Returning to UK

[farangatang]

With kids heading up to University age and a dependent spouse who can't get a job where we live, we find ourselves having to consider returning to the UK.
Kids are quite excited and spouse happy to have the chance to work, but with Brexit, the cost of living and the dire weather, I'm struggling to feel positive about it. It could be temporary (until children are in University) but what suggestions do fellow Mumsnetters have in the meantime to improve my attitude?!!

hopeful 'bump'
Does no-one have anything positive to say about the UK??!!

I think more info would be needed before I can answer really. Have you made a list of positives and negatives about where you are and the advantages/disadvantages to moving back? For example do you have lots of family in UK that you are close to? How are your children enjoying where you are? In fact - where are you?

Where would you be hoping to move to in the UK?

And where are you now?

When you say heading up to university age would they do A levels in the UK or the equivalent in your country? I believe (but might be wrong) that if you come back to the UK just as they are heading to university then they would not be eligable for student loans so you would have to pay the tuition fees.

The UK is fine. Not perfect, but the spring flowers are starting to appear. Most of the large cities have fantastic theatre/music/art.

Most people are friendly and helpful.

Well if they do three years in school in the UK before uni they are eligible for student loans. Otherwise they will have to find it another way/you will have to pay....

I moved back recently after 12 years away and while the first few months were hard (I am here on my own as husband still working abroad, but now in a dangerous country), it has gradually got better and better as I have made friends and got out and about.

Now Spring is on its way and I'm ridiculously excited to be watching daffodils come up. When I see my first lamb I will explode with happiness!

*have to fund it another way

lostlemon Family is all over the world, so no particular draw for us. Kids were born and bred in UK and we're going back to our house. I've made a list of the positives and negatives, and the positives are mainly for the other members of the family - my negatives outweigh the positives by a LONG shot.

Plenty of friends here have organised 'home fees' for their kids, some of whom have never even lived in the UK, but I don't want to take the risk.

Thanks for the encouragement Chopsticks. We've not been away for anywhere near as long as you, so it's not like I have to rebuild social networks.

I guess when we moved we were all looking forward to the lovely lifestyle, weather and proper work-life balance, but when my husband lost his job (that he could actually do here) that got taken away from us, and I really feel like we're being forced into the situation, and not having much choice. That's the hardest thing. That, and the fact that now I am the one without a job to go to yet!

Guess I need reminding about what makes the UK/London really appealing so I can overlook the fact it's not a 'choice' to return. Sadly there aren't many lambs in London!

Where are you?

'Dire weather.'Unless you choose to live in one of the classic damp spots ( lakes, Pennines, cornwall etc), the murk of london or like scorching heat, cyclones, endless humidity, very low temperatures ( not sure where you are now) - then not sure what the problem is.

High cost of living - again, where are you now?

Ah, it is London.oh well.

lostlemom Currently I live somewhere that has all the benefits of a city, the temperature rarely gets below 20 degrees, beaches / islands / other cities are within either a few hours' drive or short flights away, there's fantastic food, a 5 minute commute to work, great school for my children, affordable 5* hotels both for meals and accommodation (cheaper than Travelodges back home!), cheap cinema tickets, super cheap transportation, many locals are English speakers which helps with communication, cheap internet, water and mobile phone bills, subsidised rent, a good salary, access to the main music/show international tours and excellent medical facilities (with health insurance).

Can anyone guess?

It is also rather chaotic and dirty in places with erratic bureaucracy and systemic racism. But I fear that might be true of parts of the UK, too!

special I was hoping someone could make me feel BETTER about returning, not worse! And my list is much longer than yours...

I can probably guess where you are.

All I can say in encouragement, although you really seem to love where you are, is that I returned to UK in the summer with 3 DC all at secondary school from a so-called idyllic place and it's the best thing we could possibly have done. Yes the weather is a bit crap but we don't really notice it because we live in a brilliant part of the country and everyone is so busy and so happy.

I hope it works out for you all. Tough when you don't want to leave.

To be honest this is poor timing really, but if you must return soon then perhaps do it ASAP while the economy is still alive and unemployment rate is still low.

Sounds like Dubai?

Thanks Ancient - the kids are definitely looking forward to it and not being the rare caucasians in their school! It's encouraging to hear you've found it a good decision.

not Dubai LondonMum but I can see why you'd guess that - bit further afield though...

the kids are definitely looking forward to it and not being the rare caucasians in their school!

Just to spare the children a possible disappointment, which part of the UK are you looking to move to? Some areas can be quite diverse.

When you read my post please bear in mind that I:
a. have a tendency to be a pessimist
b. I watch the news/keep up with current affairs a bit too much
c. things are not that great for me right at this moment....

We returned the UK about 18 months ago. Despite wanting to return for quite a while when we actually came to make the final decision it was a difficult one. The way I feel right now, it was the wrong one.

I'm guessing you are in Malaysia? We were only away for 5 years however I have noticed a big change here since returning. That along with the fact that my children are obviously 5 years older and therefore at a different stage of schooling has really hit me.

I love the UK, I'm very British however the country has, in my view, gone really down hill. There doesn't seem to have been any investment in insfrastructure and services are being cut e.g. NHS is absolutely on its knees,the roads are a mess, ridden with pot holes. One of my reason for wanting to return was schooling however that has also been a shock - it's just constant testing testing testing, I have a one very unhappy DC.

The other thing that has really hit us is the number of people. I don't live in a city but everywhere is jammed but that's probably because we were used to space and no crowds!

The weather is getting brighter and spring is springing up everywhere however the winter has been crap - cold and rain, again really hit us this year. Anyway I'm sounding uber negative so need to shut up!

