Having a moment of frustration!!! Please share your frustrations and positives about living abroad!!

[somuchtosortout]

Arghhhh......

Everything that happens has to be instigated by me. No outside stimuli, have to constantly be proactive about social life, entertainment, keeping self busy.

Loads of people depend on me for livelihood so actually have enormous lovely house and garden but zero privacy. (in Southern Africa). (I know it's lucky to have big house and no cleaning to do, really I do know that).

Practically can't even change a lightbulb with out prior approval from DH's office, landlord, sending emails etc.... Basically I am just a caretaker for someone else's property. (Oh yes, it's big and lovely I know).

Can't walk anywhere unless going on a walk to keep fit. Nowhere to walk to.

Constant sense of guilt as disparity between rich and poor is in my face day in day out.

I know, I am a spoilt European who is not used to having to make her own entertainment. I come from places where everything works, is handy and convenient. I am in a minority of privileged people when compared to the whole world. I know that.

But I still feel frustrated!!!!!!!

Oh, and even though my family network is not that widespread at home at least occasionally there are other people there for the children. Now I am the only point of reference for them. It's a good job they're still little and lovely.

Yep, must have heard TIA by now? "This is Africa" set with a sigh. Not particularly nice, but cones to mind sometimes. How long have you been here? Takes a while. Not for me permanently for lots of reasons.

Re disparity, sadly one gets too used to it. Just do what you can to help those around you and don't feel guilty. Enjoy your lovely house esp now its sumner! Says me stuck inside half the time...

And then no one replies to my thread as there is hardly anyone overseas... (cries)

I understand what you are saying about no privacy and nowhere to walk. I don't live in SA but in the Middle East. It's hard, I'm not sure how long you have been there but it does get easier with time. And to be honest it becomes very easy to let other people do the chores. Try and enjoy the time with your little ones, who knows what the future holds and it may not be possible.

Good luck.

I hear you..... It does get easier, and comes & goes. Says she after over 9 years.
Are you in Botswana by any chance?
Will write properly tomorrow.

I'm in East Africa waves

Have/have not is very difficult. I was going somewhere with my son once with our driver, Frank. He stopped at the lights and a girl who couldn't be more than 14 was begging with a baby about my sons age. Their situation is so hopeless, they have so little, that there is just nothing you can do. Not as an individual anyway, except buy the baby some juice and water. As it happened that day Frank gave her the juice carton he had just bought for himself. He's not rich, he survives, but the have and have not exists for them too, it is that stark. The poor things are usually there because someone is forcing them to beg and bring them the money, but nobody does anything about it.

The thing I struggle with most is that people die from such preventable things. A friend gave birth last week and there was no doctor to perform her C Section, it was a very close thing for them both. Also having been born way after Polio was eradicated in the UK, it's shocking to me to see the people who have had it, crossing the road on stumps of arms because their legs face the wrong way and things like that. You just never get used to it.

I employ a few people, a guard, housekeeper, nanny and driver. All pretty essential I'd say although I do get laughed at by friends at home for having "staff", if you don't keep on top of the dust constantly it cakes everything and I don't have the family network to not have a nanny. Guards are absolutely essential especially at night, we also have 2 dogs (and a goat).

Nevertheless, I generally love expat life and the constant variety. You meet so many interesting people. I hope you start enjoying yourself a bit more soon

Coming from there, I can sympathize that things do happen in African time which can take forever ...

But NOTHING beats an African sunset

I'm in Hong Kong and in general life is pretty straight forward. However I get frustrated by the almost constant pollution haze - and sometimes truly horrendous air - and the amount of time my kids spend on a bus getting to and from school. Only small things really but on bad days they feel huge. On a positive note, it's Chinese New Year here soon so everywhere is decorated and there's lots to see and enjoy.

I wouldn't worry about the comments on your staff.

People don't always understand the economic situation overseas. If you have the finances in some countries you should give other people a source of employment and it is seen as bad form not to do so.

As long as you are polite, kind, fair and respectable that's all that matters.

Having a driver makes sense if the roads are unmarked or confusing.

The volunteering idea sounds a good use of time too.

Bloody African time! "I'm on the way coming" = I am thinking about leaving where I am, but I will probably be here another hour or two. Then I will run errands for a bit, or until I am bored. Expect me to arrive shortly after you have given up waiting.

