Sending DC abroad early. Would you?

[champersandgin]

We are moving abroad. I'm still in UK with 2 DC selling house etc. DH is already there, working and setting up home etc. His job means he is away Mon -Fri however it is OK for DC to go with him to work every day during school holidays.

He's missing us all terribly and wants one of the DC to go out early to be with him. DC1 (12) doesn't want to go without me or on the plane on their own. DC2 (8) said they'd like to.

I'm very conflicted. I don't want either DC to be away from me and while we should be able to go in the next 3-4 weeks, we might not. They'd have to go to school once September arrives and he'd have to sort that which I think would be tricky as he'd need to hope his company allow him to rearrange what he does to enable him to be home every night. Or rely on his new friends to help out with pick ups etc. Or not send them to school at the beginning of the school year (I'd prefer they did start at the beginning of the year).

I feel like a cow for saying no. So I'm trying not to actually say an absolute no. I have no concerns about his ability to actually parent on his own but I'm worried about the practicalities after the first couple of weeks if I don't make it out there.

So WWYD?

To be frank your husband needs to man up and just get on with settling in the best he can. Though I'm not even sure that the pair of you have what it takes to be expats.

But I do hope it works out well for you.

The children are already normally residing in the new country if your dependant visas are sorted

Depends on the country. Some countries only process residents' permit on entry to the country.

Thanks for your replies.

Everything is going through at the moment and we hope to exchange today and I'll be out by the end of the month so there will be no sending anyone early.

Though I'm not even sure that the pair of you have what it takes to be expats.

Thanks for that insight. Time will tell.

Financially we are (or were when two of us were earning in the UK) no different to millions of households - chugging along nicely but only a couple of paydays away from disaster. I've been on half finances for 4 months now with only 1 less mouth to feed and all the usual bills so I think I've done rather well actually. It's been more important for me to allocate savings to what needs to be paid upfront and before the house completes (like the removal and shipping costs) rather than things that can be paid for afterwards (like flights).

Champers, i apologise. I sounded really bitchy and it wasn't my intention. You seem made of stronger stuff than your husband and I stand by what I said whilst wishing you the best of luck in your new adventure.

Thank you Ohdear. I think I may have been rather defensive as it's just a stressful time tying everything together.

I've never looked at this as forever - more of an adventure that I'm prepared to spend the money we are spending on. I'm under no illusions that it will be easy but you know what, 40 is around the corner for me and I'd rather try and fail than always wonder what might have been. We've chosen this year specifically because it gives us a couple of years to give it a go before deciding what to do with regard to DC and where they will finish school.

(And yes, I'm definitely made of sterner stuff than the DH but he knows that and the last 4 months have really helped him- both grow up and recognise all that I do (and that he can't live without me).

(and that he can't live without me)

Well for that reason alone it will all be worth it. 😍

I don't know where you're heading but if it's to the Middle East by any chance just send me a message and if we're in the same country I don't mind having a blether with you.

I'm really not as horrible as my post suggested. Honest 😊

Hehe. I'm afraid we are off in the other direction - Canada.

I did look into the Middle East as I'm a teacher and I was offered an interview with a school in Qatar but they took so long to respond to my initial application (4 months) that by the time they did, DH had been offered his job in Canada.

Canada! Wow. I was there last year after a whale watching cruise. It was smashing.

Good luck