As regards your children - what about their friends, are they at an age where it will be difficult to start again? What uni options do you have locally? Again not sure where you are but what about other overseas unis?

We lived abroad for six years and have now been back for almost two. I've never been happier. I love this country. I love the fact that we talk to each other. I can go out for a paper and return several hours later having chatted with people all along my way. 😁

Even if it's just half a dozen conversations about the terrible winter we are having and when is spring coming? 😁

Where we were you paid for everything (healthcare, dentistry etc) and it's a pleasure to walk into the dentist/doctors not worrying how much this trip is going to cost. I am so grateful for our (admittedly struggling in some places) NHS and will fight for it. Having seen the struggle of some people to afford just basic healthcare it made me very angry that they had to budget to see a doctor etc.

We also returned to our family home. We took time on our return to redo kitchen and bathrooms etc and had it painted and re carpeted before we flew back. It's like having a new house but familiar.

I love catching up with friends and family when I want too and I enjoy just meeting new people. Brits love to talk. I missed that so much when I was abroad. There was very little day to day chat when out and about.

I love pubs and restaurants here. I think service is better too.

But most of all I love our ever changing weather, our glorious countryside and our historic towns and cities. I can say hand on heart that every time I go over the Kingston Bridge and see Glasgow all around me, a tear comes to my eye and I say in my head, HOME!! I'm home. It's wonderful and truly humbling to feel routed to my country. I never ever once felt like that abroad. Never had the attachment.

I wish you and yours all the best. The world is an ever changing place and I don't think there is ever a right time to make a move. It's all about hopes and dreams and expectations. Make the best of it and it'll all come good. Of that I'm sure.

Good luck. 💐🥂🍾

We've boomeranged - went back to the UK with the kids a few years ago, stayed a couple, and left again (unplanned - just an offer that was too good to miss), and TBH, most places are just fine and there's nothing wrong with them - good stuff and bad stuff.

I do remember the second year we were back was the year where there was literally 1 week of good weather and it rained until July (unlike the previous year when we were still sitting outside in November) - which is the trouble with the UK - really unreliable weather!

BUT on my list of things I enjoy about the UK is: I don't have to think about things - because I'm from there, all the little stuff is easy, same language etc. UK Supermarkets and Boots are fantastic (although Watsons in Singapore is also great - but in a different way) - in fact, obtaining 'stuff' in the UK is so easy, and the choice is huge. Amazon Prime. BBC (less important for you, but mine are young enough for CBEEBIES). I do love the green, and the mild weather (most of the time), and the facilities, and that so much stuff is free (having just been stung for 58quid to take 2 kids and me round a very sad zoo in Rome, after nearly 20 Euros to look at a few rooms of paintings).

What I don't like is when you're getting to February and it's grey and feels like winter will never end. The pokey houses and expensive electricity, the interminable separating of rubbish, and having to try everywhere until you find a decent chinese restaurant. Oh, and the cost of parking or public transport.

Susimoo just reminded me. Beer. God I miss a proper pint. I like lager I really do, but a nice, cool not cold pint of brown, only slightly sparkling ale is what I really, really miss. And fish and chips. And good hard cheese.

Do you have jobs lined up already?
The jobs market is dire, mostly hidden at the moment by out of contract free lancers, but people are starting to close their businesses.
Professional jobs outside London haven't ever been this bad in the past 20 years.

Having to separate rubbish? So hard.... Just generate less. Your kids are the generation that will suffer from your mess.

swivel and Susimoo thanks for your positivity - Amazon is indeed a big plus because at the moment I order stuff and have to wait until someone visits to bring it over!
lostlemom you're close, but we're in another part of SE Asia, not Malaysia (though eating out and cinema is even cheaper in KL than here)
LondonMum8 the school the kids are going to has at least 2 or 3 other caucasians in their yeargroups, so an improvement. I realise this comes across as sounding really racist, but I didn't realise how excluded the children felt by all of their year-group speaking another common language than English, or how self-conscious my youngest teen would become about her perfectly-average and healthy height, weight and skin/hair colour when surrounded by an entire peer group who are smaller and darker than she. It has led to some severe body dysmorphia which we will have to unpick back in the UK (this is despite many of her peers being great friends - its a complication we didn't expect when moving to a primarily local school population). It's a different kind of 'diversity' to London, where there is a wider range of nationalities and language groups within the one school. She now has a far greater empathy for others who might have experienced the same 'extreme difference' to their school peer group.

The decision has been made because it suits 3 out of the 4 of us, so I can't keep hoping the factors that led to it will go away. I just have to enjoy what we have here for the next few months and keep reminding myself it doesn't have to be forever. And look forward to being able to spend more time with friends who currently only connect electronically. And living together as a family again after DH has been working back in London for over a year now...

Have you tried another country - Oz, NZ? Have you looked into schools in the UK - all the good ones are jammed and even if you are in catchment you might not get them in (we couldn't). Private is eyewateringly expensive and also full! There's a thread over on AIBU re someone wanted to return from NZ, you might find it interesting. Good luck.

I appreciate your thought process lostlemon and have been through it endlessly - UK is the only 'choice' for us : Husband already working there, we have a house, the kids have places at their chosen school (yes, it's private but fortunately DD1 has scholarships to help), eldest has sights set on a UK university so we need home fees, and I never want to live in Australia again, letalone NZ (and there are a few other personal reasons which would be even more 'outing' if I mentioned them!).

Unfortunately, the thread about returning to the UK from NZ is very negative and basically warns the OP off the idea!

Perhaps it is the feeling that I don't have a choice is what is most depressing and not the UK itself...?

Sorry if I'm coming across as a whining ungrateful person - I do appreciate all the thoughts and suggestions, and maybe with such low expectations, I'll be pleasantly surprised!