Living in America 2014

[rootypig]

Shiny new thread. After an epic visa fuck up we are starting out (again!) in LA in a few weeks. I am English, DH is American (from southern California), DD is 21mo. I am going back to work after several unintentional years out and terrified. No clue what I want to do, which doesn't help.

Come chat about all things American!

All my care is with with midwives (bar the woman who does the scans at their office). I'll only see an OB if I need a c section again (so hopefully not!). Friends have told me that their OBs do not feel their tummies during appointment - as someone who loves all the spinning babies stuff I find this mad! Ultrasounds are great but deskilling is a little sad.

This is our anchor baby - should be a lot less hassle to register the birth than our old trips to the US embassy in London! Plus having the in-laws an hour and a half away means they can look after the kids when I'm in labour. Which the kids will love!

rooty exactly.

For example, friend of mine came in on the VWP. She intended to marry (perfectly legal) but then to leave to pursue a spousal visa, spend her last Christmas with her family etc etc. She ended up with a medical condition that meant she wouldn't have been able to safely travel for several months so she ended up having to file for AOS. She was able to prove this of course (though it's not technically necessary) and had no problems.

A spousal visa is a much better option anyway. That way you enter with a greencard immediately. Ability to leave whenever you want, to get a job etc etc. If you file for AOS you can end up waiting several months (friends of mine just filed last year and it takes 2 months still for the work permit, 6 months for the greencard). Not to mention the expense! Their medical cost $1200 and isn't covered by insurance!! That doesn't include the filing fees either!

Also FWIW anchor baby is a derogatory term for many people so I'd be wary of joking about it here. It's also a common misconception that having a kid here means you can stay here.

Also random, as a US citizen (and permanent resident) you need to file taxes on your worldwide income, so regardless of where you're living, you need to file your taxes. There is a threshold of $90K though so anything over that you pay tax on as well. A lot of people forget to tell their USC children that (those that don't reside in the US) so they go years failing to file their taxes.

Sykadelic I had no idea that 'anchor baby' as a term has any baggage. For us it means we've put down roots - made a permanent move, bought a house (our first). So this baby is a further root/anchor - a big deal for us after the first two were born in London. Hence why I think it's appropriate for a 'living in America' thread (it's not like this is a technical immigration thread). This baby will be a US citizen (like his/her siblings) as DH is American and I entered on a spousal green card (we lived, married, in London for years). The place of birth is important for other reasons than just nationality.

Yeah it was suggested as an exceptional course as Dharma needed to enter the US with DH for his work. They do make it difficult - if they said ok, you can do consular filing and come to the US during that process for a visit - for the 90 day non immigrant period, then return home for the outcome of the consular filing, then people wouldn't be driven to cut corners. (As I accept that they shouldn't and we in our case didn't! )

Anyway Dharma if you're there, I hope your lawyer sorted you out and sorry for the wrong advice

Anchor Baby is full of negative connotations. i get your meaning, but many people outside the sort of educated, middle class, international friends and relations type like us wont.

If the joke stands long enough that she jokingly describes herself as an Anchor Baby to the wring sort of people, it might be problematic. Perhaps only socially, being outcast from some group at school; but possibly worse. There are sone really weird anti-immigrant sorts there. My UZk but eventually naturalized husband's right to be living and working in the US was challenged at a large gathering including my daughter's more distant in-laws. And my son was born UK, so i have fielded challenges re: his status when adult from these sort of right-wing idiots.

UZ = UK.

Flip I get what you mean but that's not what it actually means.

The term anchor baby was coined to negatively describe children born in the US for the sole purpose of remaining in the US. They are "just" a meams to remain in the US. They are not a loved child. They serve a purpose. It implies their parents are illegal aliens (something some people - like momagain1 said - take very badly).

Here's an urban dictionary definition: www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=anchor%20baby

Here's the Wiki which explains it's not good: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anchor_baby

Again, I get what you're saying, but I really would stop using the term. I've had to do that with a couple of things I previously thought were "innocent".

