Single mum relocating to Northern Ireland

[MillyMolly87]

Hi! Posted this on the lone parent forum but think it might be better on here.
I'm 29 and a single mum living in north wales. My daughter is 4 and will be starting full time school in September. My parents help out a lot and I have a lovely group of friends who also help out.

Recently I have been considering a move to Northern Ireland to be involved with the Vineyard church on the north coast. I have only been there once before (in May this year) and absolutely love it. I met some amazing people and feel that I'm really being drawn to the area for reasons unknown to myself.

My parents were initially excited for me but have since raised their concerns for my welfare as they are worried I will be too much on my own away from the support network I have over here. I will be involved with the church and there are around 1500 people that go so there is already a ready made community to get stuck into but making connections and trusting people will take a bit of time.

My dad thinks I'm rushing things despite thinking seriously about this for the past 6 months and having thought about it a few years ago too. I'm hoping to move in December this year to allow my daughter to have two terms in the new reception class before she starts year 1 which I've heard is a bigger transition than starting reception.

Am I being selfish and foolish in moving? My parents have such a big involvement in our lives and look after my daughter several times a week but this will reduce to a visit every couple of months (plus face time and phone calls).

I just feel that if i stay here where I grew up and lived nearly all my life, I'll just keep plodding on without any real motivation or desire to better myself and just be stuck. Of course I will miss so many people but I really feel like God is telling me I need to do this. I get that a lot of people here won't get the whole God thing but id appreciate your thoughts!

Ive been reading the thread about returning home due to homesickness and it's been very interesting. Lots of wise thoughts.
Thank you :)

Hi OP, the north coast is very beautiful and I can definitely see how you would be attracted to a move. NI is a great place to bring up children and the education system is very good.

I'm from England and have lived in NI for about 8 years. I live in the small town my husband is from. I would say, even with some friends here already it has taken me until the last couple of years to feel REALLY settled. Probably not until my eldest son started nursery a couple of years ago.

I'm pretty outgoing and have always had a good circle of friends - I am now going to generalise massively and say people here tend to move about a lot less, most people here in the town have either always lived here or moved back after uni, they have friends they've known all their lives and it can be very hard to cross the 'acquaintance' line into friendship. My closest friend here is another English girl and a friend from here who I knew at Uni.

On the other hand, people are very friendly and welcoming on the whole. I've never had any bother for being English from anyone (and I'm a nurse so I meet all sorts 😄).

Sectarianism is everywhere - sometimes hidden and sometimes obvious. There are marches all over the country around the 12th and sometimes trouble, but I've gone years and the only trouble ive seen has been on the news. It's definitely not a war zone!

I think you will miss your parents more than you think. I miss my mum terribly and she visits fairly often. It's very hard to have no family nearby, especially now I have 3 little ones.

Good luck with what you decide x

OP, NI is a great place to live and there are a lot of positive posts here that are encouraging and reflect that. If you could plot out your working week or how you imagine your week to look like it might help you. My niggle would be the parental support that you have right now, particularly as dd is so little. She would be at pre-school for a few hours each day - what would you be doing? how would your evenings look? how much interaction would you have with others at the weekend? where do you imagine living? how close to the shops would you be? can you drive? etc! good luck with your decision x

Just to add that now that some parts of NI are like a war zone in the summer.

I live about a mile from one of the parade routes and I stay in on the 12th and know nothing about it as a result. It certainly does not resemble a war zone in the summer although the amount of beer bottles on the streets after the parade is shameful.

I am sorry but I think you would be mad to relocate away from your parents and support network because you liked the church.

Never heard of the Vineyard so just looked it up, they have a branch (vine?) in Belfast, I personally would move there rather than Coleraine.

I love that church! We've visited it while on holiday too and I don't think moving for a church is that crazy! We were at the Lagan Valley Vineyard recently too and that was brilliant but CCV is incredible.

That area of the north coast is a wonderful part of the world but I think we would find it a bit isolated, but if you think it would suit you - go for it!

I'm with Hedge. I think it's a loony idea.