Crazy to consider move to US at this point?! (DC 4 and 2)

[millionaireshortbread]

Pre kids I got a job offer in the US that required a 3 year commitment for visas. We were planning on starting a family so decided against it (we've been trying to escape for an overseas adventure for years but either houses etc have got in the way or we've just ended up getting cold feet).

I haven't been working for the last couple of years but have a UK job I am about to start back to (same role as US job was). We are bored with UK life. So, I have contacted the agency and it turns out they still recruit overseas and so in short it would still be an option. I would need to work full time. I have been a SAHM of late and am desperate to use my brain again. My husband could work part time and pick up some of the childcare (last time they'd agreed to sort a working visa for him too). The children are used to me not working at all, but whateve I'm going back part time here anyway.
The bit I am concerned about is moving the children/them adapting. DC1 is due to start school in Sept and currently attends the nursery at the school. He's totally inflexible with change and struggles with it big time. I would predict that the change would likely be around the time he is due to start school!! . Also, I'm concerned how rose tinted we are being that it would be a better quality of life out there and would appreciate any views and experiences of any expats who have been there done that thanks

Nothing to add but am in exactly the same position! And am terrified about the prospect!
My two are 5&2.

Where about will you be moving to?

Hopefully someone who has done this will be along soon

You get more value for your money in the us but the uk is more family friendly.
Also i would suggest to clarify your husband's working visa: the standard working visa h1b1 does not allow the dependant spouse to work. Intracompany transfer L visas do allow it but you have to work for the same company for 1 year before the transfer.

We moved to Texas in 2013. I don't know of any visas where a spouse can only work part time. Part time work is pretty thin on the ground compared to other places I have lived. Where would you move to? Not sure I understand how the USA is less family friendly than the UK....

Butterflies: I do think that the us is less family friendly than the uk:

1. Maternity leave: i think that depending on the size of the company the employer is legally required to offer either 3 months or no time at all. That sucks.
2. There are some services available for every family such as health visitors and children centres that offer support and advice for parents. i do not know of similar federal or even state programs in the us.
3. in my own personal experience people in the us are more work oriented, meaning that if you have a job to do and your kid gets sick then the expectation is that work comes first, too bad for your kid. As i said this is just my experience so it could be due to the managers that i have had.

Alpaca: Agree with you about visas. To be fair even in the uk employers make the mistake of assuming that "it will be al-right because it sounds reasonable".

Nolim - your third point is just as true (if not worse) in the UK.

OP - the key questions are: Would you be working for the same company as in the UK? If so things would be much easier.
If you would be going to a new company - getting a visa could be difficult/take a long time. It is also unlikely that your DH could work at all.

You also need to investigate financials - here can be a good place to see if that high wage is actually enough, and if the medical insurance is generous enough.

How rigid is your DC1- is it within the "normal" range, or is it so disabiling that you might need to investigate for possible SN? That is tricky in the UK and involves a lot of fighting often, but could be even harder in the US where you don't totally understand the culture, or know the system.

Ah, OK, I moved here when my youngest was 5 so didn't have to consider maternity and moved here from Singapore where maternity leave is 6 weeks. Similarly, we are way out of health visitor range anyway and there was none in Asia. I have a friend who gave birth here last autumn, I will have to ask her about support. There are great paediatricians of course and it's normal for kids to have annual check ups.

Dh is working and I'm setting up to work from home so days off for child sickness aren't an issue for us. However, he is home most days by 5.30pm or 6pm and lots of companies offer every second Friday off. Lots of sporting activities take place at weekends or later after school (dd2 does gym at 6.30pm) so that working parents can be present. There is little federal employment law as such but companies are generally pretty compassionate imho.... OP if your dh isn't granted an L visa or similar where he can work in the US, this wouldn't be an issue anyway...

To me, your ds and his resistance to change may be the biggest consideration. You will also need to think about the duration of your US contract and how he would settle back in the UK elsewhere afterwards. Imho resistance to change seems to increase with age. Reverse culture shock returning to the UK was worse than any overseas move I have made.

Agree with everyone else that the visa issue is paramount, and dictates everything else. The next thing is how much you are likely to be paid and the relocation package you could expect to be given. Emigrating is very expensive!

Then whereabouts you expect to work. The US is huge and different areas will give you very different experiences at very different costs.

On top of the visa (you would need to look into driving licence issues related to visas, as well as work), you need to look at health insurance.

If your child has a SEN then you might find the US setup better than in Britain. However, since he wouldn't be in Kdg until age 5 your local public school district wouldn't be obliged to cater for him until then (assuming you would be able to get him a diagnosis, which would be done through the school district and free in most states).