I'll never use that expression again (good thing the joking was between me as DH only!). Thanks for the heads up - genuinely shocked (I avoid Fox News and its ilk and, consciously, live in a liberal and diverse area - makes me even gladder that I don't live in other parts of the US! Although in fairness, as an immigrant to the UK I also came across a fair no of anti immigrant nutters and I left before UKIP got even bigger).

I think that even down here in Fox News Land attitudes to immigrants are like those in the UK; you're fine if you're white, wealthy and speak English

I live in liberal-ville and anchor baby is a negative phrase here too to be honest. Best not to use it, as pp have said. Great you're getting all your care via midwife though, from what I've heard from various friends who've given birth here that's very rare. Even those who have gone to have midwife care have all of it led by the ObGyn, and the vast majority have been offered c-sections at their booking in appt

One even had a July 4th due date, was induced early and when she went back over her records couldn't find a proper medical reason why. Guess what the statistic are on holiday-born babies?! Having said that. everyone who has good health insurance has had generally good care and I can't really compare as everyone I know here gave birth in hospital whereas I had two homebirths in the UK.

DH was actually offered the job when I was 7months pregnant and they wanted us to move immediately...having read Naomi Wolff's "Misconceptions" during pregnancy there was no bloody way I was swapping my amazing homebirthing NHS team for the American system

Me too Americas TorturedBrow! I was 6 months pregnant when DH was offered the job and I dug my heels in so I could give birth in a pool at the birthing centre at UCH as planned.

A friend here just gave birth at home but they had to hire a private midwife and pay upfront as there insurance didn't cover it. Aren't home births even illegal in a couple of states?

I had a friend who had to do the same. Ridiculous considering her first baby (born in a hospital) cost the insurance company over $33,000 and her homebirth cost them $11000...goes to show really

I guess NJ must be the most liberal place in the US because my obn group all touched my baby bump at each and every appointment for both kids. For DD I wasn't given the choice to have a CS and even with preclampsia they induced me before doing a CS. DD had a due date of July 4th and there was zero messing around with that. If I went into labor the same procedures were to be followed and my obn would drive up from her shore house.

Flip - my obn is very laid back and happy to do a VBAC unless you have scared her like I did with DD. I had a CS with DS because he was huge at 10lb6oz and I was starting to show signs of preclampsia. I was allowed to go 10 days over my due date because my obn was taking the week off skiing and I wanted her team to deliver DS. She isn't patronizing and offers help but accepts when you say no to things like nausea medicines. If you need an obn I am happy to recommend her. She was also happy for me to not have iron when my blood tests at 34weeks came back showing I had slight anemia. She offered and they have some unpleasant side effects so if I didn't want them she wasn't going to push me to have them as I was within weeks of delivering.

Mrsfrumble - home births are not all that uncommon. I know of a few girls at work who did it. There is a sizable orthodox jewish group at work and I talk with the girls a lot because they have big families yet seem to continue working FT. One girl is 32 and is pregnant with her 6th child. After her 3rd she had all of them at home and said at this point she considers herself a birthing pro. When having her fifth she was joking that she was focused on getting the school lunches for the older children ready before she had to push. I nearly fainted at the thought!

oh and Anchor baby is in the same bucket as knickers (sounds like the n word when said by my dearest DD). Not words for us to use for fear of offending the Americans. DH and I also refer to our DC as anchor babies between ourselves because they do anchor us here and the decision to start a family here weakened the tie we have with Europe.

Being an immigrant my husband had to sign a form called I-864 which said he'd support me financially. It meant that I'm not eligible for means-tested benefits (government help) and if I do use them, they CAN come after him to pay it back.

For example, we were both out of work at the same time at one point. Though it wasn't necessary, I looked into worst-case scenario stuff and couldn't get food stamps or anything like for fear of the government coming after us. It can also affect your immigration progress.

The medical stuff was so confusing for me as well. As it is for so many people so I've heard. There's co-pays, deductibles, co-insurance, out-of-pocket max, caps, exclusions etc. Then there's getting 11 bills for 1 procedure (as happened in our case when my husband had surgery). Everyone wants their piece of the pie. Fun stuff!

