Following Frenchmumfanny on different parenting skills.....

[scottswede]

French mum Fanny brought up a issue we were discussing at the weekend. The difference in the Swedish approach to disciplining kids and the non-Swedish approach is huge.
I notice now when I visit the UK how unruly the kids are. Even my dear girlfriends kids are a bit of a nightmare to be honest. We were at a restaurant and her kids were playing up, she was yelling, they were ignoring her, she was physically restraining them, talking through clenched teeth the whole time. It all ended in tears and tantrums. I watched my two just staring mouths agape.

Here, Swedish kids all have school lunches and it is a very strict setting, no talking for the first 15 minutes, take care of their own plates and clean their own eating area (this is from 4-5 yr olds) Taught and encouraged to hold cutlery, not speak with food in their mouths etc.

Kids here are usually all in day care for a good 5-8 hrs a day from the age of 2, so their environment is quite strict and disciplined from the get go.
Scandi people don't like making a scene or drawing attention to themselves so they will rarely yell and scream at their kids in public.
I certainly don't agree with a lot of Swedish child rearing but I do see a huge difference in my scandi kids behaviour and UK kids.

I've seen a clip round the ear or two in France.

I think in the UK there's a lot more diversity in parenting styles and people are more likely to take the 'oh children!', roll eyes, do nothing approach. In other countries there is perhaps less tolerance for (developmentally normal) childish behaviour and as such children learn to behave in public much faster.

Spending a lot of time in collective childcare helps, as does the cultural habit of not making the children the centre of absolutely everything when they're around, unlike anglosaxon cultures which are, in comparison, much more likely to defer to children in social situations or take their needs into account.

Neither way is 'better'. One leads to a quieter society for adults, the other a place where children are able to express themselves more freely and you see that carrying on through the education system. Children with an anglosaxon education are more likely to speak up and question and expect an explanation for example.

where I am kids do get a lot of freedom but we also expect them to exercise a lot of control.

As an example; a last years school christmas concert/buffet my poor mother (english, and a primary teacher for many years) was horrified by all the running round and screaming/laughing the kids were indulging in and commented the kids were completely out of control.

She was equally baffled when at a single word they all came happily to sit down and wait quietly for santa. How could such 'out of control kids' heed such a simple instruction?

In fact the kids weren't out of control, raucous and excited yes, but very much in control. I suspect (although I don't know) that a group of british kids behaving like that might not be so 'in control' because there seems to be less emphasis on self control .......