Moving to Oz in November - Can't stop crying!!!

[KellyGarcia]

It has taken years to sell the house and now we have, there are only 3 months left on our visas so we need to get to Oz before the end of the year.

I have always wanted to go back and live there as we have been before on a working holiday and we have 2 wee boys so it would be a great adventure for them to see the place and live there even if it's not forever.

The problem is that as soon as the house sale completed I have been crying a lot. I am worried I will never see my old Dad again (he is in his 80's) and am really worried my relationship will fail when we get there. I don't know what the alternative is if we stay here - I really want to give it a go but things are so different now than they were when we first applied for the visas.

I am crying again now as I do not know what to do. Feels like that bit when you are on the rollercoaster and it starts going backwards up the slope readyto let you go and you know you can't get off now...

Why do you think your relationship will fail when you get there? Is it rocky already?
And why do you think you'll never see your Dad again? Is he ill?

If your Dad did fall ill, you could be back here in 24 hours - and I'll bet he'll enjoy coming out to see you from time to time.

In your shoes I'd "suck it and see". There's no law that says you have to stay in Oz if you don't like it there.

I actually don't know why I posted this - I think I am just feeling really alone as no one else is going through this in RL and my closest friends and family think I am mad and don't want us to go. All the in laws are the opposite and are really excited for OH so they are planning when they can come over for a holiday! Thanks for any words of advice - can any of you tell me how you felt when you realised you were actually going! When it hits you that you will actually be getting on that plane and leaving for a new life... starting from scratch again knowing the relatives are on the other side of the world.

I just worry about everything. It has come to my attention over the past 2 years that I don't have the best relationship compared to people I know. We have had a rough time (along with a lot of people in the UK) due to the recession nearly obliterating construction where we are and other issues that have tested us. I don't think we are back on track yet with each other and I worry that further upheaval at this stage might break us (although I am not sure it is anything worse that what we have been through).

No, my Dad is very healthy actually. Really fit and looks after himself but he said he will not be coming to see us in Oz as he doesn't leave the UK. You are right though... It's much faster to get back to the UK these days. I don't know if I am just over thinking everything

I did talk with OH the other day about all this and he said we should just take it in 3 month stages... 3 months to get there, get started in work, get a car and look for long term rental which will then lead to the next 3 month chunk where we can find our feet a bit better and just take it from there. I am just not good at not knowing what is going to happen next (although I don't know what will happen in the next 3 months here in the uk!!!)

Silly isn't it?

Oh wow. Do you feel this will be a positive move for you all? do you have to go and make it permanent? can you just go on a holiday and activate your visas and see how it all goes first?

Well, I would be as nervous as hell if I were uprooting my family and taking them to the other side of the world.
But I would still go. I live by the maxim of trying everything once, and that nothing is forever.

Why do your friends and family think you're mad? Are they just jealous perhaps?

Concentrate on why you're moving - fresh start/better life style/better weather etc etc, and ignore the doomsayers in your family.

I bet they'll be queuing up to come and see you once you get there!

Your DH sounds very sensible. Give yourself targets - eg "by Christmas we will be settled in a house/found jobs/whatever".

You can skype/FB/etc everyone at home regularly, and I bet you'll be in contact with them more than if they were just in the next town!

Thanks tywysogesgymraeg - I needed some perspective. I don't know why they think I am mad. I suppose it just sounds like such a big thing to do when you have kids and it looks like you have your "nice little life" all sorted already when no one knows what a struggle it has been here for the last few years and the thought that our house was never going to sell. Suddenly the house has sold and we only have 3 months left to get over there or lose the chance to live in Australia.

You are also right - it IS scary and nerve wracking but we don't really have anything (apart from family obviously) in the UK that isn't worth giving up. If we were to return, we would lose the price we paid to get to Australia and give it a go which we would likely spend on mundane things here anyway along with tax bills, credit cards, loan payments etc

We already validated our visas a few years ago and lived there for a while so we kind of know what it will be like to be so far away and all the homesickness issues. I think it is definitely uprooting the boys that is the issue and worring "what if" but I do that anyway no matter where I am.

Maybe I should emigrate away from myself! That would likely solve all my problems :)

OP, I've done this twice, once to Asia and once to the US. Both times I found it emotionally draining and stressful. I really didn't want to go. Friends and family thought it sounded like an fun adventure. I remember thinking that it was easy for them to say that, but that the reality of it is pretty daunting.

The first trip was only a year long so I could see an end to it which made it slightly easier to contemplate, though there was still a lot to organise regarding house, school, and so on. I'm really glad we had that experience though; it was a good year.

The second stint has been three years so far and will probably continue on for a few more years. It feels like normal life now. I manage to go back to the UK twice a year and many (far too many!) visitors come and stay. Skype, FB, Twitter, and email all help to close the distance too.

I'd agree with what your DH says about thinking of it in chunks. You can come back if it doesn't work. You can be home in a little over 24 hours.

Where in oz are you going Op?

Thanks for the replies. It is really helping me to feel less alone and panicky. Tidbinbilla you are brave! Does it get easier then? I remember being quite settled when we were there on our working holiday visa and bawling my eyes out waiting for the flight back tothe UK when it was finally time to come home.

We are going to Melbourne and have been there before so I shouldn't be in this state.

Ha! Actually I find it gets harder not easier. Even coming back after a few weeks in the UK feels like an enormous wrench to me. I am not an natural adventurer, but DH is. I am well out of my comfort zone doing this living overseas malarkey, but I like to challenge myself (hope that doesn't sound too wanky) and the experience has been brilliant for the DCs.

It is good that you have already been to Melbourne so you can picture it. Is that where you lived on your working visa too?

I bet that once you get to Oz, it will feel more doable.

I can understand how it gets harder. It's like opening an old wound in a way! I just can't stand the thought of starting all over AGAIN... but like I was rambling on about earlier, we don't actually have much at the moment. The last few years have drained us of everything and we got stuck at the starting blocks when we bought our house on a building site here thinking we would sell it once the new builds were all done and the gardens were landscaped and of course that was when the recession hit. We have been lucky a) to actually sell it and b) get what we paid for it 7 years ago.

I suppose it is better to try to change the course of your own future rather than sitting here hoping for the best only for "fate" to come along and change your future whether you like it or not.

My Mum died suddenly while they were on holiday a few years ago and I miss her dreadfully. I keep thinking how I told her I was going to pass my driving test and we could go away for the day together and that I was going to get that promotion at work and take her to Paris for the weekend as she had always wanted to go. I never got to do any of that with her and I always thought I would grab more opportunities in future but time passed and I got stuck in a rut again.

Sorry-I am way off topic now. I suppose I am just feeling it is all a bit much for me today. OTher days I am soooooo excited to go and wish we were there. I saw the list of most liveable cities the other day as well and Melbourne was no 1 which I should take as a sign!

Oh and who cares if it sounds wanky! I think you are inspirational for going ahead and making it work even when it is against your natural disposition.

THanks for the support today. I really, really needed it :)

I think it's the start of a whole new adventure. I bet you will feel more settled once you arrive as you are planning to stay for good this time. A temp trip often means living a temporary lifestyle.
You will have a fab time I know it!

Ps I'm sitting in my garden as the removalists pack for my trip to oz. I'm beyond super excited and have tears of joy.

Oh Wow newbiefrugalgal I am glad yours are tears of joy. It will be weird when your container drives off down the road on it's way to Oz already. When are you flying out? And where to?

Best of luck with it all and it won't be long til you're unpacking your own belongings in Oz. It will be strange to see them eventually arrive over there and all the familiar stuff!