Moving to Corpus Christi Texas!

[weechops]

Does anyone live here or even in Texas who could give me some advice or reassurance?

My husband has a job offer which will last approximately 6 years. So he wants us all to go with him. We have 4 kids - 11,7,3,8 months.

I'm really apprehensive. Big worry is how we will cope with the heat! Also schools- how do they work for each age?

actually my head is a bit of a mess! Has anyone gone and loved it?

Very true, it's actually relatively easy to navigate by car in Texas. The highways have very fast speed limits (compared to my northern urban home) and every highway has this lovely thing called "frontage roads". It's an entrance road that usually runs the length of a highway, and has turnabouts at every entrance which means if you miss your on ramp, you just keep going on the frontage road until you reach the next one.

When my dad came to visit he misread "frontage road" and thought it said "fromage road". They have been forevermore referred to a the Cheese Roads.

I personally find Texas drivers (with the exception of those in Dallas/Fort Worth or especially Houston) to be much less aggressive than drivers in LA or Seattle.

See, I don't hate everything about Texas. I like the Cheese Roads and the drivers that wave thank you!

Just to be an ass, because that's my natural state, here's a snap of the lovely creature I stomped on this morning in my living room, and a truly gorgeous tarantula that visited my work. Tarantulas are actually quite gentle and eat the nasty bugs we hate. Tarantulas are your friend in Texas.

HAHA! I remember driving (well, riding as a passenger) along one of the big motorways and seeing several signs pointing to Frontage Road. I just kept wondering what kind of mental, confusing, winding, long road this Frontage must have been to keep showing up to cross the motorway every few miles!!

Oo JWrecks thank you, I will pm you if that's ok once I have a few Qs?

OP hope your marital situation improves when you are out there, who knows maybe you will pull together and support each other. But I agree make sure you know what your rights are and that you can leave with your kids if you need to (think I read upthread that after 6 months you wouldn't be able to leave as easily).

Bloody hell Panda!!!! that's going to infest my dreams tonight that is

Need to google pest control and fumigation protocols now

Aaaghhh I close my eyes and all I can see is the chugging tarantula!

Absolutely, feel free Mowglik! Just prepare yourself for a novel, hehe. As clearly demonstrated here, brevity is not my strong suit!

OH Yes, those nightmare photos remind me! Most Texans have a "bug guy". There are loads of companies that do pest control and will come to your house on a regular schedule and spray for bugs. It's a service that's well worth the money, and generally affordable anyway.

I think I'd be staying in Scotland.

Ohhhh bloody hell panda what kind of bug was that in your house?? Weirdly I don't mind the tarantula
Frontage road sounds good to me! I'm often found going ohhhhh shit as I zoom past my cutoff.
I'm actually driving an automatic just now for the first time and I really like it! I'll ask dh more about the budgets and allowances we get to see if anything is specific to getting s car.
Looking at January time for us going, but probably next month for dh. Need to start getting more details from them I think !

American freeways (highways) are not like British motorways, ime. American freeways are much much easier to drive on.

The rules on British motorways are more rigid which means bizarrely that people look around less & take less care and don't let you change into their lane, there are fewer exits, people drive much faster in Britain, the lanes can be narrower, etc.

Bear in mind that you will have no US credit history and that will make leasing a car very difficult/expensive. (Also make landlords nervous/insurance expensive/difficult to get mobile phone contract/have to pay large deposits for utilities).

I know zilch about Texas but am in awe of all the amazing information and advice you've been given here op. It's a fascinating read!

I think the company give us a person ( well not to keep!) who helps to find house/advises on schools and I guess car/utilities and things like that. They constantly have people like us doing this for the first time so hopefully it'll be relatively simple.
I'm going to worry about moving extra stuff we need another day like kids toys, the cot, and everything else that I wouldn't usually put in a suitcase!

💐💐 for you for having to cope with all of this

But
I'd caution you to consider this decision very carefully in light of your current relationship issues. I moved here for the benefit of my husband and to make a fresh start as my marriage was struggling as well. I've been unable to leave since splitting with him unless I give him full custody and leave without my child.

Read and read again. You'd be mad to make this move. It would be hugely hugely risky for you.

I may sound really dim here but ... is it risky for me because of the risk of dh wanting to split while we are away?
I may be slightly naive but I know or I'm sure as can be, he definitely wants our marriage to work. He has no idea I still wonder if I can be with him long term. He thinks we are through the worst and I am getting over it. I'm not daft enough to be totally open any more.
He did say he'd not go if I wasn't willing to go too but realistically there's no work here for him and we're struggling financially.
Even a years work for him there would help massively.
He's made it clear if we hate it then hed come home too after a year, he has no interest in being without us again.
As I said before I don't know if I believe that. He got used to the single life pretty quickly last time he was away. Think it's a bit out of sight out of mind. Although I hope I'm wrong.
I absolutely appreciate all your comments and advise and I'm absolutely going to go with s plan and protect myself.

Weechops it's a scorpion, they are a very common household pest in Texas

OP - see a solicitor who specializes in international family law to draw up an agreement before you go. I can't emphasize that enough. I'd think to make your case stronger, You'll need to show something that yours and the children's primary residence is the uk.

As I said, stbx said he wanted to stay together, loves me still blah blah blah but is still screwing me over now.

If you're talking about one of the biggest oil companies, also be aware that they will give you ZERO help in the case you do split. In fact they won't even speak to you because you are not the employee. They will not help you if you become stuck here.

We still want to trust those we love. There's trust and there's protecting yourself in something so so so important. Your DH can swear til the cows come home that he won't screw you over but you've no guarantee. And you can't afford not to have that guarantee. Believe me. From extremely painful experience.

