Preparing baby to speak German when I don't speak it myself! Help!

[DarkRoots]

So we are moving to Germany later next year. DS will be almost 2 at that stage, and I really want to put him in kindergarten (or whatever!) so that he can learn German and make the most of this opportunity.

But then I am seized with guilt at the thought of the poor little thing not having a clue what's going on!

DH will be intensively trained in the language before we go so will start speaking to him before we go. I have been typing 'German nursery rhymes' into YouTube everyday In a desperate attempt to help but have no idea what I am doing!

Any advice?

Thank you SO much for all your advice and experiences - love that document, Iliked

I won't be working (that's another story) so maybe the playgroups are a better idea. Will have to push myself to speak German as well! I will keep repeating 'it's an adventure, it's an adventure'...

Think we will probably be there for two years. Arghhh!

We moved when DD was a similar age. She struggled a lot at first with picking up German, really a lot.
I would say it took a couple of years before it all took off properly. She was able to understand a bit quite quickly, but it was hard to tell how much because she was very reluctant to speak.
But, she got there in the end, and a few years later she is pretty well bilingual - there are still some gaps, due to the fact that as a family we speak English.

Second DC picked it up more quickly, but after a year and a half of Kindergarten is in no way fluent. Good understanding, yes, but there are plenty of gaps still.

People all say, Oh, children pick up other languages so quickly, she'll be fluent in no time, etc etc. In my experience that hasn't been the case; still I am constantly amazed at how well they do speak and understand German.

I do think it depends a bit on the child's personality as well. Mine are quite shy and a bit perfectionist. They don't want to get something "wrong"; they'd rather not speak at all; whereas you might find other children are happy to make mistakes, and just charge in and have a go, and they'll probably be speaking sooner.

I think the main thing is not to panic when everyone tells you about some other child that arrived from and was speaking fluently 3 weeks later . Every child is different.

If you're only staying 2 years, and leaving when your DS is only going to be 4, there is really nothing at all to worry about, as it won't even matter if your DS isn't fluent (I was assuming a permanent move with an eye on integrating fully and being native speaker fluent for starting German state school at age 6).

If you're only here 2 years just do toddlers groups til he's 3 and get him down for a bilingual Kindergarten for the year he's 3 til you move back, if you're going to be in a city (short term moves would rarely see you end up in the sticks far from any other English speakers). There's no need for any stress about your preschooler becoming genuinely fluent in German if he's going to be back in the UK before he turns 5! All you need is enough German for him to make friends (and really you can do the ex pat citcuit and the bilingual Kindergarten and just let him pick up a bit for fun).

There are brain development advantages to speaking more than one language in childhood, but really he is not going to remember any German by the time he hits secondary school even if he is fluent by age 4, unless you continue with it in a significant way once you return to the UK.

Yes. That is a very good point.

If it's temporary, I really recommend meetup.com as a way to find a local group. Some it seems there is a trend that you have to pay a small membership fee or similar but the one here, you don't. Don't be put off if that's the case. They really are lifesaving. But learn some German before you go (as I said, Duolingo was brilliant for me) - people really appreciate it if you speak a little and they will usually do a cursory bit of German and then want to be all accommodating so they will switch to English anyway.

Again, thanks for your honest experiences, it is all calming me down!

I assume it will only be for two years, but am trying to prepare for the fact it could be longer. Those recommendations are great, thanks.
I think I am also overthinking it all because I am an English teacher and work quite often with students who have English as an additional language and it is just soooo difficult for them and frequently their mother, although often both parents.

Then I have to remind myself that I am working with teenagers and that my own PFB child can't even speak English yet and I should just calm down!

So interesting to hear your different ideas, though.

I've been told not to try speaking German to my kids - I'm guessing because I'm not fluent so it's to avoid teaching them the wrong thing.

We did watch a lot of Muzzy and programmes from Kika on youtube so they were familiar with how it sounded but they were going into school and Kindergarten.

Oh yes it's SO different with teenagers. Honestly. I was worried about DS because he was five and had been talking clearly since about two and always been chatty, so I thought it would be a big shock to him. It wasn't. I don't know whether it was the fact that kids that age are just very physical with their play - his playing was so bizarre for ages, in that he wouldn't say any words but he would just make constant sound effects, like a minion and do lots of running around and rolling on the floor and dramatic falling over, or whether it was because kindergarten is kind of geared up for kids who don't necessarily yet know the skill of listening to adults. When they give them an instruction, the more keen listeners do it and the others just copy them, and the adults gently pull them back into line if they are getting out of it with not much understanding of words needed at all. I mean, any kid can tell if an adult is pleased or not by their tone of voice.

Kindergarten kids don't massively judge and bully each other, friendships are so fluid there is no "fitting in", they don't have prejudice about foreigners, they don't even notice if the other kids have weird accents. It's such a nice time for them to join and learn the language, IME.

And remember 18 months have a typical vocabulary of only 50 words, 2 year olds 200, whereas four year olds have around 5,000, and adults 20-35,000, so at their age they are already picking up new words all the time. They don't understand the concept of languages, so they will just be absorbing and picking up extra words in German. As said above there will probably be a slowing of acquisition of new words in English as she starts acquiring words in both, but then it will level out and she'll just start acquiring vocabulary at a normal level in both languages. She won't have much of a head start in English. I don't know at age two whether they can differentiate between who says what - I know at 3+ they can but some children still code switch until they are about four.

This thread is really interesting, thanks for posting it OP.

We are considering a move to the French speaking part of Switzerland and I have similar concerns. My DDs would be just 4 and 18m if we move. DD1 would start school in the August, though hopefully we'd get her into some kind of nursery or preschool before then to keep her entertained and start to immerse in local life.

I studied a bit of French at uni and am eager to improve but I struggle with the possibility that I won't be able to help her do homework or learn to read in French because I won't know how!!

Education is important to me and I worry that I'll be somehow putting the DDs at a disadvantage because a) they'll have to deal with processing a new language verge they can learn any subject matter and b) that DH and I will be unable to support them in French.

Saying all that though, I think this is me being a bit PFB and overthinking things and that having studied language acquisition during a-level psychology I know it would probably more of an advantage to their learning and intellect, as opposed to a detriment.... But when you're making life-changing/affecting decisions for your own small people it's easier to worry!

Good luck with the move!

DD (adopted) visited me fairly regularly from the age of 2 1/2, then came to live with me age 5. Her first language was not English. We never had any problem understanding each other (a lot is body language and tone of voice). Nor did she have any trouble playing with English speaking children - sometimes I would hear her & neighbours children all chatting away - in different languages but all perfectly happy!

She learnt some English at pre-school aged 3-5 of the 'Please may I go to the toilet' type, and there were TAs in her pre-school (when she came home for good) who spoke her first language - but she very quickly didn't want to speak her first language (sadly, I would have very happily supported her to continue to speak it, but I think she associated that with her unhappy experiences, and wanted to be like/with her 'English Mummy')

Within a few months she was fluent in English - obviously she'd had 3 years 'introduction' which helped.