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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Original poster

6 months in not settled back in UK - small town home

19 replies

Postexpatlimbo · 20/03/2015 20:02

Former ties seem to have been severed. Dds no longer at local school so no link there and not that popular to opt out of local (not great) secondary. And am bored and lonely apart from my job and friends who live elsewhere. Should we move to where eldest is at sec sch? It's less nice but friendly, we'd be part of community. A fresh start. But wouldnt move there if it werent for the fab school. Breaks my heart in some ways- more change, moving away from where had ties for a decade but never been as good as it should have been much as we tried. V cliquey which all seems ridiculous after living in bigger town overseas. Fed up with life on hold! Anyone in similar boat care to share, advise, compare?

OP posts:
Original poster
Postexpatlimbo · 20/03/2015 20:04

Not sure if should have posted here or chat! Oh well.

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MerdeAlor · 20/03/2015 20:06

Sounds rough. I'm oversees at the moment but when we moved back to the UK last time we found we couldn't go back to our old house, our old life. We tried it and it simply doesn't work.
We moved and started afresh and didn't regret it for a moment. Not sure that helps but it sounds as though you need to get out the stasis that you're in.

Original poster
Postexpatlimbo · 20/03/2015 20:18

Really? Thats interesting. glad to hear your move worked out. I kind of feel I've failed if we move but maybe thats being unnecessarily negative. And unrealistc. We've changed, those around us have changed... We werent prepared to compromise on school hence the limbo. Feel like the final shattering of a long- held dream, quite gutting to be honest. This was our forever beautiful home. The village is beautiful but shallow and not me, if that makes sense. V first world, i know!

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JaniceJoplin · 20/03/2015 20:35

I spent a year abroad when I was 17. It took me 4 years to feel like I belonged anywhere. Google reverse culture shock it's normal.

Original poster
Postexpatlimbo · 20/03/2015 20:38

Thanks, yes heard of it and suffered before. This time feels much more permanent though - all grown out of where we live but loathe to make another wrong turn!

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chloeb2002 · 21/03/2015 01:17

I think it always amazes me when people return to "the old life" after expat life and say it's easy. 5 years overseas and the return was so hard.

I had changed, the friends I had had changed.

Feel free to move on. Wink

AdoraBell · 21/03/2015 02:15

We are currently planning To return To the UK and I refused To Go back To where we lived before for this very reason. It will not be the same place we left and I am not the same person who left.

If I where you I would make the move OP

Original poster
Postexpatlimbo · 21/03/2015 07:26

Intrigued and inspired by the reponses! There was me thinking it was odd/flighty/irresponsible re kids not to return to our roots, however shallow. Yet my instinct had been shouting out "N-ooo! Dont do it!" And resigned to be returning ehere we gad been- it was sensible, the right thing to do.
Am actually kicking myself as would've loved to upsticks to naice small city like Bath or a similar village to ours but much nearer london. House was obv all packed up ready to sell/rent out till we moved back in. bloody dh was adamant about moving back, yhought i was being too itchy footed... He underplays how much we've all changed.

Aargh! Now we're stuck to living within catchment of eldest's secondary if we do move. Cant uproot her again as in yr10. Nice enough- still a big village, ok countryside- but would never have chosen if it werent for the school. enough reason to move???

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fussychica · 21/03/2015 17:48

We came back after 8 years away but decided we would go to a totally different area on our return and make a new life. We really liked where we lived before going overseas but thought it would be a mistake to just go back. We are now happy in a spot at the other end of the country and it's been another adventure. However, despite this, after nearly 4 years back in the UK we still miss our life overseas and return several times a year. We don't rule out upping sticks again and, although we'd almost certainly go back to the same country, we'd probably pick a different area just for a new experience.

We had no ties so it was relatively easy. Your situation is far more difficult but I hope you can sort something to make you all happier.

Original poster
Postexpatlimbo · 21/03/2015 17:56

Thanks, Fussy. How old are your kids, still young? Yes, maybe the expat mentality is forever present so best to indilge it and make the move. Expensive business though, ao many moves!
In my dreams, we're in Bath or somewhere like that. Not the catchment small, workaday village of the sec sch. Oh well

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fussychica · 23/03/2015 18:34

No he's 22 and off to do a PGCE after graduating this summer. One of the reasons we came back was he wanted to go to uni in the UK for the full experience which he wouldn't have got where we were. We didn't need to come back but felt we had the best of the place and fancied a change. We are quite near Bath but somewhere cheaperGrin.

Original poster
Postexpatlimbo · 23/03/2015 21:41

Yes, its not cheap is it? Smile Glad it's worked out for you.
we'll get there. Maybe just a pragmatic move for a few years to ok town with fab school.

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4seasonsin1day · 24/03/2015 10:28

Your post is really interesting. We are currently living overseas however I want to move back to the UK. We also lived in a beautiful village however I know if we move back there it won't be the same. I have started looking at areas and must admit it is the school situation that is driving areas. How long have you been back? Can you see it improving over time - especially as your children settle?

papooshka · 24/03/2015 11:13

We moved back to the UK 8 months ago after 12 years away. We are not back in our home town but its still bloody hard. I feel like a fish out of water, its really hard to make friends and with my old friends (who are not close distance wise) I feel like the relationships have changed and we need to reconnect. Reverse culture shock is definitely real!

Original poster
Postexpatlimbo · 25/03/2015 13:45

Pap, too true, hardgoing, isnt it?

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Original poster
Postexpatlimbo · 25/03/2015 13:49

4seasons - well done for thinking ahead more than we did
Working around schools a great idea. Hard work to do from afar but SO much better than uprooting yet again when in uk- and maybe compromising as we will have to.
I think my kids will only settle so much- not at local schools which makes. Big differenceSad

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Newbrummie · 06/04/2015 15:18

I've literally just moved back and am considering schools at the moment. Where to start, I have no ties anywhere, I could go where my job is, when I find it but equally we've moved ALOT whilst abroad - not schools - but houses, I really want to get this right

Christinayangstwistedsister · 07/04/2015 17:58

I feel exactly the same, came back last September and moved back to same area. We have been back every summer for a few weeks so have kept in touch with everyone.....but it's different. We have changed, have had different experiences and have lived a different way of life

I just feel out of sorts and unsettled

mrsmosquito · 10/04/2015 10:59

We went back to the UK...but only lasted 3 years... Overseas again now!

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