Really feeling the distance today

[MaitlandGirl]

Found out last night that for the past few months when I've had my weekly (sometimes twice a week chat) with my mum she's been deliberately keeping something from me.

It's nothing awful (no ones sick or anything) and it's to do with my brother so absolutely his right not to want me to know but I'm totally crushed.

There's nothing I can do to help the situation but I can't get past the fact Mum lied to me every time I spoke to her. I always ask how he is and she never said anything (because he didn't want her to).

It's just really made me feel the distance and for the first time in a long time I don't feel like Australia is home.

I can't and won't say anything to Mum as she's in an awkward enough situation but it really hurts.

Sorry to hear this, distance really amplifies things sometimes. Do you think she would have gone against your brothers wishes if you were in the same country though?

I would have known as we lived in the same small town before we emigrated so it would have been obvious. Sorry for being so obtuse but my brother is determined not to let anyone know so I can't go into more details.

I'm so angry at my brother for putting Mum in this situation (over something that's really silly in the long run and nothing serious). Mum and I have have never kept things from each other and making Mum lie to me for months is just awful.

I know there's nothing I can do about it but I feel really isolated from my family now and very much not part of the family.

I know how hurtful this is as my family never share difficult 'news' with me, I always hear second hand and later, sometimes years later.
I don't understand why but I try not to let it stop me from doing caring and kindly things towards those family members.
It's important not to let our own wounded feelings get 'bigger' than the dilemma of the family member.
We are not living in different countries, but we are in different parts of the uk.
Unfortunately I do find that this kind of secrecy affects my relationship with my family as I don't feel I can be as open with them when I know they are not open with me. I have accepted now that my adult siblings have set boundaries and I have to respect those. I don't like it but that's just the way things are and I moderate my own expectations and what I put into things so that I don't get disappointed.

It's so tough sometimes. My family does the same. Nothing I can say will make it better for you but I do completely understand!

Hope Christmas gives you some time to relax and be at peace.