move to US with 4 month old DD???

[Absofrigginlootly]

DH has been offered an amazing opportunity to work in the north midwest of the US for 2 years. Would be almost double his current salary (which is currently good enough for me to be a SAHM to give you an idea... Not bragging!!) and lots of benefits (company would pay for relocation, integration, years rent, contribute to health insurance etc etc). The job is something he would love to do as he hates his current job as there's too much travel and he never gets to see DD during the week..im basically a single parent m-f

Pros:
Proposed working hours would mean DH home by 5.30-6pm m-f so lots of family time that we will never have in our current situation, which is basically only weekends.

We love travelling and seeing the world, this would give us the opportunity to travel /go on holidays around the US.

DH would be happy for the first time in years.... As he wouldn't have ridiculous commute and lots of travel away for work.

Probably last opportunity to do something like this in life before DD would start school and our parents get too old.

Cons:
If we decided to have another DC it wouldn't be straight forward due to fertility problems and need for elective csection next time... Feel quite daunted about doing this in a foreign country. (I'm 33 so have a little time to decide about another DC but not eons of time before the magic/dreaded 35 fertility deadline!! ).

I LOVE the city we currently live in, its the only place I've ever lived that feels like home... And I'm just starting to get out and about with DD to baby groups to make friends.

I would feel very guilty taking DD away from her grandparents.

I'm worried about being in a foreign country with a young baby and no support system /family /friends.

Has anyone else done something similar? Did you enjoy it? Do you have any advice? Am I mad for even considering this?

Ps, He would keep his UK annual leave conditions

Met DH here and got married. We have been here for 10 years now and have two DC. Couple of things:

1 - Finish work by 530-6pm? Not around here. Those are the office hours but working hours are 8am-10pm Mon-Fri with the expectation that you put in 10 hours over the weekend. Have him call his boss or a colleague on his office line out of hours. See who answers.

2 - Fertility treatment here in the NYC area is second to none if your health insurance covers it. As you are there for a 2 year period you would need to look at starting right away. Elective CS is fine, especially if you had a CS first time. Check your insurance for copays and coverage.

3 - You will be in the US for 2 years. It will fly by. If you are in a big town there will be tonnes for you to do and people are generally speaking super friendly.

4 - Make sure they cover your DH's pension while he is gone. DH had this issue and it was sorted as part of my DH taking his employer to court. This is one area often overlooked when you accept an international assignment.

It's not remotely mad to consider it! It's a great opportunity.

Grandparents will cope. Flights aren't too expensive/too far to Mid NorthWest. You can travel, they can travel etc. Skype/FaceTime are great - it's not the same but it means you can have a face to face chat as often as you want (the time differences aren't too bad either).

Having a baby in a different country is fine! US care is generally OB led rather than midwife led which would likely be the only difference from the UK. For what it's worth, I really like my OB led care in Oz - same person at every appointment, OB delivered baby, really regular appointments, private hospital etc. I guess the only think to consider is there are often waiting periods on health insurance - obstetric care might only kick in after 12 mths.

The US is a lot of fun - loads to see, domestic flights are reasonable, lot of cities within reach, Canada is just a hop away.

You'll find other Mums and Bubs groups, and make new friends.

You just kind of manage with kids and no family near by. I'm weeks away from two under two and I know we'll be okay. You make friends and use them for support, plus you do see family.

If your husbands package is good, and he keeps his UK holiday allowance it sounds like a winner!

My husband and I loved our time in the US...18 years there between us. I think it's easier overseas with little kids rather than older ones. When they're tiny they don't know they don't have grandparents etc around, so don't miss out.

So long as the contracts, visas etc are all tied up then go for it!

I would take the official working hours with a pinch of salt - everyone works extremely long hours here in the US its a cultural thing, regardless of what is written into contracts.

That aside, we are expats in the USA and highly recommend it.

Ooh, ooh, I'm in the North Midwest! :)

I don't think everyone works "extremely long hour", I guess it depends on the job. My husband's work is closed down and everyone's gone by 6.

I agree that not everyone works extremely long hours. There is definitely a strong work ethic throughout the US, but company cultures vary considerably. It is something that you might want to check out though. I have worked in a few places where everyone tried to outstay each other in the evenings to prove a point. Happily, where I work now everyone is out the door by 6:30 or earlier.

Seriously check out the hours and travel. DH is on a good wicket here by any standards. Office hours are 8-430. He has customer dinners 2-3 times a week and travels (does day trips) about 3-4 days a week. With travel to places more than 3 hrs away one leg always eats into the weekend.

Of all the things you listed this is the one that rang alarm bells. It is highly unusual to make more than $100k a year as an employee in this country and work 40hrs a week. DH makes way more than this and he calculated his working week to be 55-60 hrs. Mine is about 70-80 but at part time it's 45 per week!

I would also be sceptical about actual working hours, but otherwise sounds fun to me!

It's only 2 years, it'll fly by - go for the experience

We moved to California when DS was 3yrs and DD 3months. Way easier to do this sort of move when they're tiny

It is highly unusual to make more than $100k a year as an employee in this country and work 40hrs a week.

I agree with this. But depending on the job, some of the extra hours could be done at home.

Totally depends on the company - DH has very flexible working (he's in tech) which means he's still home for dinner bath and bed every night

Have you any option of staying longer than 2 years?

We have just returned to the UK after DH took a so month secondment in NYC. It's a great opportunity and we lived it.

Like you are planning, we did quite a bit of travel, but DH was still under a UK- based manager who authorised his leave. He got a lot of comments about how often he was off and found himself needing to work lots of hours round his leave to 'make up', as he was still expected to do the same amount of work as his colleagues in the US.

Also, as wanttobe says, we thought his working day would be shorter in the US (simply due to shorter commute), but he often worked 70+ hours for a salary of little over $100k.

Finally, really look into the medical insurance being offered. We had insurance paid, but it didn't cover existing conditions, most dental issues etc.

I'm not trying to say don't do it, just that sometimes the reality is different from the promises, and be sure of exactly what is being offered. (We did have an amazing apartment paid for, so it wasn't all bad for us).