My dc are miserable

[Goosegettingfat]

We are only 3 months in, they are v little (5 and 7) and don't speak the language. I speak it basically and have been supporting them in this. The school have been below what I would have hoped for in terms of pastoral care and support. Dc have not made friends at all and are very sad. It's breaking my heart. Drop off time is a large window of time so I hardly see any other mums to try to build bridges with, and the ones I do see are polite but busy. I have found after school clubs for us to go to together but they don't want to, and I can understand their feelings. Any tips?

It sounds really, really tough but I would stick with it if it's only been 3 months. I think that you yourself should go hell for leather with the German as it will really help with getting to know other mothers. Get an old-fashioned book-and-CD course if you can't afford a class and go for it every day on your own. I've heard good things about the Michel Thomas courses.

Your DCs are so little that you will probably find that they're very good German speakers after a year or so without the need for additional classes. The problem seems to be that they're not being included by the other DCs at school, which obviously is going to help neither their social wellbeing nor their German language skills. Are you able to communicate with the teachers to discuss it with them or is the language an issue there too? At that age the teachers absolutely should be ensuring that all DC are included and no-one is wandering the playground alone.

Hey Goose, sorry to hear things are tough right now, it was for us at that point.

We moved last August, each of my boys had their own difficulties with school / Kindergarten, their language wasn't doing too well at the 3 month mark and kindergarten age DS just hated it and became bored.

8/9 months later they have made friends, German has improved massively and they seem far more settled. Do try to give it time, I know it seems easy to say. I'm in München, are you far from the city?

Is this your first overseas move?

the reason I ask is that I have found the 3-6 month period really hard: you're not brand new any more, so people stop emailing "hey, how are you getting on over there", teachers won't necessarily think of your DC as "the new ones", you have a veneer of normality...but actually you very much are still new, and also perhaps feeling that you ought to be better settled in than you are

Have you looked online for kids language courses? Any favourite books you buy in translation?

Just move back! Life’s too short for everyone to be so miserable unnecessarily. DH can fly back and forth at the weekends.

Usually I am in favour of toughing out the early stages of a move but if it is so difficult given it is for such a short time I would seriously be considering moving back. My DH did one posting in Belguim for two years and we didn't go. It worked fine, but his work were supportive.

If you are there for 14 months only, despite what people love to tell you about picking up the language in 3 months, it is unlikely you will become fluent in German during that time and neither will your DC. Most DC in immersion can take 6-12 months of just listening before they start to speak so really what are your DC going to get out of it if they are miserable? In your situation, and with hindsight because I have been there, I would come home or take the DC out of school and home educate. You say it is illegal but are you actually residents? Are you getting state benefits etc? Surely there are ways around it. One of my DC is still suffering the effects of our experience which was similar to yours. I hope you find a solution.

We’ve emigrated to an English speaking country and my eldest was 6 on arrival. He was dreadfully unhappy for months. We toughen it out because this is a permanent move for us.

In your situation I’d have absolutely no hesitation in going back and doing weekend visits. If my son hadn’t been able to speak the language in addition to everything else he’d have been bloody traumatised.

German isn’t even a particularly useful second language long term and they’ll forget it all anyway unless you consider obey to keep speaking it when you return.

I’m sorry you’re in this situation but if funds allow (or even if you have to plea to grandparents for help), I’d just take them home.

Don't know if anyone's suggested this but youtube has loads of kiddie cartoons in different languages, including silly songs etc. If they watched some really toddler stuff, designed to help german babies and toddlers develop their language, they might pick a bit up (or local kiddie telly? Something to ask local parents- what do/did their kids enjoy?)

Although I must say in your situation Id be contemplating moving back, too.

Can you advertise on Facebook for someone wanting to improve their English in exchange for helping you with your German? Student, pensioner, who cares, its interaction and you might just make a friend. Best of luck, 14 months will pass quicker than you think.