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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

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Original poster

Telling everyone - is it the worst bit?

17 replies

Twingirlsrock · 18/03/2014 12:36

We are moving from London to Geneva at the end of June and it has just got to the "telling" bit and I am finding it REALLY hard. to the point where I have almost forgotten why we have done this to ourselves.

Yesterday I gave my notice in (that was OK) and then told my childminder, who is a totally wonderful 22year old who looks after my 2.5yr old twin girls 3 days a week. And for some reason or another the telling her was teh hardest of all and I just cant work out why.

I obviously have a bond with her because I trust her and have a good relationship with her as she cares for my precious girls, but I keep having flashbacks to her face of worry/sadness when I told her and how awful it feels.

We've told family and they are (mostly) supportive - my DH's parents are totally against it and wont speak to us but mine have been lovely and promised to come out to visit lots. Its also been quite nice on teh whole to tell people as their reaction is usually really excited for us etc.... but since I told my childminder Ive felt super anxious and sad.

Ive told my DH who has been really sweet but I dont feel like I can keep going on about it because I just dont know why I feel like it!

Does anyone have any experience of obsessing like me? Its my job we are moving for which makes me even madder with myself!

thanks

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 18/03/2014 12:41

What you saw on her face was probably a bit of concern because she's got two places to fill bt you've given her lost of notice so i'm sure that will be fine. The large part of it though will have been ' but i like those babies and you're taking them away.......' She's clearly attached to them and it will be a loss. Well done you for picking such a good care giver.

Reassure her you want to keep in touch (assuming you do) and offer to give her a reference/testimonial to help her find other mindees.

Northernlurker · 18/03/2014 12:41

Sorry that should be LOTS not LOST of notice

MrsThor · 18/03/2014 13:21

its emotionally draining.....i knew 10 months before we actually moved and to be honest i wish i had held off telling people It was all anyone talked about, they also started making plans [as you normally would] for holidays etc in the summer...but i found it disconcerting that i wouldn't be here

its difficult when you have a nice life and you aren't moving to "get away"

But it has been worth it.....

MrsThor · 18/03/2014 13:24

Remember the change can be scary for other people....they aren't going off on an adventure, they are left here without you

Original poster

Twingirlsrock · 18/03/2014 16:20

I think you've hit the nail on the head with that observation around leaving when you are lucky and all ready have a nice life.

I think my lovely child minder is a real emblem for that for me. Maybe why I got quite so upset.

I also think staying in touch will be important.

Thankyou for words of wisdom x

OP posts:

juneau · 18/03/2014 16:48

I remember feeling really bittersweet about telling people we were moving OS and then the same again when we moved home after six years. Actually, I think moving back here was harder because I'd had DS1 while we were there and made some lovely mum friends who I knew I was really going to miss.

The flip side of that is that it's really exciting to be moving. Geneva is a lovely city, you'll be able to ski at weekends in the winter, enjoy the lake in the summer, and eat lovely French food and make new friends. And it's easy and pretty cheap for people to visit you too with budget airlines flying there, so I'm sure your friends will visit. We were on another continent and it was much harder and more expensive and although people said they'd come, in reality not many did.

MooseBeTimeForSpring · 18/03/2014 16:59

My MIL was upset at first when we told her we were emigrating to Canada. Once she'd got over the initial shock she was then very excited for us.

FaceTime has been our saviour. We probably speak to MIL and my sister (my parents are both deceased) more often now than we did when we were in the UK.

I hate to break it to you, but telling people isn't the worst bit. It's the final visit you have with them before you leave.

LondonInLausanne · 19/03/2014 07:47

I would advise telling people as late as you can. Close friends are often very upset, not so close friends can disappear amazingly fast once they know you won't be sticking around. I had one mummy friend who dropped us like a hot potato as she didn't want her DD becoming attached to my DD then us leaving. It made the whole leaving process quite traumatic, i was glad to be gone when we did go.

My Sis still hasn't forgiven me, three years later. One day she will i hope!

LondonInLausanne · 19/03/2014 07:49

Switzerland is lovely, and so is Geneve, you will have fun! Goodluck with your move

tribpot · 19/03/2014 08:12

I'd imagine your childminder is very attached to your children, and you know that you will be causing some upset to both them and her to separate them. But she is an adult and running a business, this is part of the deal. And the children are at an age where they don't really need anyone as long as you're with them.