Re driving. I've driven in 4 different countries now in several locations (UK, Canada, US and Caribbean). Texas is the WORST driving i've seen anywhere. and that even beats driving in London. In the two years I've been here, I've been rear ended twice - both times at a standstill (i.e. stop sign or traffic light). In her first year here, my friend's car was totalled by rear ending while she was stopped in traffic in and someone hit her from behind at full highway speed (65mph ish) and she is still suffering from injuries now. I usually pay to take our toll road instead of the highway, as the highway traffic is so heavy and accidents all day every day. There is actually a sign on our stretch of highway telling you how many people have died each year in the next X number of miles as it's one of the most deadly roads in the state - the number is in the 1000s. Corpus Christi itself is probably not too bad especially if you are staying local, but be careful driving nearer the bigger cities.

'He had an affair last year while working abroad and I was at home heavily pregnant. I found out and my life crumbled.
The marriage is limping on with me hoping I can rekindle the love and trust, but I honestly don't think I can. Shitty thing is im stay at home mum, no job, no real qualifications, no family, no money of my own.
He's presenting this as the fresh start we need and I guess I feel it's my last chance to try. '

NO NO NO NO NO! Even with solicitor's agreements, his agreement, blah blah blah. You can potentially be forced to leave the country without your children . Just NO. Your last chance to try involves you moving across the world and being completely dependent on someone you can't trust? Absolutely not and if he tries to make you feel guilty about it, for not 'giving it a chance' or any other bollocks, you remind him that he is the one who destroyed it so he is the one who should be doing all the work to repair things.

NFW! And I say that as someone from Houston, whose entire family is there or in San Antonio, who goes there with my kids every Summer, a dual national, drives there, works there, etc.

Having done the reverse and come to the UK because I really wanted to, wanted to be here, love it here, chose it specifically, etc. I can tell you it was very, very very hard in the beginning years. It was a big adjustment and I'd lived in various places in the world. But to expatriate to a place where I hadn't particularly chosen, to be with a cheating spouse I couldn't truly trust, with so many kids and in a place where no matter what, I might not be able to leave with the kids? NFW!

I wouldn't dream of doing this. He's once again making you do all the work, make all the sacrifices. He's the one who should be doing that.

I love Texas, it's my home state, but I wouldn't recommend your going there under the circumstances. I've got several friends what happened to Panda happened to them, and they were all dual nationals! Husband cheated in the US, marriage broke down after he swore she could go back with the kids blah blah blah and then guess what? And luckily, all these women were dual nationals and could stay in the States and work in their own right.

Being a new expat can be very lonely and isolating, especially outside of major cities, IME (I was in one at first and then we moved to a smaller place but I'd already been here for years), but combining that with a marriage where one party is trying to shore it all up is a recipe for disaster.

I feel very lucky that I'm a US citizen in my situation, I at least could legally get a job, buy a car, rent a house. I am feeling genuine fear for you if you decide to do this; I too thought my husband was a loving, reasonable person. Until I was 2000 miles from home and suddenly he wasn't a loving, reasonable person anymore.

Moving long-haul is a lot like having a baby to save a marriage. All it does is introduce new stresses and isolate you.

Having read your account of your H cheating and the fact that your marriage is crumbling -
PLEASE do not move abroad for any length of time with him.

Changing location will NOT change this man. The fact that he suggests 'new start, new place' is ringing huge alarm bells for me. This is not a grown up you are dealing with, and not someone willing to get real and confront his own behaviour.

Stay in the UK. Get counseling for yourself. Make him go to counseling too. Get marriage counseling. Make him pay for an OU course for you. Get a qualification.

Get divorced if you feel ultimately that your relationship has changed so much that you are reeling. People do it with very little in the bank.

But do not place your entire life in his hands, which is what you are doing if you leave the UK with him as the breadwinner, thanks to the Hague Convention.

I completely agree, Panda. The OP would be utterly dependent on him with no safety net, NONE, and in a place without even good transport links. He'll have you right where he wants you, and you will have to go along with it. You can't believe him, you can't trust him, he's already betrayed you and instead of trying hard to rebuild things himself, this is what he comes up with. He will hold all the cards. This is actually chilling to read. You and your children are better off in a hostel than there with him, at least you can access healthcare here to get counselling and benefits.

If you think you're stuffed now, try being in a foreign country where, without him, you have no legal right to anything, not even staying there, And believe you me, if he wants to, he can find a way to try to get you out without those kids and you will have no recourse to legal help, or any money.

He is to blame for the collapse of your marriage because he cheated and now he's doing nothing that will be of benefit to you to rebuild things.

The only fresh start you should be considering is life without him here in the UK where you can at least have recourse to benefits.

THIS ^^

Expat has just reminded me of something. You need to understand that when you're in the US, you are entirely on your own. There are few to no groups, government or otherwise, that will help you when you're in a bind here. If worse comes to worse for a mother and children there are emergency shelters, but they are short term only. In many, many ways the US is lacking in social care by comparison to the UK. For the most part, we're just on our own, period. If you fall on hard times, the most you're likely to get (as a citizen or certain visa-holders) is a small amount of money for food. Americans for the most part are very big on the whole "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" meaning figure our own shit out with minimal assistance.

I've been on MN for a long, long time and I've observed over the years that the UK takes care of it's people in a way that we don't here. I wouldn't base a decision entirely on this, but if there's even a small possibility of having to start out on your own here, you really should be aware that help is limited and the culture in general is fairly callous toward the individual. We're expected to sort our shit out on our own.

It sucks, really. I'm still heartbroken that Bernie didn't win.

Me too, Panda

Ok I've skimmed through as I'm putting snotty baby to sleep. I want to reply properly later but I just needed to say I've taken all this on board and basically took my head out the clouds. I'll be back ....