Where in France for SEN kids

[Branleuse]

Dp and I are desperately wanting to move to France. He is french, Im not fluent, but I can get by and am confident id be fine after a year or so.
We have talked about it for the whole 10 years weve been together, but it hasnt happened because of my eldest ds who has ASD and is statemented, and I know of Frances reputation for SEN, and also importantly, he still needed to see his dad, my ex.
Eldest is 14 now and settled in a SEN school, and dp and I have 2 dc together (8 & 7) ds2 also has ASD and is statemented, but in mainstream.
I know the British system is much more progressive for SEN, but omg, I want to move so much. Im just treading water here.
Children are not bilingual although do understand basic french when spoken.

Its all going round and round in my head how we could manage this.

I know the french arent particularly open to home educating, although some areas are better than others. Could this be an option. Would it be an insurmountable amount of hoops to jump through?

Are there some areas or schools that have a reputation for being understanding towards SEN?

We dont want to live in a big town or city, nor could we really afford to. We would prefer semi-rural (not completely) or village. My dream is the pyrenees, but im not actually set on it. I definitely dont want to live in the Nord, even though we have family there. I need better scenery than that, and preferably better weather.

I know people turn noses up at dordogneshire, but would the amount of expats mean it might be easier for the children?? It wouldnt be my first choice of area, but im open minded. Would be a compromise I could make if it was easier for the children to settle.

We are kind of hippyish people so would want somewhere not too uptight and conservative (hence not Nord ;) ) We loved this diversity aspect of the pyrenees (aude/ariege) We rather like Bretagne too.

Does anyone else live in france with SEN kids, and how have they found it, or should i give up the idea?

I don't know the answer..but am going to lurk along, if you don't mind, because am wondering the same thing...though we would want to be in the south...maybe I'll be able to tell you more after I can see how the news of DD1's ASD diagnosis goes down with my French people (not actual family but as close as) en Aôut...am slightly apprehensive about telling them!

"Dordogneshire"

I'm in the South of France (obviously). The weather is great, but there is very little support for SEN and the 'solution' for struggling children (for dyslexia or whatever) is to keep them back a year. This may or may not be an issue, depending on the specific needs of your DS but I would advise you to make your decision as if you will not receive any support from anyone.

At 7-8, your children will enter classes where everyone else speaks fluently, reads & writes well. How do you plan to manage this transition, especially for your DS who is on the autism spectrum? Just bringing him to a class full of strangers in a new city where he doesn't speak the language isn't likely to go too well.

i dont have plans about it cotedazur, I was hoping people might know of certain schools or areas with slightly more progressive cultures about helping children adapt when french isnt their first language, let alone one of them having SEN too. Im Trying to work out ways we might be able to do this.

Ive thought maybe the british school in the dordogne, but a lot of the international schools are in expensive areas, on top of school fees.

I would be tempted to home educate but i understand there are strict rules about it in france, so our dream of reducing stress, leading a more back to basics life might not be possible if the children are forced into a school system that doesnt accept diversity or make any allowances, yet makes it difficult to home educate. Obviously there must be french people who have the same issue, so what do they do??

I live in rural France and know a lot about SN and I would seriously consider sending your DC to an international school esp for the 14 year old. There is a girl in DS's class who from his description has very severe SN and receives no help at all and gets very low marks because she is just "left". Having come from UK aged 11, he finds it quite upsetting. However there is also a boy in DD1's class in primary who does get some support. I know rural France is a nice dream but in reality I think it will be very challenging for your DC unless you can find a very good school to 1. support their SEN and 2. help them with their french if you decide to move them to french schools.

There is an international school (mostly for airbus DC) in outskirts of Toulouse (Colommiers) and there is also a school somewhere near Bergerac. I think there might be a mumsnetter with a sen DC at the Toulouse one.

And Toulouse is a bloody lovely city too!!

Sorry x posts I see you don't want international schools. If you are on FB there is a really great group called Parents in France where you can get a lot of advice. I believe you can get a bilan orthophonique done via your GP in France and you DC should be able to get the necessary support. If you do decide to come to France apparently the CASNAV should put your DC in CLIN schools where they will get help with their French. The French love their acronyms as you probably know and I can't remember what they are exactly but CASNAV is the one that organises teaching for those who arrive in France, and CLIN is the teaching of French as a foreign langauge in primary schools, and in collège it's a classe d'acceuil. Not all schools have this so you have to check with your area's Academie. I also believe quite a few expats do home ed.

i know it would be incredibly challenging, and I wont be moving anywhere unless im confident the children are going to be ok. Ive fought pretty hard for them to get the extra support they get. Its my number one priority, but I wouldnt just move and dump them in any old school that i know nothing about. Even my NT daughter would struggle with that, and whilst me and dp have been talking about this for years, I think I am more realistic about the education aspect than dp is, who thinks they would be fine, or we could hire a private tutor, or whatever. I have been the main one that has fought for everything for the children education wise, and i wouldnt give it up without a good plan.

My eldest is old enough that he could decide whether he wants to come with us when we do go, or to stay with his dad, but if he came with us, I wouldnt make him go to a french school. In all honesty, the chances are he would stay with his dad and come to us for holidays so he could continue with his education.

The two little ones do have some spoken french, although its basic, and seem to understand a lot more, but dont like to speak it if they can get away with using english.

I like the look of the one in bordeaux, but cant seem to find houses in our budget in the area. Even renovation projects seem to be expensive.

Thankyou for your advice everyone. Its pretty much as i thought wrt actual schools, it seems.

I think if we do it, we will have to home educate. I think I would find it quite rewarding, although it wouldnt get the children speaking much french, unless dp pulled his finger out and stopped bloody speaking to them in english. That might be easier if we were there, and he wasnt the only one doing it tbf.

