Following on

[smartmoves]

from "not living the dream" thread, with suggestions of a "depressed abroad" thread, how about a place to vent and share?

I'll start:

We moved overseas a few months ago. Not long, I know, but we moved to a country where I have family (I was born in the UK, though) and where I spent much of my childhood. So I know it well.

But I was born and raised in London (and half my family is from London) and I miss it desperately. So much so that I am planning on finding ways of returning, regardless of my husband's work - although I don't want to divorce or separate. We have a toddler.

I don't feel that things will get better - I know the country well, and I have never wanted to live here. I am now becoming very single-minded about "how to get back home". I am wondering why I even came here: now I'm here and want to leave, it seems so simple that I could have just stayed in London; I don't understand why that didn't occur to me in the first place.

Anyone else?

Is it possible for your DH to commute? not ideal I know. alternatively M-F in the country you don't want to be then back for weekends?
We did that for a year. At least the plan was for a year. As it turned out, he made it home for about 10/40 odd weekends.
We were fortunate that DH and me and DD were able to speak on the phone every day since there was only an hours time difference.

My dh and I are going to live apart for about a year and we will only see each other once in that time. I'm going home but he can't get a british visa as a returning resident so we have to 'do' the spousal route which takes about a year.

I don't care about weather or the economy, I just want to live in the country I belong to. I have been here almost five years.

I only moved a few months ago but I also miss London. Childcare means I'm stuck here though, for now anyway.
It's tough moving for someone else when your relationship with them isn't great.
I work from home and have a toddler so I have no idea how to make friends here. I'm feeling kind of lonely.
Feels good to vent!

I can really relate to this.

We moved to Oz 2 years ago, with dh's work. Absolutely hated it. I just wanted to run away back to the Uk with dd's. There was a myriad of issues on top of being homesick. My dh didn't want to hear about it, was unsupportive in my loneliness even though I tried my damned hardest to make friends and try and like the place, but it wasn't happening.

Unfortunately I broke my leg earlier this year, and was well and truly stuck there, til I could recover. I held on, and in the mean time my dh was made redundant. It was such a relief I couldn't even describe it.

We've been back for 3 weeks now, back in our house. Dh has had some job interviews, and one is looking promising. I've apples for a few jobs myself, but yet again I'm the one to suffer as these jobs don't pay as well as my previous job that I had to give up.

Thinking about how my dh treated me makes me he's asleep upstairs, and I'd quite happily smother him in return for ruining everything. I do believe I have lost out more when I moved to Oz than he did. I could have quite happily stayed in my previous job until I retired, and that was my plan. I should not have caved into pressure and his bullying.

Our relationship is pretty non existent, and there's always a huge elephant in the room, that you can't fucking miss it. I wish he'd stayed there tbh.

Can you not just go on 'holiday' to the Uk, and stay. That is what I wanted to do, but my dh promised to change when we got back from our 'holiday'. That never happened, he was still the same twat I left in Oz, I should never have believed him, bastard!!

It is so hard when the dream and the reality don't mesh. I knew from day one that it was a mistake. I am lucky that dh is supportive. If it really isn't working he is prepared to move. It has made me try really hard but still know I don't want to be here. I really want to want to be here, but all I can think of is the next mini vacation away. Just came back from a visit and again it has re-enforced my desire to leave here.

It is so hard to live somewhere but be unhappy and thinking of being somewhere else.

Can you come to an agreement with your dh on a period of time ?
Is he even prepared to move ?

I know that my dh didn't fully understand how miserable I was, Stiff upper lip and all. I had a few melt downs and really had to spell everything out to him before he finally 'got it'.

Talk, talk and talk again is all I can say.

We've been here 8 months and whilst there are many good things I also desperately miss London and my friends.

Can your DH commute? Mine did this for a year and it was ok.

Or put a time on it like scotswede says? We have said 1 year possibly 2. I can handle that. If it extends we will move to a city as country living abroad really sucks!

Only just caught up with this - thanks so much for the replies. I know it's rubbish but it does help to know I'm not the only one in this situation :)

As for suggestion, yes, I think we are going to have to come to some kind of agreement - even (very stubborn) DH is beginning to see this.

Lots more to say about this but will catch up later.

Again, although you're all replying because you feel bad in your own situations, it is hugely helpful to read, so thanks.

And I'm laughing at my UK and European friends... Bring miserable... Cold.. Wet.. Expensive fuel and power bills.. Low quality food.. Rubbish schools and can't afford private.. Massive immigration from non English speaking countries.. Dole bludging..
Sounds just the same everywhere!