Depressed about relocation

[f33lingsad]

We're due to relocate in a few weeks. I'm getting increasingly depressed about it. I'm on the verge of tears all the time and I feel so sick I can barely eat. I'm watching the kids leave their schools and saying goodbye to friends and I don't want to do it. It's been hanging over us forever and now it's here I can't do it. I've started to wish I'd get really ill so I'll be stuck in hospital here and unable to go (not good).

It's for DH's job so I never had much of a choice in the matter. I don't really know anyone out there except him (I'm moving my job out there but don't know anyone in that office).

Any tips for feeling better about it? What are the good things about leaving your home , your family and everything you've worked for for the past 5-10 years?

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

F33liningsad I'm not sure Living Overseas is the place for this now - you are clearly in a very difficult place with your mental health and need proper help.

Do you have living parents you could go and stay with in the UK?

Failing that go go to a GP (Hausarzte) and tell them exactly how you feel - be totally honest. Look on Jameda for your nearest one by putting in your postcode.

The Hausarzte should sign you off work with stress or "Burnout" and refer you to professionals who can help you.

You will be able to get help with the kids and household too - Caritas have specific help for "when everything is too much".

Can you tell your husband outright that you are feeling suicidal and cannot cope?

[LittleDittyAbout]

You are officially ill right now. You need to go to a doctor, get a cert for work, and then your husband has to take time off to care for you and the children. Do it today. Go to A&E.

Nothing else is important.

[MyFriendsCallMeOh]

You're not failing, you're ill. Please find help, A&E, tell your husband what you are thinking, contact family in the U.K..... There are solutions, moving overseas is reversible, you can return to the uk, this situation isn't right for you and you need help. Please find help now, for you and your children.

[aliceinwanderland]

Op - where is your husband. I think you should show him this thread. If he's not here then you should email him the link.

[ApocalypseSlough]

How are you f33lingsad?
Who's at home with you?

[sayatidaknama]

OP where is your DH in all of this? Have you spoken to him about this? As someone said, if you can't talk, show him this thread. He needs to make you his number one priority right now.

[DawnMumsnet]

Hi f33lingsad,

We're really sorry to hear that you're feeling so very low.

We hope you don't mind, but when anyone posts that they're feeling this way we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - please take a look here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well.

We really hope things start looking up for you soon.

[f33lingsad]

Thank you. I'm okay. It comes in waves and that was a low point but I've been rallying since.

I have spoken to DH (and cried and sobbed and yelled), he is kind but doesn't really understand I don't think. I can't really call upon my parents, they have issues of their own (alcoholism and depression).

I'm okay for now, I won't do anything silly.

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Glad you're feeling a bit better.

[Ackeeandsaltfish]

Sorry OP, I can relate to the stress and depressions you're going through.

I had to relocate, against my wishes, with my husbands job to a far east country, where we couldn't understand the language, there is a massive stigma about mental health (highest youth suicide rates in the world), and if marriages break down the children automatically are given to the husband. I was so depressed I wanted to throw myself out of the window and we lived 13 floors up in a grim apartment. Of course if I could have found medical help it would have gone through my husbands employer.

The only thing that kept me going was actually doing things for my self, meeting other expat wives, taking up new hobbies, and coming back to the UK as much as I could.

I appreciate that you have young children, and a job, and a husband who seems to have left you to fend on your own with the considerable stress of moving to a new country and having to sort out schools, uniforms and home help in another language and at short notice. Would your (husbands) company be able to offer more help with the transition - an agent to help sort things out in German.

Just small steps to start with. Just listening to the Archers podcast with a cup of tea and a tub of Pringles to munch on, helped a little. It took me 6 months until I started to feel better, so hang on in there.

[Ackeeandsaltfish]

There are lots of UK stores you can order clothes online from. Next are fairly good for speedy deliveries.

There are lots of landlord insurance companies you can arrange online - Directline are good. Can you use Viber to make calls using wifi?

[Ackeeandsaltfish]

Also when you rent out the house and get paid rent you will need to inform HMRC and submit a tax return in the next tax year, but you may be able to claim some of the 3k for repairs against profits (I hope you kept receipts).

[BradleyPooper]

How are you doing now? Have things improved? Hope you're ok.