Moving to French Alps soon.....!

[Belgianchox]

Hi, wwe are moving from Belgium to the French Alps in the springtime. We currently live in Belgium, i'm english but DP is french and can't wait to move back. I'm not quite so enthusiastic, not sure really why, need some convincing I think about what will be so great there! SO any thoughts/tips/advice on how to make the change run smoothly would be much appreciated! We have 2 small children btw (6ms and 2yrs).

I am SO SO Very jealous, the french alps are so beautiful in both summer & winter.. where abouts are you moving to?

what's your problem?!

As my name suggests, I'm a Scot living in France with a French DH and DS (21mths).

Whereabouts in the Alps are you moving to?

What are you worried about? The uprooting/ possible isolation/adapting to a new place/being in your DH's homeland while you're away from yours and therefore on his "territory" IYSWIM/ making a new social network while busy with a baby and toddler/probls with PIL/finding work?

These are all just wild stabs in the dark, as you don't really say what you're unsure about (though admittedly you do say you don't know why you're not enthusiastic).

I'd be happy to help with any info you need, practical or otherwise, but I don't really know where to start...! As you can tell from the previous replies, many folk would love to be in your shoes, and though I know from experience that that rarely helps you to feel better if you personally don't share that viewpoint, it's true that the French Alps are fairly high on many people's list of desirable places to live. Unless of course you just yearn for a beach?!
I haven't been actually living in France proper for long (was in a DOM before), but I've known the country all my life and I'd say that the quality of life, the beauty of the country and the variety it offers, the cultural possibilities, the healthcare system (as compared to the NHS), the food and drink, the climate and the people, are all serious selling points. They far outweigh any disadvantages, IMO - and anyway you don't want me to mention those, so I won't .

Thanks for all the replies - didn't really expect so many. We will (more than likely) be moving to St Jean de Maurienne, it's not far from Grenoble. I think Auld you have a point when you say i'm unsure about being on DP's territory - we both have kind of become used to living a long way from close family. Here we would be moving back to his roots, he no longer has his parents, but the rest of his close (knit) family are there - with whom I get along with quite well. There;s also the small point of me giving up a job I really like, although admittedly I'm sure I could find work in France too...anyway, i'm rambling, perhaps i'm just scared of change? I do appreciate that i'm lucky to have the opportunity, DP has a job to go to and accomodation will not be a problem in the beginning, i think its the thought of the upheaval maybe that's putting me off?

I can relate to your anxieties.
We moved here (Provence/Lubéron) when DS was 4mths. I changed job (well, shifted up), DH took unpaid leave to come with me and had little chance of getting a post in the region, so professionally there was some stress involved. We left behind a really close network of friends, and knew no one in this area.

I felt isolated, got depressed (I realise now), regretted everything we'd done and we considered moving back to the Indian Ocean.

Now look at how I'm selling France to you.
18 mths down the line, I've started to meet people in our town and to build up friendships. I'm settling in to my job (though shirking off at the moment on MN!!), DS is easier to manage than when a baby, DH is starting training for a whole new career.

This isn't about me, honest, but about you! Just trying to show how the little things that make the initial change so overwhelming all gradually sort themselves out. Change IS frightening when you have just weathered the huge upheaval of having a baby, but now that the worst is behind me I feel that I've really learnt a lot from it all and am glad we did it.

It'll take time, but I'm sure you'll be fine. I wish you all the best, anyway. As you can tell from my rambling, your e-mail struck something of a chord!!

P.S.: I do find the whole French family thing quite heavy, but have decided there's no point in trying to fit into a mould that doesn't work for me. I do what has to be done to avoid conflict/upset, but lead my own life.

interesting thread, always a big leap to move countries, french alps though.. so jealous!

This is definitely showing me how lucky i should feel! Auld I take it from your post you transferred jobs within your company? DP has an offer of work, however I will have to find something, which is not a prospect I relish, my current work situ is pretty good. This i realise is a purely selfish consideration, as the change would definitely be a positive one for DP. Anyway, you've helped me put it all in perspective, and I suppose if i go with the outlook that it won't be perfect to begin with, but that we'll get there, I'm sure it will all work out.

I work in the state education system, not a private company. I had been teaching in a uni but then finished my doctorate and got a proper lectureship, tenure and the lot. It was an unexpected stroke of luck, so we had to make a quick decision. Not like your personal situation, I gather.
I think being aware all may not be roses before you leave, and being open to all positive aspects of your experiences, no matter how minor in appearance, might help you avoid being as down as I was. Anyhow, if you fancy a chat once you're out here or before, Belgianchox, get in touch and I'll help you in any way I can.

Refuse to move unless you find a job may be... because that is as big a change as the move, isn't it - going from work to no work.

We were in the French Alps skiing just before Christmas. It was wonderful.

eh? where were you? there was no bloody snow until a few days ago!

Val D'Isere. It fine. The instructores were cross that people weren't going out there when there was snow and they wanted to teach and make money. There were 1000 univesrity students in the resort though the week we were there!

