How do you deal with being far away when things go wrong at hom.

[goodiegoodieyumyum]

My mum has just had her appendix out at the age of 72. My dad is very unhappy his partner of over thirty years has terminal cancer, the relationship is not very good, they nearly broke up last year and she is being a complete bitch to him. I wish I could just get on a plane at the moment, but finacially I cant do that. It is so hard.

Sorry things are rough.
Not quite so tough but my uncle passed away unexpectedly in january, and I was fortunately able to jump on a plane and support my mum who was in pieces (who was in turn trying to support her SIL who was an even worse state)

How far away are you? We're in Asia, so at least 24 hours to get home in a dire emergency. (never mind the cost!)

Thanks for your reply fatowl, i am 24 hours away. On top of everything my brither split with his wife in December and I wish I could be there for him too. I am actually more worried about my dad than my mum. The whole situation is cery complicated.

Very complicated

I feel your pain, when I was in Malaysia a couple of years ago my worst fear was something awful would happen and I'd be stuck. Are you close to your brother/an aunt/ uncle? Sometimes you just have to accept what you can do, and what you can't. Having friends with you helps too, my friends Grandfather died so we had a separate "memorial" for him on our loft, we got the readings and released balloons. If you've got expat friends they'll be able to share stories of how they've coped, it really helps. Please try not to feel guilty though, im sure they all know you care, and Skype/email is really fantastic (God knows how people coped pre-internet!)

We're only a short flight away op - but it's not much easier.

I spent months of my maternity leave back and forward to my dying dm last year. (Not that I regret a second).

It's incredibly hard trying to manage your life/work/kids if you have them and awful circumstances back home.

Sorry for your loss x

I wish my dad would do skype, he wont, he doesnt like phones much either, he does like to make things difficult but he is still my dad.

It does make it more difficult that my eldest sister is not speaking to him and my other sister is very difficult to talk to and changes the subject if you try to bring anything up espcially my dad. Luckily I have my brother and other fantastic relatives.

I think you just have to do the best you can. My dad is terminally ill and I've been home for a week a month the last three months. This has meant my in laws coming here to look after my children as DH was at work. There won't be many more trips as DF has a few weeks at most left. It's been very difficult emotionally and cost a fortune. But what else can you do? I think if you choose to live away from friends and family, you have to be prepared for this kind of eventuality. I missed my granny's funeral a couple of years ago as I was too heavily pregnant to fly back. If we'd been in the UK, we'd have been able to drive. There are no easy answers but we are now thinking of moving home earlier than perhaps we would have done. I hope it works out for you OP.

You have my sympathies. I was very lucky because I had moved back to my country when my DM fell sick and died of cancer. I'd been been over twenty years living too far abroad to be able to return at a moment's notice before.