Alpaca I was offered them only with DD because I was throwing up a lot. My obn said she didn't like to prescribe them but would do if I wanted them. With DS she told me I wasn't green enough to warrant them!

skyadelic The health insurance here isn't that bad if you stick to certain medical groups. When I had my DC I had the hospital collect the bills and send me one with everything included. Made it much easier for me to follow.

Want2Be that hadn't occurred to me about knickers! agh! though I tend to say pants, which also gets me

Want2Be I also meant to say thanks for pushing me to track down full fat Greek yoghurt. Found FAGE full fat in Whole Foods today and it is brilliant, properly tangy. I also bought some organic rolled oats and had a proper bowl of porridge....am feeling encouraged!

regards,
The Food Obsessive

Thanks rooty! If you look hard and improvise you can find good food. I spoke to a lot of Americans who were slim and looked healthy when I first moved here. One girl told me she only bought 'living' food which means you buy something that was alive so either a plant or meat. She said the aisles in the supermarket are what to avoid and just shop the perimeter as much as possible.

The knickers thing was so awkward. Poor nanny was offended and felt awkward bringing it up with me.

I think we had a head start on the food thing because the apartment block we moved into when we first arrived had a deli on the ground floor that specialized in organic and locally sourced produce. It was expensive as hell so shopping there for a family of four was unsustainable but it did give us an introduction to some of the organic brands to look out for. I miss the place!

Someone on the "Want to live in America" thread has posted that Oklahoma is a dump and is all desert. The dump bit is a matter of opinion but the desert bit is just bollocks. Can I bothered to correct them? Probably not. Some interesting perceptions on that thread....

Want2b I've never had that, not ALL of the bills at least, maybe this was specific to your birth? My husbands was surgery to remove a mass, and in my case another procedure. When you signed in there was a form letting you know and signing that you understood that you could be billed from the individuals as well.

So we got a bill from the anaesthetist, the doctor, the hospital, the x-ray tech, the MRI tech, etc etc. Some were "grouped" together, like facility charges (X-ray machine use, MRI machine use, theatre room) but when it was a separate entity (like my doctor worked AT the hospital sometimes but also had his own practice so my bill for his services came from his office, not the hospital, but the use of the hospital came from the hospital) we got more.

For minor things is not a big deal but for my husbands it was really really annoying.

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OP yay food you like! That's where it starts. You'll find something to get you by, then you'll feel less stressed out so you'll try something else and find out you like it and so on and so forth :)

Another one for me was BBQ sauce. The McDonald's one here is not the same (poor nuggets) but one day I was at an event where someone served BBQ weiners or something and the BBQ sauce was delish. So now I get "Sweet Baby Rays - Original" if I ever need BBQ sauce.

I found weetabix at Hyvee, it's Canadian. It's not exactly the same but it's close enough I'm happy during winter.

Bacon made me sad at first (all that fat, so little meat) but Canadian bacon got me by, now I can handle it occasionally.

sykadelic Thats the thing... don't sign it and ask to speak to a manager. Explain that you need them to process the bill as one and bill you once not multiple times. They can go back and forth with the insurance company but give you just one bill. I told a white lie and said I needed it processed this way or I would have to have them handle the secondary insurance in Denmark. That was the comment that sealed it for me. Now I get it done this way everytime.

With DS there were over 40 doctors who billed us and we paid on one bill. It was so much simpler to manage. I think things like this should be manditory. I am on an audit with over 100 people in the US about 600 of us in total worldwide. We dont bill our client 600 times!

Want2b I'll ask but I'd be willing to be it's state specific, or facility specific and I'm just not that lucky :S It makes WAY more sense to just have one provider to pay and they can dish out the money however they see fit. I'd love to just have to pay my insurance the money and they send it out. Wouldn't that just make so much more sense?!

Can you PM me more specific info? I work in a field where I deal with medical bills for other people on a regular basis. Not at any point have I ever heard or seen anything about this. In fact, it's not the facility's job (let's say hospital) to bill your insurance (common misconception in my line of work), they do it as a courtesy. So it wouldn't make sense, for example, for my hospital to bill me for my OB who has their own practice, because it's that practice that monitors their own invoicing...

I'd love to look into it because lots of people would benefit from this information.