How do you decide which aspect of your family life to give up when you can't have it all? I would really appreciate insights, suggestions or points of view from others on here as I'm driving myself crazy going around in circles in my head.
My family and I left Spain for the UK about a year ago. We had a great life in Spain, with good job for DH, PT cash in hand work for me, lots of friends, past-times, low stress, etc. DD was born there and we really enjoyed our family life. And then we moved back...
Background info: DH born in UK to foreign parents, so has never really felt 'British'. I'm not British, but we did live here together before moving to Spain.
The main reason we moved back was so I would be able to build my career and work at something challenging, the career I started out in before leaving. I worked PT in Spain, but it was mostly cash in hand, and I didn't love it. This made me frustrated because I loved the work I did before we left and it had a future. Other reasons we left were to be closer to family (as DS has since also been born) and we also expected to be better off, as money was tight there with no prospects in DH's work, so income effectively 'capped' for the rest of our life there.
Well, we are just not settling in happily here and don't know how long to keep trying for. DH never wanted to come back and did it for me. He has a good job here, but works so hard he has had to give up his hobbies. I feel terrible about this, we were trying to get a more balanced life. Unexpectedly, we are also worse off than we were in Spain, spending more than is coming in each month. This obviously can't continue.
And we don't know what to do. I am applying for PT jobs as planned, but there are very few around. I feel very strongly about not putting my DS baby especially in much childcare at this young age. I know this complicates things. I don't want to put my children in full-time care, I want to be with them. But I also want to do the career I am good at and we need the money.
We feel like packing it in. We both have a very strong sense that Spain is home, we've been back to visit and were very sad to leave again. DH's life has been reduced to working and putting DD to bed, then working again the evenings from home. Neither of us love living here, but I was worried about a future where I had to continue being the trailing spouse. Our friends are in Spain, it has been really hard to connect with people here, not for want of trying either. On the upside DD is thriving here and spends lots of time with family now. DH could probably get his old job back, we would overall be much happier with that picture, but what would you do? Should I give up hopes of a career and just accept that wanting to look after my children means I will be a trailing spouse? Should I just be grateful that I had good PT cash in hand work available to contribute? Should I find another area of life to be challenged in?
We are open to moving to other European countries too. I feel like the best way out of here would be to get the PT job I want, do it for a year or more, then use it to find a related job in another country. DH agrees this is sensible, but that would take years, the DCs would be settled in school and we don't like it here!
What would you do? Please be as critical as you like. Sorry for the essay.