To expat or not

[wiltedwisteria]

Bugger. I've just been offered a new job, in New York. It's a great job with my existing company, but have also got a good on the table here in London. Trouble is we feel really settled here, just moved to the forever house and got DC1 into a nursery with feeder school which will really suit her. It's not all plain sailing - we're both struggling with balancing both DH and I working full time and DJ doesn't love his job. We also want another DC (soon, I have a milestone birthdays very soon). If we went to NY DC wouldn't work but moving countries, role, DH becoming a house husband and trying for another baby (especially with US rubbish maternity leave) all seems a bit much. Any views from those who have made a life abroad ? I have lived in the US previously but nearly 20 years ago

There's lots of threads in here about moving to the US, which will give you a flavor of what to consider in regards to moving, costs etc

I moved to NYC in 2011; I'm now married with a kid, living in the burbs and its a very very different experience than being in the UK ( I find it incredibly conservative in parts, even in NY)

It would likely give you a different trajectory than in the UK - as you say, maternity leave is minimal at best, and the cost of health care alone (including maternity cover) would make me stop and think, unless you work for a big multinational who tend to be a bit more generous with packages.

Ime, its still v rare to see sahm full time dads (could well be my area tho) and we've found the cost of daycare and drop in classes (weekly music or movement etc) pretty eye watering. I would say that unless you're earning a ton on one salary, being in NYC or the burbs within commuting distance (so an hour or so each way) would be quite difficult.

One thing to note - if its a job with your existing company, if its not a permanent move, you could see if you could get an ex pat package - these are different T&cs to the local contract, and are usually generous with vacation time, flights home etc.

On the flip of this, if you're coming on a work visa, and you're on a local NY contract, then its a two week notice period (max) each way between employer and employee. If you get let go (for whatever reason) it gives you scant time to leave the country, as per visa conditions

Thanks Missmilla1 that's really helpful. I am hoping we will be ok on costs, my pay in dollars will be about equivalent to our joint income in pounds and once higher US rental/ costs of renting our house in the U.K. And US healthcare costs are factored in we should have about $6,000 for bills (other than rent and healthcare) and living expenses. Does that seem ok?

How did you find the impact of moving (sounds like you did it pre kids)? I am just worried that new country, new job for me plus SAHD role for DH plus new baby is too much? How did you find 4 months maternity leave? I've always shared my leave with DH, but 4 months seems so little, but then it's the opportunity to have one parent as a SAH....

The cost of living is a difficult one as it depends on where you live, whether you buy or rent (if you buy you pay property taxes, rentals you don't etc) , what your lifestyle is etc! I find it more expensive here for groceries and utilities as the latter there is no competition so you can't shop around for the best deal, like in the UK

There's been a couple of discussions on this board before, and a couple of us were in the same ball park on monthly costs for a family in the NY / NJ area, all in it was needing take home pay of 8-10k a month which included mortgage or rent to be comfortable (altho I know some people would baulk at this)

If you have a DC already, I'd be looking to factor in the cost of a private school or moving to an area with a decent public (same as a UK state school) school as there's a definite correlation between cost of housing and school district

Regarding getting pregnant, I think it might be a shock in regards to how little you get here. Unless you work for a more enlightened company (and its changing but slowly) 4 months leave is pretty unusual.

You don't get SMP or even actually maternity pay - getting pregnant and giving birth is classed as a short term disability

In NY and some other states, there is a law that you can take 12 weeks for family medical leave (FMLA) covering pregnancy and still have a job to come back to, however this is unpaid leave. Your pregnancy and paid leave is covered by short term disability insurance, the coverage of which depends on your employer and insurance plan.

I got a heady 8 weeks paid (not 100%) leave as I had a section. I then took 4 weeks unpaid leave on FMLA and then another 12 weeks unpaid sabbatical leave. However I'd been with my company 7+ years and I negotiated with my manager. This left me wide open tho to getting fired whilst I was off, with no comeback (didn't happen, but it can)

However, this is all due to change next year with the intro of a paid leave law in NYC. Only covers 8 weeks paid leave tho at 55% pay, so nit great if you already qualify for that - here's more info for you www.ny.gov/new-york-state-paid-family-leave/paid-family-leave-how-it-works

All of this ^ tho will depend on you being with the firm for at least 26 weeks (I think) before getting preggers

One thing worth grilling your company about, is what visa you'd be on. Worth flagging as if its an L1 (specialized professional visa) they're much quicker to give them out, and allows a spouse to work

H1B are more common but run through a lottery system at certain points in the year - not sure about spouse working