Many communities in the US are very family friendly especially MC suburbs of large cities and while the US lacks HVs and has barbaric maternity leave policies overall, some places are lovely for families. However, affording to live in a community that is really nice is the rub.

Hi everyone. The job would likely be New Jersey (that was the offer pre children which is likelt to be the same again). The reason we decided not to go at the time was the mat leave benefits etc hence why we've got that bit out of the way! I am pretty confident my son doesn't have SEN!! He just struggles with change and likes to know what's happening when. The relocation package / wages etc would be more than sufficient having done my research with cost of living etc. The contract would be 3 years initially. Thanks for your replies.

We lived in New Jersey for a bit (near Maplewood) and really liked it, very family friendly (although terrible road signage!). What helped our children settle was having a parent (dh) full time at home for quite a while. For your older child I think it's mostly about timing, so long as you move before he starts big school, so he hasn't already had one big change then I think you should be able to transition him over with plenty of support. I'm in Canada now so a bit out of touch but I think that in the US school starts later so your ds would have a gentler start which might really help.

I'm still wondering what sort of visa you are being offered that gives your dh the opportunity to work, I thought only L1/2 visas did that, and it sounds as if you'd be more likely H1?

New Jersey is great for kids. We lived in South Orange and are now in Hoboken with DD in the pre-school. Our experience with Hoboken school district has been amazing with DD's teacher helping us to get help for DD but also DS who is in daycare. SEN provision here in Hoboken has been excellent so far.

Hoboken has a Pre-K program which is as good as the private programs I looked at in South Orange/Maplewood. It is free to use (8.30am - 2.30pm) and available to all residents of Hoboken. They have PreK 3 and 4 while Weehawken has PreK 4. Jersey City has PreK too but I have not heard so many positive stories. The preK and elementary schools in Hoboken offers wrap around care. It is $800 a month for 7.30am to 6pm with a 25% discount for the 2nd child. DS attends the affiliated daycare and we get the discount on DD.

Activities are affordable. We pay $200 for DD to play soccer and $300 for dance class. Swim classes are a bit of a struggle to get into but thats just me being picky.

For those who come to this thread, I found NJ to be quite good for maternity care. I had DS in 2013 and was entitled to 16 weeks of leave. I took 8. My employer offered me up to 26 weeks with 16 weeks covered by disability and the remainder at no-pay. I don't think that is anything to complain about. Many of my friends have taken off a year or more but they are in more established positions. Friend with 15 years of teaching took 5 years off when she had her son as her DH was diagnosed with cancer shortly after her son was born. She just returned to work this year on a PT basis.

We moved to USA in 2012 and will be moving back to UK later this year, it was a planned three yr contract with DH's company. DC were 6 and 8 when we moved. They were initially upset at the thought of leaving everything they knew, but soon became excited and they've settled in so well, to school and the whole environment. They've made great friends here, but keep in touch with friends back home via Skype etc, and they're both v excited about moving back home...they don't see USA as forever home, and though I know it will take some adjustment to move back, we all feel it's th right move. We lucked out with amazing state schools and a lovely neighbourhood community. DS will be starting high school in UK and we want him to start with his friends and have continuity. I work from home, freelance, for UK clients, which works really well. Positives? Chances to travel and see lots of USA; better off financially; amazing opportinities to dive into a new culture; weather is great apart from super hot summers; showing DCs another part of the world, giving them confidence by being outside of their comfort zones and thriving. Negatives? Having to do two sets of tax returns (!); homesickness; DCs (and me) missing friends and family; trying to get DC back into UK school system from overseas, we're not allowed to apply for high school place for sept, despite returning to family home which we own; Fox News!
Good luck with your decision, hope it all works out for you.

Hi. It would now have to be a H1B visa and then a green card application, so my husband won't be able to work initially apparently unless he gets transferred with his job - (which could be a possibility as he works for a US firm) / if green cards goes through (an EB2 was suggested initially where he could have worked). I still would really love to try it though... : ). Thanks for all your info.

The H1B no visa for your husband would be a deal breaker for me. My DH is on an H1B, DD and I are dependents on this and baby DS was born here. DD was tiny when we moved and I thought it would be great not having to work. Roll on a couple of years and I am so bored! It is so restricting - and the U.S. is so work driven. H1Bs also mean you're entitled to very little - only a basic bank account, no credit, I couldn't get a contact mobile/cell for a year and even then it's in Dh's name. Conversely, back in London, I have my own property. It's a real adjustment to have so many regular rights and capabilities taken away.

Do it - it sounds very positive. We did it when ours were 1 & 2. Small children adapt very quickly to new surroundings and NJ / NY and CT are great for families. If your company can sponsor your GC application and you can use an in-house lawyer you won't have to worry about the rest of that.