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Original poster

American wedding etiquette

13 replies

butterfliesinmytummy · 01/10/2014 16:36

We moved to Texas last year and have been invited to a very very smart wedding through dh's work (best behaviour then Wink)

There is no wedding list included ..... Is there one? Should we ask? If not, should we find something appropriate? Anything we should really avoid?

I understand that dress is slightly less formal, no hats?

The wedding is at a resort 4 hours away from our city. Looks stunning and we can book accommodation .... But we have kids! Wedding is at 6pm. Who do we leave the kids with (obv we have no family here) or can we take them and ask the resort to provide a babysitter for the evening?

I'm sure there will be more questions, finding this slightly stressful.

OP posts:
SconeRhymesWithGone · 01/10/2014 16:48

It's not usual to include a wedding list or gift registry information in the invitation (at least where I am in the South and I think Texas may be similar). You could have your DH ask where they are registered or you could check with the largest department store in town and also Target, Bed, Bath and Beyond, etc. You can easily check online. I would definitely get something nice from the registry.

The wedding is at 6 pm. Depending on the venue this might mean cocktail type attire; certainly no hats. In other words, it might be more formal than a typical daytime wedding in the UK. Americans don't usually wear hats to weddings and definitely never in the evening. Don't wear ivory or white. Again I would ask about details to get a better idea of what people are wearing. The venue should be a good indication.

Not sure what to tell you about the children. Is there someone you trust that you could pay to stay with them in your home?

Original poster
butterfliesinmytummy · 02/10/2014 03:44

Thanks Scone! I will get DH to ask about gifts.

I was thinking cocktail attire and wouldn't wear ivory or white. We'll have to see about the kids. As much as I would like to leave them, I wouldn't enjoy myself knowing they were so far away. It's not like leaving them with a grandparent either, I would have to rely on friends we have made in the past year ....

OP posts:
wentshopping · 06/10/2014 15:44

Not much help here except we went to a Texas wedding years ago where it was ok to take kids. Attire was definitely cocktail - check on the type of suits for the men, too.
If the wedding is during university vacation time, I can offer you a very sensible 18 yr old dd as a babysitter. PM me if you want to meet for coffee/chat.

Whyisthekitteninsane · 08/10/2014 21:32

I would phone the resort -many times these places have babysitters through a local agency and you can book them in advance to sit in the room with your kids. That may even be on the resort webpage.

Original poster
butterfliesinmytummy · 10/10/2014 19:18

Thanks all, having a bit of a nightmare. Wedding is in the middle of nowhere and doesn't provide babysitters and has no solution. We are staying at a resort 7 miles from the venue, no babysitters there either. I asked if they could speak to staff and see if anyone could step in but no. They have a kids club open til 10pm but if your kids are there, you can't leave the resort. This is Texas hill country ..... Stunning but not many hotels.

Dh spoke to someone at work who is taking his kids so I have responded with a 2 + 2 kids on the rsvp. The happy couple have been together for many years and have a daughter, hoping they will understand. Will stash the kids in the corner with iPads and colouring, they are 6 and 10 and can behave. If it's not acceptable, dh can go by himself and the kids and I will spend the evening at the other resort (them in the kids club and me in the spa preferably!)

Now, dresses........ Gah!

OP posts:
Original poster
butterfliesinmytummy · 10/10/2014 19:24

Meant to say, thank you fellow Texan import wentshopping. Wedding is mid November and I don't think I could leave my youngest for 24 hours. We left her for 36 hours with grandma over the summer and she wasn't happy..... Typical expat kid, not used to being farmed out (although we're working on it!)

OP posts:
redexpat · 10/10/2014 19:50

Make sure you have some dollar bills with you. You have to pay to dance with the bride/groom. At least i did in montana.

Original poster
butterfliesinmytummy · 10/10/2014 20:08

Thanks, see, this is the kind of information I need!

OP posts:
HowMuchMoreWee · 10/10/2014 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
butterfliesinmytummy · 10/10/2014 20:17

Ok, will add wine to list. Although I think this is going to be a very extravagant wedding ....

OP posts:
SconeRhymesWithGone · 10/10/2014 20:23

The dollar dance is not all that common in my experience. I have been to about 50 weddings (in the US) in my lifetime and have never seen it done.

Whyisthekitteninsane · 10/10/2014 20:29

I think the dollar dance is mostly reserved for movies really, movies and Nurse Jackie.

redexpat · 16/10/2014 13:49

Am a bit flummoxed by the probability of me going to one US wedding and there being a dollar dance, vs scones 50 weddings and no dollar dance. Maybe it's a regional thing?

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