I love my home country so much

My absolute low points were at 4 months, and 12 months. The years after that have got easier, tho this year is stacking up to be pretty shit.
In fact, at 4 months, I booked flights back to the UK for me and the kids for a holiday. I just needed to get out of here and see my Mum.
Now I'm at peace with this place, but desperately planning how we get back to the uk. I suspect we do what delights did, and i move back with the kids to suit schooling, and then DH follows when he can.

Is there any way you can rent the house to allow you to keep it, and use the rent to fund the debt and travel? Honestly, if you are there for 2 years, selling the house, especially if you are planning on going back to the same area, sounds like something you should see if you can avoid doing.

I would love to try and keep our house but it's just not financially viable, we made an awful lot of money out of it that we weren't expecting so at least when/if we return we can put a decent deposit down!
I'd love to make make some more friends and a bit of a social circle going but it's like a catch 22 I don't feel very fun so don't like making plans with people as I don't feel like myself! I've met a few people who are nice and we've seen each other a few times with partners but it's not the same. However as you say we haven't been here that long in the grand scheme of things!
I was hoping lots of people would have had far more positive experiences after feeling homesick but it seems what I'm feeling is pretty normal, just need to try and pick myself out of it!
For those of you that did, how did you focus on making a circle of friends??

Whereabouts in Aus are you? I'm in Sydney but I don't think you are here, given you mention it being cold!

I moved here a few years ago with my Australian partner. I like it here but am not madly in love with it, so still feel a bit 50/50 about the whole thing... but we don't have to stay forever!

Are you here for a set period of time?

It's hard, isn't it? I was always someone who moaned about the UK and thought everywhere else was much better. Then I spent a year in Spain (a country I love) and couldn't believe how homesick I was. I had no idea there are so many things about the UK I'd miss. I really think it boils down to a sense of where your home is. My husband is from another European country and is really homesick and wants to return there. After my Spanish experience I know I want to stay here in my home country. There is no solution. Wherever we go one of us will be homesick and wanting to leave.

I am also in Oz, but I love it. However a lot of people don’t, isn’t it something like a third of emigrants go back? The first year is very hard though for everyone, nothing is familiar, your whole support system is missing and you have to do so much to establish yourself. Don’t they say the most stressful things in life are close family death, moving house and losing your job? Well emigrating is all of that tenfold!

So if you’ve only been here a few months, that’s really not long enough to judge if you will like it or not. It is good that you’re working, that will help you. Personally I found the most important thing was to make friends. I went onto my local pommy Facebook group and asked if anyone fancied meeting for coffee. I am a huge introvert so this was bloody hard! I ended up arranging a meet up and 16 women came! Six of us met every week for about six months, and I’m still firm friends with two of them, I see the rest less often. this was a real turning point for me, it helped that we were all newbies to Oz. And putting myself out there like that actually really boosted my self confidence.

So, why not give it your best shot? One good friend of mine went back to the UK as her husband was homesick. They were back a week and realised they had made a huge mistake and wanted to come back to Oz, but they couldn’t afford to. So give it a go, your contract is only two years! At the very least it will be an adventure most people don’t get the chance to experience!

It's only after you have tried to make a life in a foreign country that you understand just how hard it is for those moving to the U.K.

Don't worry about your home. I'd sell it just for the simple reason that prices are about to drop and managing tenants all the way from Australia is hard even with an agent. It's your family that make a home, not the house itself.

I get pangs of homesickness, especially surrounding the kids. I would love them to have a private British education, similar to what I had. DD1 would thrive with the small classes and critical thinking coupled with the curiosity that is encouraged in the UK in both private and state schools.

I've been inventive here and found expat wives who worked as teachers. I like to think i am helping them too in terms of having a job outside of the home after having their own career back home and a tiny bit of their own income.

I lived in Australia for a number of years. I didn't struggle at the beginning, it was only after time that I thought I was missing out on things and decided to return to the UK. However I know a lot of people that disliked it at first only to settle in later.

So I would give it time. However alarmed to read that you are selling your house when you are presumably on a two year temporary visa? It is best to hang onto your house in that scenario, especially if you loved the house, I would look to pull out of that transaction.

As an aside, I am wondering where on earth you are in Australia if you are cold in mid October. :-)

Oh just to add. I deeply regret returning to the UK. I have nothing against the UK at all, I just miss Australia and I think it is impacting my health I regret it so much.

Could you do the 2 years and then come back? Maybe rent the house in the UK.

I've lived abroad and when I have a set time 1-2 years I'm ok with it and I really enjoy it. The thought of moving abroad for forever has never attracted me. The mindset is totally different between a nice adventure and setting up an on foreseen amount of time

The human mind is a weird thing. Do you normally know things immediately or do you need time to think? Some people just know if they enjoy something. I know few people that have landed to a place and just know they want to live there. Then there are people that need time to adjust. You say you are happy about this adventure, but have you ever really wants to live anywhere else and did you actually want to go? This could be the key here.

Where are you that it's cold enough to be mentioned in your post?

I think the fact that you didn't want to move to begin with has a lot to do with this. It could be confirmation bias.

I'm so sorry I didn't see these replies for some reason! Thank you for your input it's all really interesting to hear if your experiences

To answer some questions -
Chatwoo I am in Sydney yes, but it's still been very cold since May although getting nicer now

Alwayscrashing I love your point of view, I'm normally of a similar positive state of mind and your story has made me feel much better thank you

Alfie as above - I am in Sydney and in probably one of the nicer areas too so I think I have just been looking at things negatively rather than positively

After some reflection, I think my uncertainty comes down to our work. My husband and I work for the same company and we got asked to come here, however the company has undergone massive changes since we arrived and nothing we were promised has worked out. I'm a very loyal person so finding this hard to get over. That's what had made me so unhappy here I think is the feeling of being out of control and having to fight all the time. Whereas actually living here is good and I like it, I can't get over why we gave up our life to work in this mess!

Go home. Seriously, life is short. I love moving and have lived all over the world. Some are fantastic and some just haven’t worked out. If I was only there for 2 years and things weren’t as promised, I would cut my losses.

I am in Germany, 18 months in. I don't want to stay here and feel trapped and miserable. Have made an effort to make friends but it just makes me feel sad as I don't feel much connection. If I had to leave tomorrow there is nothing at all I would miss.
If you don't like Australia then do your 2 years and go home. Life is too short to miss people and your home.
I am here permanently unless I want to break up my relationship and I can't tell you how bad I feel.

Wow rayray that's sounds really tough you just have amazing strength!!

I think I was feeling a victim of our circumstance with Work, whereas now my confidence has returned a bit I can approach things with a more positive viewpoint. It's still pretty horrendous and nothing has changed but we are here now, and we've got to try and find some joy somewhere right?

Yes that's all you can do. But use the time to decide if you really want to stay forever