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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

DH hates it here.

5 replies

colorao · 03/08/2018 16:15

We have been living in mainland Europe for 6 months now. My parents live here and I have always wanted to move back here (I am British, my parents moved here when I went to uni so I have spent extended periods of time living and working here previously), DH agreed that he thought it would be better lifestyle change for all of us and we bought a house back in 2016, but only made the move in December of 2017.

Our children have settled really well, the eldest vocalises how much he prefers it here frequently. I love it here, the culture, the lifestyle and my job.

DH is self-employed but basically just pays in to the system at the moment to keep him in the healthcare system, and is focused on renovating our property. After that he will work in the trade he is qualified in.

The house is a bone of contention. Once again I love it BUT it has turned out to be more work than we thought. As is the case with many renovation projects. We have the money to do it but it will leave us with less in the pot obviously.

I speak the language, the children are picking it up quickly and my husband doesn´t speak the language but was going to lessons. However he packed them in as he said it was moving too quickly for him to learn anything.

Recently DH has repeatedly brought up the fact that we will never earn the same amount as we did back in the UK. This is true, but when we were planning the move this was taken in to consideration. Cost of living here is much lower and we do not have a mortgage. This now seems to be another bone of contention. He has said in anger that the house was a mistake and we should have waited until we were here to buy something. I acknowledged that this is true, however we didn´t do this so I don´t see any point in dwelling on it.

I think to cut a long story short, he wants to go back to what he knows (and allegedly hated) and the comfort of the UK. He wants to renovate the house to a decent level and sell it. He keeps saying I wouldn´t have to work back in the UK (true), but I don´t want to be a SAHM especially when the kids are at school now. I did that when they were younger and I have really enjoyed working again, even if I am slightly further down the career ladder than I was in the UK pre-children.

Has anyone ever experienced something similar? Did your DP settle?

We haven´t even lived in our house over here yet and already this flares up weekly!

I swing from thinking I am selfish to looking at houses and jobs back in the UK!

OP posts:
ToEarlyForDecorations · 03/08/2018 16:18

I was in this situation, or a similar situation at least. I moved to my husband's country. Long story short, we came home after nearly six years.

ItLooksABitOff · 03/08/2018 20:15

6 months is a very short time imo. He's probably still dealing with the culture shock.

OlennasWimple · 04/08/2018 15:06

He needs to find another way to learn the language, surely? Private tutor?

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/08/2018 15:14

I was your DH. Loathed and detested it for a long time. Ten years later I love living here and am so happy we're not dealing with Brexit, crime, stress, all the stuff I had in London. But it took a long time, it also took a lot of understanding from DH. He really listened and entertained moving back and we looked into it. He didn't shut me down.

Read up on culture shock. And maybe Rosetta Stone or something for the language?

sayatika · 04/08/2018 18:04

I agree that 6 months is quite short time. However, I was your DH. I didn't hate it I was just very lonely and unable to work. Stuck it out for 5 years and now we have a hybrid life of homes in both countries, DH works in one and I in the other, the DC are back in UK schools (very happy) and we (mostly him) flit between the two.

Originally just DH spoke the language but after a couple of years we all did, so it wasn't that. I've just spent a couple of weeks there and whilst I appreciate everything it has to offer, I find living in the UK so much easier and a lot more fun, and so do the DC.

Ours makes for an interesting life but it is unfair for one person, or any person, to be unhappy. Life is too short for that and there is always a compromise.

And doing up houses in Europe is a bottomless pit. I know, we have 2 of them. One of them took 10 years and I've just spent 2 weeks "on holiday" there and spent the whole time doing stuff to it!

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