Dh off to old blighty!!

[eidsvold]

Well I wish it had been under better circumstances but dh is off to the UK next week for just over a week - eek !! I have to be a single mum for a week - thank goodness school holidays.

His father has just learnt he has lung and liver cancer. THis is on top of undergoing a triple bypass last dec. At this stage we can't get any definite ideas about time frames etc BUT everything we have read about liver cancer is pretty pessimistic - always fatal - jsut depends on whether it is primary or secondary liver cancer as to the time they have.

He has yet to see a consultant but the hospice have made contact already and he has seen the palliative (sp?) care nurse. The nurse basically told my mil that dh needed to organise to come over soon although the nurse was not able to give time frames either.

SO at least dh will spend some time with his dad before he goes and he will get some straight answers for himself rather than third/fourth hand.

as fil has never seen dd2 and when we left the UK just over 2 years ago - dd1 was almost two but was not walking, talking and doing all the wonderful things she is doing.

HOpefully dh can talk to mil too - she wants dh to be there for the funeral and after and I said he should try and work on getting MIL to come home here with him for a while after that.... will have to see.

it is times like this you feel the tyranny of the distance.

WIth you on that one - The organisation and the expence make it so hard - on everyone - you included left here with the childen. We are going for a visit in August - first time many family will have seen dd2 who is 13mths.

Sorry to hear about fil.

oh eids, I didn't know, what sad circumstances

Tim Finn is right, the tyranny of distance indeed

You're right eidsvoid its circumstances like this that make the distance seem so much.

I was in the same position as your dh, but with my mum, it was very stressful but I have always been very grateful for the fact that we knew what was happening and I was able to go and see her several times in the 8 months she had left.(I am much closer to UK than you guys obviously) I have friends here who got phone calls out of the blue, saying that a parent had died suddenly, and I believe that is far worse.

I hope that dh gets his questions answered and that maybe the prognosis is better than you think. Good luck being a single mum, it'll be hard but you'll manage - you always sound very competant to me!!When mine were young and dh travelled frequently I had a policy of not doing non-essential jobs and fixing only simple basic food.

Oh how sad for you all.

It is times like this that you feel so far away.

I really really feel for you - we had similar bad news phone call totally out of the blue last January. Thank God, the treatment seems to be working really well. But the distance thing is truly terrible at times like this, and of course you've got a much huger (??) hurdle than us, but still. Good luck with the little ones on your own for a week. I'm so sorry. Truly.

Gosh. Thoughts and prayers are with you all - esp. your FIL and MIL. How Glad that your DH is able to spend some time with him and get some direct answers though. Praying for you as you 'single mum' it for a week. Hope it is a good week for you. Keep us posted. xxxx

poor dh he called his mum tonight to just check them and talk about coming over and she is all panicky now he is coming over. She is lovely but everything has to be just so and I think things have taken their toll on both fil and mil and so they are doing lots of resting etc.... I think mil worries dh will not know what to do with himself. BUT sil has planned to spend time with him and have him visit their new place and spend time as a family so it should be good - they can have some quality time without being interrupted by little ones. I told dh he would regret it if he waited - he will still go across for the funeral - but i felt he should go now and spend some time - sort of say good bye and thanks etc.... now he has the chance rather than getting stressed about not making it in time when it comes iyswim. He feels the same.

It is school holidays next week and so will have to plan some visits - have some planned to catch up with friends and have BBQ with other ds children and families of children with down syndrome. SO should survive - i hope.

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers - so strange sil emailed pics taken at the weekend and to look at fil you just would not know....

mil thinks he is coming too soon....

eidsvold - better too soon than too late.
I'm not in the overseas category (yet!) but my dh has done a lot of palliative care, and I know from him talking about it that liver can be quite quick in the end and lung could easily leave your FIL with difficulty breathing/talking later on. Much better (IMO) to have some 'good' father/son time now while he is still fit enough. Nurses wont give time frames (not their job) and docs are loathe to in case they are wrong, though they will tell your family when the 'last few days' have arrived. I'm so sorry to say that if the hospice and nurse have been in touch then the prognosis is pretty grim.

So for your whole family. We are planning to move overseas within 2 years and this is the one thing that terrifies me - having to deal with family trauma at this distance. I hope your dh has a good week with his mum and especially his Dad, and that you survive being a single Mum while he is away.

((hugs)) to you all.

harrisey - you are so right... I just wanted dh to have some 'good' time with his family - plenty of time for the other sort of time when the time comes iyswim.

Everything dh has read about liver cancer is not good - jsut wish fil would have his consultant's appt.

well almost at the end.

No real dramas although dd2 kissed the concrete ( pebble tex no less) and has a wonderful egg and gravel rash on her forehead and down her nose.)

I take my hat of to any single parents - boy it is so knackering and really I am not doing much more than I normally would do with dh here and yet I am knackered - in bed early every night except one when I couldn't sleep.

Dh has had a fab time with his family catching up and spending time with his dad. Good for him. They are offering good deals for airfares later in the year so we might sit down and see if we can scrimp and save and take the dds later in the year for a couple of weeks.

Suitcase full of toys and bits for the dds - Grandma and aunty went shopping for them. Dh was given orders to hit bluewater for the sales and he got some nice summer things for them for the end of the year - or in a couple of months - nothing for me nah not really - figure I can go off for a spa day or something and have a relax.

For our last day we are going to the beach to visit my brother and sister in law.

Dh has had a fab time with his family- even managing to catch up with a step sister he has not seen for 22 years He said he felt guilty for having such a good time whilst I am back being run raggedby two monkeys. I just told him that was the whole point to go to England and see his family esp. his dad and to have some quality time together. THey had a day together - Stuart, mum, dad, step sisters and his sister and his dad had a great time - nice to do that rather than being huddled around his death bed waiting....

still no news - still waiting for his appt at Maidstone hospital so no idea anymore than when I first posted. We are thinking of taking advantage of the Singapore airline sale and possibly going over later in the year - depends on whether dh can wangle some more time off work!!

So we did it.

((eidsvold))
well done you!
Glad to hear your dh had such a good time with his family. Hope you can all scrape it to go later in the year, but if you cant, then at least he has had this time.
Well done again!