How often do you go 'home'?

[dontevenblink]

Just wondering how often you go 'home' to the UK (or elsewhere). We've been in NZ for just over 3 years and have 4dc under 7, and have not been back yet. We have no plans to either, one of the reasons being that we don't have the money to.

My sister, however, has just got quite upset at me and said that I was being selfish not coming home every year, and that as I was the one who emigrated that I should be the one to make the effort. I explained to her that with 4 young dc and no money for flights (even just me flying back is out of our reach at the moment without us getting into debt) it just wasn't practical and that I would love to have seen her regularly if I could. She says that I'm unreasonable as people she knows fly back regularly, even with young children, so I just wondered what you good people of mumsnet do? How often do you get back and if you don't mind me asking, is it a struggle to do so?

Should add, with 2 brothers overseas in nz and china I do feel like the one behind to sort everything parent based
When they're back there is no quality time as they're with a million people. (Understandably)
It feels as though they can rave about their new life but don't miss us like we miss them
They have no kids, I have 2

Been in Oz nearly 7 years have not been back 5 children so the cost is a problem and to pay around $20000 to schlep up and down the country for 3 weeks does not hold much appeal.

8 years in Asia. We can afford to go back every year but now only stay "home" for short periods of time and use up the rest of our holiday time traveling around a bit.

We no longer feel guilty about it as our friends and family have made little effort to come visit us even though they can afford to, nor are they realistically accommodating when we visit.
They regularly schedule last minute holidays/work/other commitments while we are there although we plan our trips 6 months ahead.
So apart from the grand parents, we no longer take notice of what anyone says.
My sister is on a meditation/yoga retreat for the 2 weeks I'll be home this easter. our trip was planned in October. Hers last week. Not to mention that she will be very close to where I actually live. I understand where she is at this point in her life and she "needs" it so am just past caring now.
We plan our holidays as suits us. And now that the children are older we are scrapping the yearly visit and every other year go on a discovery roadtrip elsewhere. Our only effort is to try arrange for grand parents and a handful of others to join us for a few days if possible.

When we are home its endless laments about how we have grown apart (we haven't; they just have absolutely no interest in our daily life whilst we know theirs inside out). It also really bothers us that most people back home take little notice of the children. They rarely make time to try and know them better or learn about their life and gently mock them for their "foreign" ways or the fact that they speak another language between them. We primarily plan those trips for them to re-connect but few really engage with them.

Don't get me wrong, we all love going back and get along really well, its just that we feel we can't put our life on hold for prolonged periods to satisfy what they feel is our "duty" when they barely make a dent in their routine to see us.

OP sorry but I think your sister is being a cow. You can't afford it, simple. And if you could that would be at great financial, logistical and emotional effort with 4 children. I think you should just bluntly remind her and be honest about how hurt you are by her comments.

changing it is not easy caring for parents alone. I would feel very differently if that was our family scenario.

Whoa, I only have myself to think of and haven't managed to get back in over seven years.

I go back to NYC 3 times a year. My parents come here (UK) twice a year.

I aim for once every year or two. A recent compromise was travelling in China with DM so that she got a bit of quality time with me, without anyone else.

I do miss the UK and my friends and family. I moved for a reason but the reason was a pull (DH) rather than a push so I miss it.