It's still relatively uncommon for a family to relocate because of the woman's job (I did it, although only a couple of hundred miles). I wonder if you feel a certain amount of guilt about uprooting your household? You certainly shouldn't, by the way, but guilt is often part and parcel of being a mother.

With technology these days it's very easy to keep in contact, esp where there's little time distance to worry about. A good friend of mine moved to Australia a few years ago and we Skyped every weekend, it was just part of our routine. With Facebook you can keep up with more routine comings and goings and, let's face it, you're not going to the Moon!

Original poster

Twingirlsrock · 19/03/2014 08:48

Yes you're right, it's not the moon and I have to keep reminding myself that!

I think I feel very responsible for giving us - as a family - this opportunity (through my work) although tbh it's as much my DH in saying he will take a sabbatical and mind the littlies. So I feel really vested in everyone being happy and you're right I feel it's my "fault" for causing the upset.

I'm doing it in a day next week as I'm looking at schools. Think I'd rather do Geneva in a day than Cornwall!

Thanks for all the posts. Every time you say we'll be ok I feel better

Although my DH's parents still won't discuss it with us (they've known since Dec).

OP posts:

desertmum · 19/03/2014 09:07

My ILs were like yours - were angry, rude and didn't talk to us for a while but did come round eventually. It is such a great opportunity and experience for your children - I have never regretted living overseas and the children love the life they had. Don't let others doubt yourself and your decisions. Enjoy.

tribpot · 19/03/2014 09:29

Your DH's parents have to make their own choice about what they consider an appropriate reaction to the news that their son's family is relocating to mainland Europe for a period of time. Just think how handy it could be to be in a neutral country if a land war breaks out in Europe over the Crimea! (Don't tell them that )

It's great that your DH is able to take a sabbatical, although of course it's no more than women have been doing for centuries to support overseas moves. That doesn't mean you shouldn't recognise it for the valuable contribution that it is, of course. But why wouldn't you take the opportunity if it presented itself?

magimedi · 19/03/2014 10:45

Of all the places to move Geneva is one of the best served by transport links from the UK. My DS lives in France & Geneva is his nearest airport. It takes him less time to get back for a visit to us (Sussex coast) than if he lived in Scotlkand. And with Geneva being an Easy Jet hub it is cheap. He is coming home this w/e (YAY!!) & only booked about 4 weeks ago & has a return for £55.

Your DH's parents are being vv unreasonable.

Am sure you will have a great time there - so much to do within easy access.

HopelessDei · 20/03/2014 03:33

It's only Geneva! They'll come round. Really, the world is a smaller place than they know. We moved much further...it was hard telling people. It's temporary for us but people kept knowingly saying "Oh, you won't come back." It's not easy for your friends and family, it's unsettling for them too. You are a piece of their puzzle.

I spent three months in Geneva about ten years ago. It's a really nice city, it will be lovely for your children and the weather is great - plus proximity to some beautiful mountain resorts. Definitely an opportunity I'd grab. I popped back and forth on Easyjet loads of times, 'twas cheap and speedy as I recall. Incredibly international, I didn't meet many actual Swiss people!

casperthefriendlyghost · 11/04/2014 20:00

We moved to ME at the end of last August and left it until Easter last year to start telling everyone - wanted the children to know first and didn't want to tell them too early. I was doing absolutely great with telling everyone, the bit that hurt though was when I had a letter through from my DCs school. My 2 older DSs had been there and my DD was about to start there in the September. So, the letter came through confirming her place and asking me to let them know for definite if I wanted it or not... Boy did I cry when I got this! What made it worse was the lovely reception ladies phoning me to double check I really didn't want the place - at this point the school did not know & having 2 boys there I was a fairly permanent fixture at the school and had previously been really excited about my DD starting! Had to go in and speak to the Head to explain. That was hard, but I do agree with Moose - the final visits/nights out are the hardest... BUT - you will be fine in the end.

PortofinoRevisited · 11/04/2014 20:06

My sister freaked out big time. And it was not like we lived close to each other in the first place. We only moved to Brussels - 2 hours from home. The worst thing in moving was the last day at dd's creche. They did pictures and cards and bought her a book etc. I sobbed buckets and had to be helped to the car. Work was MUCH easier ....

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