Hi Everyone!
I posted in a moment of frustration. I get more of those here than I did before but overall we are enjoying our time here, so don't get me wrong!

This is our second African posting, but we were in Nigeria before which has a much faster pace and a completely different atmosphere to here (Malawi).

However here it is beautiful, the air is so clean and there is so much space for the children.

Most moments of frustration however for me arise from being the expat spouse.

I actually have a lot of patience for African time, people constantly asking for loans etc, which I take as just part of living here.

What gets me is
The fact that I have to notify the office every time I want to change the slightest thing in the house.

The fact that someone suggested to me last night that why don't I do an art course - with an undertone of 'oh, you must be a very bored housewife and have a lot of spare time and money'.

The fact that I can't just meet an old friend for a chat and I have to be on my best behaviour 90% of the time as people are mostly acquaintances (not been here quite long enough to find those 1 or 2 key friends that have been my life-savers on every other posting!)

The fact that a friend recently came to visit and I know she has forever changed her opinion of me now that she has seen me in a house with a cook and housekeeper.

Which really translates in to the fact that now I have become two people - person A) who lives overseas
Person B) who has a 'normal' life in the UK. I do prefer being person B, but most people at home will just presume I prefer being person A

(Does that even make sense!!!1)

After 3 postings this split personality thing is starting to wear me down. I guess this is the point where people decide if to go for the longer term expat life or if to settle back home again.

Thanks for listening to my ranting!!

[Reaches for Gin and Tonic]

[Contemplates just letting go and giving self over to Gin and Tonics and regular manicures]

somuch Whenever I feel stressed I take myself off to a salon for a mani/pedi which usually costs about £5, they have a good laugh at me for having soft feet and it lasts for AGES. My favourite salon even has OPI nail polish

Let people think what they like, it's your responsibility if you have the means to do so to provide work for someone, that is how it works there.

Are you sure you aren't projecting onto your friend how you're feeling? I'm sure she doesn't think you're a different person.

A couple of my friends have lived in Malawi for a year and loved it, are you in Blantyre? I could ask them for some hints and tips that might help you feel more settled? One of them was also in Nigeria until recently - from what she has told me I do not blame you for preferring Malawi!

It's a massive adjustment, don't be hard on yourself. I'll be in your shoes a week today - and I'm not moving to a NEW country! Every time I come back to the UK and go home again it takes a few weeks to readjust. Culture shock is a cliché but after all this time it still happens.

We had TIS in Spain - must be even worse in Africa.

Moved to Jordan last summer.

LOVE the weather - it's dry and despite arriving at the end of August we were able to cope with the heat straight away.
I love the acceptance and joy people genuinely have for children, that we can take them anywhere and they are not seen as evil demons that should be locked away.
I love the expat community at school (DH is a teacher - the reason we are here), they have been so accepting and understanding.
I love the difference in the environment ie the way things look - it makes me look at things properly every time we go out (probably wear off I'm sure but for now it's still a novelty!) and I can't get enough of the view from the apartment living room.
I love the service and help that you get from people just generally not being afraid to help someone else out.
I love having a cleaner that also does my ironing for me . (Are you sure your friend looks at you differently? Mine are just envious!
I love the call to prayer competition - we are in earshot of 3 or 4 mosques so I love to listen out and compare them!

I HATE the rubbish that is everywhere, with a passion.
I hate not being able to walk anywhere and I miss the walk to school and parks for my children.
I do not like the reliance we have on a car.
I dislike the high cost of living and being ripped off just because I am a foreigner.
I am uncomfortable with being regarded all the time despite being a very boring looking, standard westerner.
I don't feel part of the local community and I can't see that ever changing which saddens me greatly.
I feel guilty that I work 4 days a week at the school and my 3yo DD does a full school day on each of those days.
I hate not being able to speak the language.

That has actually been very therapeutic! I'm a first timer overseas and currently in the post Christmas phase where we went home, so in the typical dip part of the culture shock experience. It's a relief but worrying as well to see so many old hands still go through this even after multiple postings...

It is extremely hot in Uganda... have spent the better part of the day faffing around with Milton and 5 litres of water to clean his bottles because I hadn't had a chance to pick up a microwave. Haven't got a nanny yet and have a meeting at 9am on Monday where it looks increasingly likely I will have to take him along. Professional.

Remind me WHY this is a good idea!?