I don't think refusing to move till i find work is really an option as the job offer DP has starts on April 1st - which is quite soon really. The other thing is that i have no idea whether i will have to work out my notice or not (i have not resigned as yet), but if I do it will be min 3 months, so it's difficult to start a job hunt until i'm more fixed time wise iyfswim. I agree though, the thought of not having a job at all does scare me - not financially, we could manage for a while on DPs salary, but being home all day with 2 small children isn't for me, much as I love them to bits, i actually like working!

I don't think refusing to move till i find work is really an option as the job offer DP has starts on April 1st - which is quite soon really. The other thing is that i have no idea whether i will have to work out my notice or not (i have not resigned as yet), but if I do it will be min 3 months, so it's difficult to start a job hunt until i'm more fixed time wise iyfswim. I agree though, the thought of not having a job at all does scare me - not financially, we could manage for a while on DPs salary, but being home all day with 2 small children isn't for me, much as I love them to bits, i actually like working!

I wuold start putting out feelers. Every story I've ever read about people moving like that to a country not theirs seems to end up with the woman at home with children who isn't part of the culture etc feeling dreadful, depressed, suicidal etc etc.... but if you work even if it's not for the money then I bet that helps particularly if you've always worked and I think culturally in France many more women work anyway so it would be more normal and easier to fit in if you work too.

Yeah, i think you have a point there Xenia, would be good for me to have some kind of plan too, i know i definately would end up lonely and depressed if I didn't have a job of some description.

Threatening not to move unless you actually have a job lined up sounds a bit radical to me.
My experience of France is that word of mouth works well and once you know a few people you learn about opportunities that wouldn't have crossed your mind from a distance. If your DH has family in the area that'll help.
Putting out feelers now is a v. good idea. If you have some contacts and ideas, however tentative, that might help you feel more confident about the move. TBH, with such an upheaval for all, it might be a bit much for you also to start a new job immediately. A month or two getting used to your new surroundings and home and helping your kids adjust might make the settling in easier, and as long as you knew it wasn't permanent and you didn't just stay at home all day long (but in that part of the country, I don't think that's a risk!), you wouldn't end up suicidal, IMO. Part of my blues was, I think, a form of PND, rather than being solely caused by the move. If you've been in Belgium, I presume you speak French so you're unlikely to be estranged from your husband's culture.

hi, defo wouldn't threaten not to move unless i have a job. i think the best i can do is put some feelers out as has been suggested here, and you're right Auld, i'll probably be too busy with the move and settling in the kids etc to get depressed. Besides i really don't want to go there with the idea that's its going to be depressing - the whole idea is to benefit from a better lifestyle/climate etc than here in Belgium Btw you're right about the language, that;s not a worry. We're going to the area at the end of this month, so maybe things will seem a bit clearer for me after that.

well this is it, we've finally decided we're off, leaving Belgium for the french alps, well St jean de maurienne to be precise. Its quite scary, i've been in belgium for nearly 10 years and though i'd never thought about spending the rest of my life here i hadnt really envisaged moving either. So any words of wisdom regarding making the transition as smooth as possible would be highly appreciated. We expect to be there by june 1st, and already have accom lined up there, and dp has a job to go to. i've accepted that we;re going, i would just love to drum up some enthusiasm too now - don't mean to sound like a spoilt brat, just that after 2 babes in 2 years i was quite enjoying "getting back to normal"! I hadn't factored another radical life change into my plans...

So it's happening!

Well, I've just had a wee look at the website and I think St Jean looks like a really nice place to live.

Healthy mountain air, things happening, stuff for kids (trampoline? I'm ), lovely part of the country, access to TGV for trips around France/back to the UK...

When you're packing up, keep aside some of your & DC's most important things, rather than sticking them in your removal, so that you have them available right from the start. Oh, and take the time to label your boxes well, to save annoying hunting around for things.

It's hard when you have young kids, and I haven't managed it yet, but joining a club/group of some kind makes a world of difference to your social life.

If you're still not that enthusiastic about it all, try and sound a bit excited about it and stress the positive sides for your kids, so they don't get too stressed by the move. Faking cheerfulness makes me a bit more cheerful than I would otherwise be.

IIRC, you have family nearby; if you get on with them, exploit them shamelessly, to help you meet people, look after the DC for an hour so you can get time to explore your new home, etc. I really regret not having that opportunity.

Don't know what Belgium is like, but be prepared for amazing bureaucracy, requiring endless papers and detailed knowledge of your mother's maiden name, your last 3 payslips etc.

Good luck...

yes, we're definitely off, and the number of things we have to get sorted before we go makes my head spin! At the moment we're trying to decide whether to sell our house or rent it out getting the move itself organised, etc etc. However i'm starting to warm to the idea that for my children the move will be v positive in the longterm, it will be nice for them to have their cousins close by for example.
Now i just have to prepare myself for the onslaught of bureaucracy - belgium is bad, but not nearly as bad as france for that - i spent a year there whilst at uni and still have fond memories of queuing for hours to hand in the relevant documents only to find that you were missing something vital!
I'll have to check out the trampolining facilities - used to love that at school....

Re the bureaucracy thing: you can do some things online now, so have a look at the mairie/préfecture websites. At least you can download a list of documents required, rather than going and queuing to find out what you'll need to bring next time you come and queue!
Hope the upheaval isn't too exhausting.