Tales of Christmas woe. Have a little moan with me

[Newyearnewbrain]

Now I know this is a very minor thing but I'm just going to have a little moan so please indulge me.

We've lived away since the DC were born 6 years ago and since that time have spent every Christmas in the UK with one set of inlaws or another.

It gets to this point in the year again and i realise we still have never had Christmas just us. We have zero traditions, unless you count finding stuff in the bottom of a suitcase!

I am hugely grateful for being put up by family and cooked for on Christmas Day and I hope we show our appreciation properly but isn't this just the downside of expat life?

We feel too guilty to refuse the invitation as we have elderly parents and the guilt fest laid on by other family and friends.

Time to pull up my reindeer themed big girl pants and get on with it I suppose.
Anyone else feel the same? Christmas puns welcome.

Yes my mother. We ignore her. Over got enough problems. I don't need to add to them. The reason she doesn't want to visit is because she doesn't like DH. Wouldn't matter who I marry so I'm not going to tolerate her irrational behavior.

Since moving away in 2008 we've not been back to the U.K. For Christmas- we alternate years with my parents and DHs - if they choose to come that's fine, if they don't they don't but that doesn't mean they don't try to say "we didn't come last year so can we come this time" we've had a few christmasses on our own lately, which DH doesn't mine but for me is just a Sunday with presents. But we've also managed to establish our own traditions over the last few years which has been nice. DC are 13,10 and 7 so we may consider a U.K. Christmas in a few years on e all the presents are smaller 😉😉

Very similar to doradoo. We've been abroad since 2007 and have never gone back to the UK for Christmas mainly because of the expense. Plus I live in New England and it's usually snowy and beautiful here.

After 9 years here I did finally talk my parents into coming here for Christmas, and it was absolutely wonderful.

I actually do really miss Christmas with our families. DH has 3 brothers and 6 nieces/nephews, and we all used to get together. But $5000 in flights for a 1 week holiday... nah.

And actually I see this as one of the advantages of being an expat. No family obligations - you can make your own traditions and do your own thing.

We alternate so we go home one year and then go somewhere else the next ( last year we went to Australia). This year we're going back via Lapland so we have a little family holiday before we hit hardcore Christmas. We're also lucky in that we rent our house out by the week so we can always have it at Christmas if we want it.

We can't afford it, it's a handy excuse. In the last 9yrs we've been to my home country twice, and DHs home country 3 times. We have to Save up for next year as both me and my bro have new babies we need to meet/introduce. We'll see.

Funny really.. it’s Christmas.. in the 10 years we have been in Australia we have spent Xmas with friends! My mum has been over for one Xmas.
It’s family time, yes, our little family. I’m a nurse. I often work Xmas. If I announced I was hearing back to Europe every year I would be unemployed!
In fact I think both of us can think of little worse than family rows at Christmas.
It is however lovely that you can go back, enjoy the time then, and have quality time.
Remember elderly relatives tend to live s whole lot longer than often we expect. So anticipate that they will reach a good 90 plus years. Certainly in today’s society 80 is no longer deemed old. There are many very active 80 plus year olds!

We were overseas for 12 years and never once went back for Christmas. Trips home in the summer were stressful enough, dashing around the country to visit everyone, and we couldn't face doing in the cold, dark December days as well, so Christmas was when we had an actual holiday - sometimes away for Christmas itself, sometimes just for New Year/early January.

Before leaving the UK, we had alternated between DH's parents and mine (Christmas with one, New Year with the other set - they lived at opposite ends of the country) and I have to admit I was glad not to have to do another Christmas with the ILs - they were perfectly nice but had very different ideas about Christmas, food, alcohol, religion etc and it was never very relaxing being there. Being thousands of miles away was a good excuse to get out of it...

We stayed at home for Christmas 2 years ago. It was lovely. We didn't go to a big hotel brunch, didn't invite any waifs or strays for lunch. We just opened presents, drank bubbles, kids played all day, we watched Christmassy things that had be shown on Christmas Eve in the UK. It was bliss!

If having your own place would help, maybe look at holiday cottages or Airbnb. I am toying with doing the same - we are planning to go back for Christmas (I'm slightly dreading it as my family are in the south east and the in laws in Scotland so it isn't going to be relaxing) - but my parents' house is so full of stuff the ugly of the five of us squeezing in, plus stuff, is not appealing

We refuse to leave home at Christmas. We last did it with our oldest 2 when they were 5 and 1, stayed with the inlaws. It was terrible!

We've lived overseas since 2001 and never once been back for Christmas. There is a standing invitation that anyone who wants to visit can - this year will be the 5th time that anyone has been for Christmas. Otherwise it's just us. Before the dc, we usually went away. Since the dc, we make sure we're at home on actual Christmas Eve/Day but we usually holiday before or after that. Works for us.

We dream of having a Christmas just the four of us but I don’t think we could make it happen without serious family upset.

My PILs are coming out to us for Christmas again. They hate that we are in the states but love having the DC to themselves at Christmas (in the UK they have to share with my parents)

The kids would actually prefer if it was just us.

We never go home at Christmas, but to honest find trips home in the summer equally exhausting and stressful. We’re currently trying to work out how we could manage things better next summer.

I never visit at Christmas, been away nine years now.
Wild horses wouldn’t drag me away from summer into the dark gloom of British wintertime.

Easter is a much nicer time to visit, kids are on holidays, the weather is brighter (perhaps not much warmer) and the days are nice and long.

Family are welcome to visit us in the warm place at Christmas open door policy. None of them ever bother

Since moving to Australia eleven years ago, all our Christmases have been here, about 50% of the time with overseas visitors.

DH died last year and this year will be the first Christmas ever spent outside the family circle, with Pom friends nearby, our visitor and whatever blow-ins turn up.

I'm in charge of the puddings.

ECHT to you and your first Christmas without DH.**

As a PP said about family visiting, mine couldn’t afford it really and it’s a bloody long way.* Both sets also have over GC in the U.K. so the expectation is definitely on us to go there.*

Unexpected bolding fail

Trucking back every Christmas sounds difficult. Your H is the one who needs to put the adult reindeer pants on and consider your (and the DCs’) wishes.

We’re currently trying to work out how we could manage things better next summer.

If possible, have your own place to stay. My sister was massively put out when we started renting our own cottage/apartment rather than all 5 of us sleeping in her spare bedroom but I didn't care. It made all the difference to have our own place. Also if you can tag a real holiday (going off to Scotland for a few days or Ireland or whatever) at the end it makes it more of a holiday)

pallisers I think you might be right, although the Grandparents will be unhappy.