As I said in my above post, I feel like im treading water living where im living. Weve been talking about this for so so long. I cant bear the thought of being here for another ten years

I think im already in that fb group Castles. I just never post because i dont actually live there

There's also a school near Royan I think. I also looked at the international school in Bordeaux itself for my DC, cheaper than Toulouse but still a city of course. IMO city schools are more geared to expats/SEN but I do live in the back end of nowhere. Do post on that FB group as others do who are thinking of moving over. There are some very knowledgeable people on it. There's also another one called Blackhen Education I think, more for bilingual DC but many of them seem to have SEN.

I used to live in France and unfortunately I think you would be mad to go to France with kids who don't speak French and have SEN, especially if you want to live in a more rural area. French education is very tough and non-sympathetic to begin with, let alone if you have any issues.

Why exactly are you so desperate to go? Does it have to be France? We live in Germany now and it's much more laidback.

That said -- one thing you could do is check out the Montessori schools. I have no idea if they would be better but you would kind of think they would be? They can be very expensive though.

Also I know you want south but we used to live in Nantes (southern edge of Bretagne) and it's great for lefties/hippies, and not too big, with really nice countryside around it. Decent number of expats. Tops best quality of life surveys all the time.

But again, I don't think it's such a good idea. Have you lived in France before, because the reality is so different even from long visits.

Thats interestingabout Royan, thanks. We go to the Charente area quite a lot as my mum has a place near angouleme.

I wouldnt mind town living myself, depending on the town of course, but the dream is land and space and scenery (and hot summers), not to have the same as weve got but in france, otherwise we would just go to the North and id get his family to fight all the battles for me ;)

dreamingbohemian, we want france because dp is french and im studying it.
Neither of us speak any other languages except english and french.

I know its a bit mad, but is it impossible?

its not that i dont want international schools, i just thought they were mostly in cities and expensive

Well nothing is impossible, but I think if the only way you can go is to leave your son behind, and even then your other children will hugely struggle with school, I think it's a pretty bad idea.

Is land and space and scenery worth not living with your son? I do sympathise, as a nomadic expat myself, but that seems pretty dramatic.

But keep doing research and see if you can find something, you never know. Maybe look around Limoges? My SIL lives in a small village near there, it sounds pretty lefty. She's thinking of home schooling.

What would your work situation be? Doesn't that limit you geographically?
The employment situation is generally terrible in France in the moment.

Depending on your professions, I wouldn't rule out other parts of Europe.
We live in Berlin and loads of people here get by with little or no German for example. And it's lefty central :)

aghh wrote a massive response and my tablet shut down

my choice wouldn't be to leave him behind. That sounds harsher than it is. Hes getting to the age where he can decide himself, thats all. He has a good strong relationship with his dad. He could in theory want to live at home forever. There will come a point where what dp & I want has to come into it too. I think i could sell the idea to him if we had the right set up.

Dp works 100% remotely. He could work anywhere with a wifi connection

and im a sahp and have been for ages because of the childrens situation. I dont actually have a career to go back to either.

We have vague notions of market stalls, campsites, cob houses, community living, unschooling/homeschooling, permaculture, chickens etc etc, but i dont want to fuck it all up for the children either. Just cant stop thinking about it

It's a great dream but honestly I think it would be really hard on your kids. I'm the first to say that it shouldn't always be about the kids, I've moved my own DC around a lot, but I think in your case it would be quite hard schooling-wise, unless you can find a good match somewhere.

That's great you can live anywhere really -- I think you should really expand your search. If you want to live semi-rural with space, is there no place in the UK or Ireland to go? What about countries like Germany and Holland where many people speak English and there are lots of bilingual schools? France doesn't really believe in SEN or bilingualism, it's a tough one.

I know you said you don't want to wait 10 years but you can do a lot in those ten years to prepare to leave, you can visit different parts of France and see where you want to go, you can start making contacts and learning how you might set up a little business, you and the kids can learn more French, etc.

What is so unbearable about your current life? Because honestly, France might solve some problems but it will also give you new ones.

Well i would live back in Scotland for lots of reasons but i dont think i could deal with the climate, I want the children to be more outdoors. I want to be outdoors too. Ive thought of cornwall but its expensive and crowded and i dunno. It just isnt what i want. I also love the idea of Spain. Seen some gorgeous cave houses in Granada, but neither of us speaks spanish and would be even less likely to be able to find our way round the system.

I feel like im going mad with the grind here,completely out of touch with the evironment around us. Nobody likes school. Im forcing them to go every day to something they hate and that im not even 100% convinced of the benefits of anyway. 70% of adults with ASD end up long term unemployed anyway, or maybe they could get a job or have a family and end up miserable as i am as part of the machine for minimum wage.

Ah, that changes my answer I guess... I thought they were all settled and happy in school. If they are fairly miserable too, then it's worth taking more of a risk perhaps. If you feel like home schooling would work for you, then at least you could always do that?

Thinking long-term, one good thing about France is that it's still very strong in vocational education. There are still lots of careers for people who want to build things and do things with their hands and work outside all day.

I do really understand how you feel, it's why we're happy where we are now (they even have 'forest schools' here, where the kids literally go to school in a forest and spend all day outside!) France is a wonderful country, it's just a tough place to be 'different' sometimes. I hope you can find something that works for you.

The bottom line is that if you're SAHM and your husband can work anywhere, it doesn't make sense to live somewhere that you're all unhappy.

That's very true about vocational education, dreamingbohemian. DS who is in 5eme (year 8) is going through his very extensive choices for next year and there is already an option to just do the agricultural course. And post (or pre, not sure) brevet there is the artisan option. I think this is an excellent thing about French education. Can't believe I said that .