Adventure and fun job, or stability and security?

[INXS]

Warning: long and overly detailed. Sorry!

My husband has had an offer in Stockholm for a company he's always wanted to work for. But he has a job here in London and they are offering him a significant payrise to stay.

We are seriously considering going, but we have a toddler, and a dog, and a lone elderly parent here to think about. My husband is leaning towards going, but I am getting less and less keen on the idea.

We have someone who would rent our home while we are away. I'd have to give up my job. And I want to be back by end 2018 so we can apply for schools for DD, who starts reception in 2019.

Everyone I know is saying "go for it! What an adventure! Sweden is awesome!" but it's easy to say that when it's not you who has to do it.

I'm asking on here as you guys all know the reality of moving abroad. There would be a relocation package including help finding accommodation. But I'm concerned about finding childcare and thinking it'll probably be at least a few months of me alone at home with the toddler, in a new city with no friends and no job. Once childcare kicks in it'll be great - but I'm not great at being a SAHM, I'm not really cut out for it.

I'm also worried about the return to London. What if DH loves the job so much he resents coming back? Or what if we return with a new baby in tow and they don't get a spot at our oversubscribed, excellent yet affordable local nursery (if we stayed, their spot would be guaranteed due to DD)? That would then affect my chances of going back to work yet again - or we would have to pay for a less good, expensive private nursery which would really affect our income.

I also want to have a second child (I'm 37 so can't put it off forever) but I don't think the timing will work out to have one during the 2 years we were away. I'd basically have to get pregnant, like, NOW, so that DH could take 6 months off starting at the end of next year. Otherwise it'd push into our final year in Sweden and he would have to leave the job at the same time as I'd be having the baby. So what's the point of going there, if we won't get the benefit of that amazing Swedish parental leave? (I know there is more to Sweden than that, but I hope you know what I mean?)

I know I'm definitely overthinking it, but I'd appreciate some cold hard truths here, from those that know. Would you do it? Am I being silly to even hesitate? Or is it simply not worth the upheaval for 2 years?

Thank you for reading!

Yes, a lot is same shit, different place.
Much of our reasons for moving won't apply (I was about to be put in a hellish job, with a crap manager I'd spent the previous 5 years working away from, DH was unhappy in his job, youngest was about to start school, and the thought of 2 FT jobs plus 2 sets of homework wasn't appealing, both our industries have made massive layoffs since we moved, we managed to jump ahead of the curve, and a job that comes with a salary reflecting how much people don't want to come here) but we didn't look for this, it came searching.
It has not all been great. At times it's been bloody hard. But you look at the experiences we have all had, the eyes we have had opened, the cultural differences we have exposed the kids to. It's a type if education that you would never get in our old white, industrial town.

I am the sort if person who would always say " try it. If it's great, you have had an amazing experience. If it's crap, you come home with your head held high knowing you gave it your best shot. If you don't go, you'll never know what it could have been". And that's how I'm living in Saudi.

I think your background plays a massive part in how risk averse you are. If you have family and a home you can always come back to turn you'd go for it and no doubt reap amazing rewards and if you've no security or roots you'd either hold on to what you've got tightly or be fully expecting to be sleeping on a park bench at some stage anyway so that could be anywhere !
You need to look at the overall picture not the details at this stage. How does it make you feel fundemently excited or shit scared ?
Go with your gut feeling, it never lets you down

Thank you all so much. We are 99% sure we are staying. This has been really helpful, thank you for all the advice.

I don't know what job you do, but I do know of several ladies that followed their husbands overseas and ended up with great jobs themselves. One example is a friend who took PA role at her husband's large company just to pass the time and get some pocket money. Fast forward two years and she's a senior project manager on the branding team, traveling the world and making great money. Another lady joined her hubby when he relocated to Germany. She took about 8 months to get her foot in the door of a large bank and 10 years later, she's now a senior executive making around 180K. They're about to relocate again - for her job. My point is that new places=new opportunities.

This is going to sound very negative but I have a friend who is in this exact situation I describe below and is something everyone should be aware of and if possible go as an expat assignee rather than on a local contract.

If you go overseas with children and become residents of that country and your relationships breaks down, then you can only take your children back home to live with the permission of the other parent. My friend left her husband because of a gambling addition. She had no money and had to clear joint debts etc and he refused her permission to leave with the kids, even though she had custody. She stayed so she could be with her children and managed to get a low paid job and learn the language. I think the international law is something around the Hague convention but someone may know better.